


Fides - Loyalty (On Hiatus)

by Vaeri



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Cheating, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M, Polyamory, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 53,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21904252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaeri/pseuds/Vaeri
Summary: Watching the love of your life leave you at the wedding reception was heart breaking. Your heart squeezed tightly with the pain of knowing where he was heading. Jealousy made your face turn into all shades of red as you stormed out of the dining hall, Wanda in your heels. Your beautiful white gown waving after you like an ocean wave. You knew he was cheating on you, that he was having an affair behind your back but you felt utter betrayal that he was seeing that slut right on your wedding day. When he should be only yours... when he should show you what you can never have again...A/N: As I feel incompetent and a bad author, I'm taking a break from continuing this work. Thank you for understanding!
Relationships: Loki & Steve Rogers, Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Loki/Steve Rogers, Loki/Steve Rogers/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 60
Kudos: 139





	1. Hard Decisions to Make

Jöttënheimer was a cold kingdom, famous about the high mountains covered in thick snow and the forests which could trick the best huntsmen and would get lost in them. The prince was looking over the scenery from his study, watching the snow slowly fall calmly outside the window. His blue-green eyes shined with admiration, his pale skin almost as white as the snow, thin lips pressed together, raven black hair framing his face as it was let out except the braids that started at his temples and ended at the back of his head.

His clothes were simple today as nothing was planned for him. Loki had many papers to read through and sign or reply to letters. He turned back to his desk leaning forward on his elbows sighing deeply. The letter sitting in front of him made his headache start up again. The intricate letters of the Alfhendrër kingdom’s emperor made him nervous. He was engaged with Princess (Name) ever since they turned fourteen. He could remember the day the ceremony was held in Alfhendrër’s royal palace, the beautiful princess blushing when they danced, how her narrow waist and small hand fitted into his hands, how her soft (h/c) hair felt on his skin when he whispered something in her ear to not draw his parents attention. But now, he had someone who held his heart, someone he cared for, someone who made his blood rush to his ears and make his hands clammy. Who’s smile made his heart skip a beat and earn his grin in return.

As if on cue, a knock interrupted his thoughts and said person popped his head into the study making his lips pull into a smile. Mesmerizing blue eyes locked onto his, plump pink lips smiling widely as blonde locks of hair framed the most handsome face. The man was clad in shining silver armor with a long sword on his belt.

“My prince, your father asked for you” the man said.

“Steven, you don’t need to call me by my title when it’s just the two of us” Loki stood up walking up to the blonde wrapping his arms around the other’s waist. The blonde cupped his face with his gloved hands pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“I like to call you mine” Steve breathed. “Besides… we don’t have much time left.”

“Please, don’t say that…” Loki shook his head sighing. “I’ll find a solution.”

“Loki… you are to take over the throne soon, your father is dying and as king, your duty will be to have heirs” the blonde narrowed his eyebrows seriously. “Even if it pains me, for my kingdom, I have to let you go.”

“If there’s no future for us… then I don’t want any future, Steve” the prince breathed teary eyed. Steve wiped a tear away from his eye pressing another soft kiss on his lips with a sad smile.

“I will always be here by your side, protecting you, no matter what” Steve replied before pulling away and opening the door for Loki. The prince sighed deeply and hurried out of his study down the corridor before turning right and down the stairs which led to another corridor that was joining the offices with the royal chambers. The stone walls light crème colored, large windows letting light inside. He could walk around the longer way, through the front section of the palace, across the throne room’s corridor and through the gardens but that was way longer and he was not in the mood to admire his mother’s garden. It reminded him of his mother and her balance between being a beautiful queen and being a fearful warrior maiden.

The queen died a long time ago, during the battle with one of the barbarian tribes who broke into the kingdom from Northwest. She was a fierce warrior herself but a barbarian warrior was faster than her. How he missed Farbauti.

His step mother, queen Frigga was a different type of mother but he admired her just the same. The golden-haired queen was gentle and because she could not give his father children, she loved Loki even more. She knew of his secret relationship with his personal guard but said nothing nor disapproved of it. Frigga loved Steve too for his good nature, for his love for Loki. However, his father, King Odin rarely showed his love being a king and to be honest, the prince knew that his father had many responsibilities. Loki had an older brother once, but Thor was taken by the Northern barbarian tribes and even if the king tried to search for him, he couldn’t find the older prince. Loki knew his father grew bitter because of it just like the incident shook him too. He loved Thor and cried after him many nights.

He suddenly found himself in front of the king’s chambers and before he knocked on the wooden door, he swallowed hard trying to calm his nerves. His knuckles rattled on the wooden surface before it was opened by servants who took care of the king. His back straightened, head held high as he walked inside and up to the king’s bed. The old man laid in the soft sheets, his one good eye watched Loki closely. Loki couldn’t help but feel self-aware and insecure whenever his father scrutinized him. He felt small but forced himself to smile softly before sitting down at the chair by the bed’s side.

“You asked for me, father” Loki’s deep voice interrupted the silence now that the servants all fled the room.

“I’m certain you got Emperor Thyobor’s letter by now” the old king said. “Are you nervous, my son?”

“About my marriage?” Loki asked. “I am only nervous to live up to you, father, as a king.”

“You never wanted the throne, I know that” Odin sighed. “However, believe me when I say that you will become a good king. I may have never been showing how proud I am of you, and I regret being a king first and not a father. I love you my son.”

“You talk like you are about to leave the land of the living soon” the prince smiled sadly.

“I might not live until your marriage” Odin replied patting Loki’s hand. “My time has come to follow your mother.”

“They will arrive three days from now” Loki said quietly. “We will marry as soon as my bride reached the palace.”

“I wish I could see my grandchildren but fate decided otherwise” the king answered.

_**To Steve~** _

Sir Steven Rogers was a kind man with a heart of gold but now he regretted giving it to the prince. Not that Prince Loki hurt him with his actions or took advantage of him… but it was a naïve dream from the knight to think they could be together. He felt foolish for following his emotions and started a relationship with someone so unreachable, someone who was already someone else’ when he confessed his feelings for the prince.

He regretted knowing what he could not have anymore. The prince’s soft skin, silky raven black hair, the thin lips that could pull into the most delicious mischievous smirk, he could not touch anymore. Those piercing blue-green eyes that looked right through him would not look upon him ever again. Because those eyes would admire the delicate, beautiful princess who the prince belonged to ever since they were engaged. And he couldn’t deny that if he would be in the place of the prince, he would fall for the princess just as fast. Steve had to accompany Queen Frigga to Alfhendrër many times and the princess always asked him how Loki fares. She was always worried about how the prince would welcome her, if she was good enough.

She was lovely and if he wouldn’t be loyal to death, he would’ve courted her. He was excited and heartbroken at the same time if that was possible. The blonde arrived to the stables where he spotted Bucky. The brunette jogged up to his friend with a wide grin.

“Lady Natasha agreed to a dinner” Bucky said.

“Like she was an exception who would not fall for your charms” Steve chuckled shaking his head.

“I was asking so many ladies out to find the one! I never did anything inappropriate, Steve!” the brunette protested punching the blonde in the shoulder. “What about you?”

“You know how it is” Steve shrugged saddling his horse up. Athus was a brown stallion, bigger than the other horses in the stables. They were together since Steve was a henchman to Bucky’s father. That is how Bucky and Steve became good friends during the years and the training.

“I wish to tell you something that wouldn’t make me sound like an arsehole but well… I told you so” the brunette replied.

“You know me… I always fall for someone I cannot reach” Steve smiled sadly as he made sure the saddle was securely on Athus.

“Not that they don’t fall for you, my friend” Bucky quipped making the blonde laugh mirthlessly. His first love, Lady Peggy, the daughter of Lord Seerg, was a noble lady when he was just a henchman the Barnes household. Their love had a short life and Peggy was quickly married off to another noble family. And now he fell in love with Prince Loki who was never his to begin with.

“I will be back by sunset” Steve said as he urged Athus to leave the stables. He galloped out of the palace gardens into the woods nearby. He needed to calm his nerves and take some time to organize his thoughts and decide what he should do next. Steve felt like his heart would break if he would have to see the prince with someone else.

_**Back to Loki~** _

The prince sat in the library trying to ease his mind with a book but the words were colliding into one mess in front of his tired eyes. He huffed angrily and slammed shut the book with a thud before tears welled up in his eyes. He had no idea of what to do. King Odin was dying, – even if they never had the closest relationship, he was still his father – he is losing Sir Rogers by the minute now that the princess was on her way to Jöttenheimer.

A gentle hand on his shoulder stopped it’s shaking. Delicate arms circled him from behind, soft blonde hair brushing against his skin. He could tell Queen Frigga changed her perfume since last week and it suited her.

“Mother” he breathed deeply his voice shaking.

“I know it is hard, my love” she said quietly a sad smile in her voice.

“I don’t know what to do now” Loki replied. The queen let him go and circled him to sit on his side on the sofa. Her small hand taking his and squeezing it gently as she wiped a tear away from his lid.

“I know it is hard to choose duty over your heart’s wishes… but you will be king and as royals we have to do what is best for our kingdom. You will grow to love her; I know her and I wouldn’t have chosen her if she wouldn’t be a good match for you.” Frigga sighed.

“What about Steve?” Loki looked up to find the queen’s blue ones look through him, her brows curled outward in worry.

“I know you are smart to find a solution… I hope that you do the best decision” the queen sighed.

Your PoV.

You looked out of your room’s window trying to memorize each tree in the forest and the houses down in the capital city. The brown and red roofs with the chimneys puffing up smoke, people running around on their busy days, yells coming from the vendors in the market, wet clothes hanging on a thread between the houses. You would miss your home but you were waiting for the day to come when you would walk down the aisle and at the end, your prince would wait for you. You imagined that day many times in your life and your heartbeat picked up at the thought of the handsome Prince Loki.

You asked his personal guard how he fared on the occasions you had when his mother visited you and your father. At first, after your engagement, Loki and you sent letters to each other but as you grew older, his letters started coming late and then stopped at all. You thought it was only because he was a prince and was busy now that his father fell ill but it still pained you. Sir Rogers was always kind to you and you confided in him telling him, you felt nervous if Prince Loki would ever like you. The blonde-man made butterflies flutter their wings in your stomach after a while. He was handsome with the most mesmerizing blue eyes. You couldn’t help but ask if he had anyone once during his visit with the queen. However, his reply made you sad and felt sorry for him.

“The one I love is already another’s, my princess” his voice was so sad and heartbroken that you couldn’t help but embrace him. You prayed to the Ancient Gods to give him happiness and bring them together.

“(Name), it is time to depart” your father interrupted your thoughts before closing the door to your room and leaving you alone again. He was distant ever since your mother died but you never showed him your hurt feelings.

You nodded to the servants who grabbed your packages and hurried out to the front of the castle. You and your lady-in-wait followed them at a slower pace. Wanda was with you ever since you started developing and you treated her like a sister. She was the daughter of Lord Magnus, and had a twin brother who was to become a knight when he died in an accident. It devastated the court of the palace and Lord Magnus went into self-exile in his grief.

You settled down in the carriage with Wanda, your father in another carriage, when she asked: “Are you excited about your marriage with Prince Loki, Your Majesty?”

“We are alone, dear Wanda” you smiled at her. “And yes… I have never been this nervous before. I am worried if I will be to his liking, or if he will ever grow to like me at all. Love would be much to ask even if I know I have already fallen for him, but at least I wish he would tolerate me.”

“Why would he not like you, my princess?” Wanda asked confused. “You are by far the kindest with a heart of gold and the most beautiful.”

“You are biased, Wanda” you laughed. “There is much to not like about me and I am not as beautiful as you think. I am just like every other woman.”

“If he does not like you then he is a fool for sure!” Wanda huffed. “And then you can run away with a handsome knight.”

Her playful wink made you laugh mirthfully hugging her gratefully. She was always there for you and you were trying to do the same for her. She could make you forget about your problems in a second. You sighed as you looked out the window knowing it will be a long journey until you reach the Jöttenheimer palace but you knew something was awaiting you. You prepared your whole life for this moment. All those excruciating hours of dance lessons, the many failed etiquette lessons and studies were not in vain. You will be the perfect wife for Prince Loki even if you have to break your legs and arms, even if you have to run after him or fight for him with a dragon with seven heads.

_**To be continued…** _


	2. Worth Waiting For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I know I haven't updated in a long time but it was so hard to continue. I couldn't give you anything that wasn't good enough. Please tell me if you enjoyed! I hope you do! <3

The scenery passed by quietly as the carriage, you sat in rocked back and forth on the dirt road. Your mind wandered to the prince, your betrothed ever since adolescence. You remembered of how captivated you were by the raven-haired young man, with blue-green eyes that looked right through your soul, holding so much intelligence. His smile so bright that it made you grin yourself just thinking about it. After many years of waiting and preparing yourself – learning and trying your hardest to become the perfect princess for him – you couldn’t wait for the day when you would see him again.

The capital of Jöttenheimer was a long way from where you were. Your carriage only reached the borders of Alfhendrër in the afternoon and it was getting dark outside. You knew you will have to stop for the night soon but there didn’t seem to be any village near. You looked at Wanda, who was asleep, her red-brown hair falling in her face as she leaned against the glass. She was with you for so long and you couldn’t ask for a better friend. She had Pietro once but losing her brother took a light out of her.

The carriage came to a stop suddenly making you look up from your thoughts in surprise. Outside was an inn, lanterns lighting up the night around it. Above the entrance “The Salty Lobster” was written with a large red lobster painted under it. The carriage’s door opened so you shook Wanda awake before you left the carriage.

“Your highness, we have to stop for the night. Sir Ayen is already arranging our rooms and meals” Gorwin said bowing deeply.

“Of course” you smiled at him as Gorwin straightened up at your voice. “Once you can, please, rest well before we continue on our journey tomorrow.”

“Of course, my princess” he bowed deeply again before he took the rains again and went to the back with the carriage. You took a few things from Wanda as she tried to balance three packages in her arms. You earned some bickering about how you shouldn’t carry these heavy things because of your status. It made you roll your (e/c) eyes at her and took another package hurrying inside the tavern.

Ayen stood with the owner discussing the accommodation. The tall brown-haired knight was a sight for common people and you watched the guests eye him. You didn’t feel safe in here but had no other option than stay the night. You didn’t want any harm come to Ayen. He was one of the best knights in the court and he was your father’s loyal friend. He was around 3220 (mid 40’s) years old by now, his once blonde hair greying, silver stubble on his jaw.

“Princess, your highness and Lady Wanda will have to share a room. Gorwin and the others will share the one next to yours” Ayen said with a smile on his face. He was a kind person in nature.

“Thank you” you smiled back and hurried up to the room before Wanda could take the packages from you. You couldn’t understand why you needed so many things for the journey. It was not like you wouldn’t get a lot of new dresses in Jöttenheimër or like you wouldn’t have a new set of bathing oils there. Wanda packed five different hairbrushes and seven pairs of different hair accessory.

It was ridiculous. If you would’ve had any say in the way of taking the journey, you would’ve chosen the fastest horse and your riding attire.

The morning came quickly and as soon as you had breakfast, you started your journey again. It was a long way and it was the safest for everyone if you reached the palace in three days. The weather seemed nice until it suddenly started pouring down heavily and you felt sorry for Gorwin who had to ride the carriage.

_**Loki’s PoV.** _

Two days passed since he visited the king and the paper work only seemed to pile up on his desk. Loki barely seen Steve since Princess (Name)’s father sent letter about his daughter’s departure. Queen Frigga tried to help him out with the endless stacks of paper but it still seemed to suffocate him at any moment.

His thoughts seemed to wander to the princess and Steve more and more often. He knew he had to choose but it was driving him insane. Loki felt so alone and Steve’s cold behavior didn’t help him. He looked out the window watching the knights train in the training fields further away from the palace. Steve’s blonde hair was unique in the mass of brown and black hair. People here in Jöttenheimër had dark hair and dark eyes but it was no question that Steve was from somewhere else. The knight himself knew he didn’t belong here by blood but it never stopped him loving this country. His mother arrived to the capital weak and exhausted and gave him to Lord Barns’ mother who happened to cross path with the young woman. Steve told Loki that he asked Bucky’s mother many times how his mother looked like, what was she like. The prince’s thin lips pulled into a sad but fond smile.

He frowned at the sun as it seemed like already setting which meant the princess was late. Loki knew how dangerous the roads these days were with the barbarians breaking in here and there to foray into villages. Suddenly knocking interrupted his thoughts and a servant hurried in his study bowing deeply.

“Your highness! Princess (Name) is at the border of the capital, she will arrive in a half hour” the servant said.

“Thank you” Loki nodded and stood up. He had to get ready for her arrival.

_**Your PoV.** _

The carriage rocked back and forth on the paved road to the palace. Your eyes scanned your surroundings and you made a note in your mind to visit the city sometime. The commoners were staring at the carriage as it passed them, their clothes all different in color and style. You could easily point out the wealthy from the poor.

Wanda bounced excitedly in her seat clapping her hands making you smile widely. She was enjoying herself so much by just traveling to a foreign country. You were both excited and had an uneasy feeling deep in your heart. Like a weight on your shoulders. Wanda’s mother once told you that arranged marriages don’t always turn out luckily. She told you about that there were many where the husband had a couple of other women with the wife and even fell in love with one but when the wife tried to find comfort in her childhood friend’s arms, the husband locked her up and acted like he was jealous. Punishing her with killing her friend.

You sighed heavily with an ache in your chest at the thought of being cheated on. You were taught to accept it that you had no word over what your future husband would do to you or others. You should never question it or oppose his decisions. You always prayed for a happy marriage knowing you would go insane and suicidal if your future husband would cheat on you and leave you for another.

“What is wrong, your highness?” Wanda asked concerned at your suddenly sad expression.

“I am nervous, Wanda” you flashed her a tight-lipped smile. “How would I know if I will be good enough for my fiancée? What if he will have other women while he is married to me?”

“You shouldn’t worry about it, your highness! You are more beautiful than any other women in the court, he would be a fool if he would want someone else when he could have you.” her words didn’t lessen the worry in your heart but you thanked her. The carriage came to a stop and as you looked outside you spotted the palace grand entrance doors. Your heart jumped into your throat if it wasn’t there until now. Up on the end of the stairs was standing Sir Steven Rogers with three other knights in their shining armor. They all went down on one knee when you reached close enough, their heads bowed down. Steve was the first who emerged and greeted you the others following his example.

“It is nice seeing you again, your highness” Steve smiled at you but his smile was pained and distant, he was emanating cold.

“It is indeed, my lord” you smiled up at him trying to hide your nervousness as you curtsied. “Does the prince wish to meet me? Or should I retreat to my chambers for the night?”

Your voice was trembling and you felt the other knights’ eyes on you. There was a brown haired white skinned man with stubble on his chin, next to him was a dark-skinned man, his hair cut so short that it was almost like he was bald. Both of them watched Steve and you converse like they should jump in at any moment. And finally, the third knight who had red-blonde hair with blue eyes. His eyes seemed to be glued to Wanda making you smirk inside your mind.

“The prince is already waiting your highness inside the salon” Steve replied making you nod. “I will show you the way, my princess.”

You just nodded not knowing what else you should say. Something was bothering Steve and you liked him much to want to ease his pain if you could. You walked quietly next to the blonde knight with your hands clasped together in front of you. He seemed tense and even if you wanted to ask him about it so badly, you couldn’t. Not in front of others. As a princess you shouldn’t interact with a knight – one of your soon to be subjects – the way you used to. You would be impolite if you wouldn’t give him the right level of respect.

Wanda made light chatter with the light-haired knight as he kept asking her questions. You felt the other two watch you from behind. As you passed corridors and doors you couldn’t help but admire the decorations and the intricate work of the wooden doors. The windows were large letting in all the sun light they could. Your lips pulled into a gentle smile as you looked over the familiar trinkets you’ve seen before when you visited the kingdom.

“My princess… we have arrived” Steve said opening the door to the right letting you in after he walked in. He kept the door until Sir Sam took it from him to let the other inside. You spotted the prince… your prince by the window with a cup of tea in his hands. Your eyes met his green ones which shifted to Steve before they settled on you finally. Prince Loki stood up and walked up to you as the knights knelt down around you.

“Princess (Name)” Loki’s deep voice sent down shivers down your spine. He lifted his hand which you accepted and watched him bow slightly to kiss your knuckles. You curtsied as it was custom and smiled up at him. He didn’t reciprocate it shocking you a little resulting in questioning yourself. Did you offend him some way? Have you not acted as it was protocol?

“You can all leave now, thank you” he said looking over the knights and Wanda. His green eyes stopped again at Steve but you shrugged it off. They must be close friends, you thought.

Loki led you to the sofa before asking for another cup from a maid. He was so handsome, his prominent nose and thin lips, his high cheekbones and his long slender fingers that folded a napkin with precision.

“Tell me, (Name)… was your travel tiring?” he asked turning to you. He was oozing from indifference. You felt trapped as you looked into those deep green eyes. It felt like he was looking into your soul, scrutinizing you like you were a small insect.

“It was long… however, I’m not as tired as I thought I would be” you smiled up at him politely with your heart racing. “Do we need to attend a formal event? That is why you’re asking me that?”

“No, I rearranged everything to give you time to adjust to the palace” his thin lips pulled into an equally polite smile yet it still was lacking of any emotion.

“I realize that it might be intrusive to ask what I intend to ask from you… but… are you unhappy with our engagement?” you asked quietly. A long silence weighed the two of you down as you waited for a response from him.

“I… I do not hate you nor am I upset with our engagement…” he sighed. “These are just difficult times for me, my princess. My father is dying slowly and I am soon to be king.”

“I apologize for my invasive question” you bowed slightly feeling rude for stomping on a topic like that.

“We would have to talk about our… relationship sooner or later” he sighed putting down his cup. The maid suddenly opened the door hurrying in with a tray setting everything down. She quickly bowed and scurried out of the salon.

“I know… that our marriage will be one out of interest” you began slowly. “However, I wish to know if there is any chance for-“

“For love? Affection?” Loki asked you lifting an eyebrow. His features were so cold and statuesque that it sent chills down your back. “I do not believe that I am capable of loving anyone else other than the one who already holds my heart.”

It was like a slap to the face. You felt like the air was knocked out of your lungs at that statement and you gripped your skirt forcefully. Your whole body went stiff as your one fear became reality. You always feared that when you would finally become his, he would already have someone. Your heart pounded in your chest as you tried to fight the tears back.

“Then I have to ask you to keep your affair a secret even from me” you said quietly. “I wish to not see who took my one chance at a happy life away. Please excuse me…”

You quickly jumped to your feet, curtsied and hurried out of the salon. Fortunately, no one was waiting on you outside and you were relieved that no one would try to make you talk. You needed to be alone right now. As you ran down corridor after corridor you found yourself in the stables. You saw no one there as you looked around yourself. Tears started rolling down your cheeks and you hid your face in your hands, shoulders shaking as you fell to your knees. You haven’t noticed one of the horses, a black mare to walk up to you, before it nudged you. You jumped in surprise but the mare sniffed at you and nudged you again.

“What is it?” you asked gently patting the horse’s head. She pushed her head into your palm as to urge you to pet her. Your lips grew into a smile as you caressed her. “So, you want some attention, don’t you?”

“She’s really affectionate” replied a deep voice from the other side of the stables. You jumped again in surprise and quickly wiped at your eyes turning back to the horse. Sir Rogers walked up to the two of you and when he stood on the other side of the mare, he quickly noticed your wet cheeks. “Everything alright, my princess? Do you need medical attention? Or a glass of water?”

You looked up to him to see his handsome features show you his concern. You smiled sadly and sighed shaking your head.

“No… I am only a little emotional…” you replied quietly. “It’s just that… the conversation with Prince Loki was…”

“What has the prince done? Has he hurt you?” Steve’s brows furrowed as he examined you.

“It is my fault that I am hurt, Steve” you sighed tears bubbling up again. “I haven’t thought of losing him before I had any chance. I haven’t thought of him already loving someone else.”

“He told you about-“ his breath hitched in his throat. “About… his affair?”

“He told me to never hope for our marriage to be more than out of interest” you replied.

“I’m sorry, my princess” Steve sighed like his heart was breaking. You knew he had that someone years ago that he couldn’t be with. Maybe he knew how it felt. “He will realize that your marriage is not optional… I know it must be hurtful… but he’s worth waiting for.”

_**To be continued…** _


	3. When It Comes To Love

The sun was shining through the windows as you sat at the library. It was a quiet afternoon and since your arrival which was two weeks ago, you found a spot between the bookshelves you liked to sit for hours. Attending dinners and lunch with other nobles, letting Prince Loki introduce you to everyone who needed to know you, was taking its toll on you. It was tiring to keep smiling and jab back at the sharp comments some noble women let herself utter.

You met Queen Frigga again on your third day at breakfast. She still amazed you with her beauty and grace. Her blonde hair curling around her face, her moves always similar to a swan’s. You had to sit next to Loki during breakfasts, however, you hated the fact that you needed to endure his cold silence. He was acting like it was your fault he couldn’t be with his lover, which saddened you and made you furious at the same time. You were the rightful fiancée of the prince therefore you had every right to be there. You were promised this marriage, you prepared yourself for this one alliance throughout your life and you won’t let anyone take that from you.

“I see you grew to like this place quickly” a gentle voice interrupted your thoughts. You looked up from your book to see Queen Frigga smile down at you. She was leaning against a bookcase, wearing a blue dress and silver accessories.

“This is the only place I do not have to face all those nobles” you replied putting your book down. “Would you like to join me, my queen?”

“Actually, I came to inform you that tonight we will all have to join the king… he wishes to tell you and Prince Loki something and wants the closest servants to hear it too” she came closer and sat down next you. A sad smile playing on her features.

“I-… I will be there of course…” you replied quietly. You had to know more about what was going on with Prince Loki, your future husband. If you had to fight for his attention and affection in the future, you wanted to be prepared for the fight with whoever would get in your way. You were meant to be together, you were promised this marriage, you fought hard to become the perfect princess and you weren’t giving up without a hell of a fight. “My queen… can I ask you something?”

“Is it about the prince’s lover?” she asked with an even sadder smile and knowing eyes. Your lips parted to say something but nothing came to your mind. Your heart jumped in your chest. So, she knew.

“Is there anything I can do… to make the prince turn to me?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows. Your hands balling into fists on your lap, jealousy coursing through your veins.

“He needs yet to realize how little say he has in this marriage… he’s stubborn and… I believe he found the love of his life” Queen Frigga replied looking away from you. Your face fell at the last sentence… it meant there was little chance he will turn to you and forget about the other person. He would definitely keep them as a lover during your marriage. Your hands trembled in anger as tears threatened to spill out of your (e/c) eyes, your lips turning down in a pout.

You weren’t just anyone. You were meant to be his wife and you had all the rights to be the only one in his bed after your marriage. You were promised this marriage… everyone promised _him_ to you. Fate took away your chance at true love, you had no chance to find the love of your life. What right he had to be with his when you couldn’t be with yours?

“(Name)… I know it must be painful to endure this, but-“

“Excuse me, my queen for interrupting you… but my only answer to him is that I will fight till my last breath if he cheats on me and decides to be unfaithful to me. If I cannot be happy then he has no right to keep a slut to himself” you stood up anger painting your beautiful face with red. “I do not care if you warn him or think I am disrespectful to you… but tell him also that he does not want me as his enemy.”

You turned on your heels and fled the library with long strides not noticing Sir Rogers hiding between bookshelves, his forehead pressed to one of the shelves as he gripped a book. The library grew silent after you left in a hurry but Steve’s heart hammered in his chest. He was the reason the sweet princess was slowly growing into a coldhearted son-to-be-queen. He was the reason both the prince and the princess were suffering.

A gentle hand on his shoulder interrupted his hurricane like thoughts, the cloud over his head dissolving for the moment as he turned to Queen Frigga. She was always reminding him of his mother with her blonde curls and kind smile.

“I know…” she sighed with a sad smile as she pulled him into a warm embrace. Her gentle hand smoothing over his short blonde hair as he clung to her. A tear slipped down his right cheek as his heart was warm and broken at the same time.

“It’s too much…” he breathed heavily.

“I know” she replied quietly.

_**Loki’s PoV.** _

Ever since he told those harsh words to Princess (Name) he felt like a monster. She was so pure, her eyes shining at every opportunity to speak to him, searching for him during events. He thought he wasn’t interested in women ever since Sygin pushed him away and he found refuge in Steve’s arms that fateful night. He looked like an angel with his blonde hair and shining blue eyes, his silver armor shining in the moonlight.

Yet the princess made his heart twinkle like the smallest set of bells. He remembered when he first met her. After their first dance in the Alfhendrëan palace, the way she looked up at him, he thought he fell in love with her. But distance is a hard wall when it comes to love. She was sending him letters and he answered them until he spotted Sygin in the gardens. As he started talking to Sygin, picked flowers for her, he forgot to answer the princess’ letters and only answered them late until he stopped replying. He couldn’t remember how she looked, only that she was radiating kindness and warmth. Then Sygin told him she found a nice guy in the village and when he asked if he wasn’t clear enough with his intentions, she laughed… She laughed so hard until she couldn’t and told him that she never took him seriously. She knew he was engaged and wouldn’t want to spend her time with someone who cannot be hers to take.

Loki rode as fast as he could on his horse’ back until he couldn’t see the palace. He collapsed on the grass and curled in on himself letting his tears fall freely thinking that no one was there to see them. Oh, how wrong he was. Steve, his savior was there to watch. The blonde angel in shining armor.

**_Flashback~_ **

_T_ _he air was growing cold around him as it got darker and darker in the small grass field in the middle of nowhere. He had no idea where he was. The only thing he cared about was his broken heart. He blamed his betrothed, the stupid princess who was waiting on him relentlessly, sending him stupid love letters of how she wanted to see him. She wouldn’t even recognize him after so many years. He only wanted someone to love him… here and now. Dareos leaned down and poked him with his nose trying to sooth him somehow but it didn’t work._

_“Prince Loki!” a familiar voice cried out from twenty feet away from his spot. His green eyes snapped open and he quickly wiped at his tears as he sat up. “Prince Loki!” the voice again now from closer making his heart hammer in his chest. No one should see him in a state like this, what would father say?! It would be humiliating if someone saw him with tears running down his face. “Prince-… Prince Loki! There you are! Are you alright?!”_

_Loki turned around to see Sir Steven Rogers running up to him. His green eyes noticed how the knight’s blonde hair looked like a halo around his head, his blue eyes looking at Loki with pure worry and relief when he saw nothing happened to the prince._

_“My prince… why did you leave the palace? Everyone is looking for you” Steve breathed as he knelt down next to Loki checking for any injury before his blue eyes landed on the prince’s face. The knight’s fell a little as the prince looked away from him but Loki knew the knight noticed his sadness. It was written over his face, he couldn’t hide it._

_“Yes… everything is quite alright…” he replied quietly but the knight was having none of that. His gloved fingers caught his chin and turned his face to look Steve in the eyes. Sir Rogers was handsome, Loki couldn’t deny that… but there was something more…_

_“You can trust me, your highness… I can see that there is something bothering you” he said with furrowed eyebrows. “I would never judge you nor would I betray you.”_

_“Why… cannot I have any love?” Loki asked quietly already regretting uttering a word. He needed to be strong, fierce… even if his heart was broken._

_“Of course, you can have love, my prince” Steve’s voice washed over him like a tidal wave. It was so soothing yet so overwhelming. “Are you sad because of that blonde girl? The one who finds a different guy every other week? Making them spend their money on her until they have none and she moves onto the next? Does she really worth your time? Or your affection?”_

_“Do not speak of Sygin like that!” it was more disappointment than anger the prince felt but still. He couldn’t have made a mistake so big and fatal… he was a prince… a low-life like that would never catch his eyes… or would she?_

_“I am telling you the truth, my prince…” Steve smiled sadly. “Do you remember, my friend and comrade, Bucky? The one with the brown hair? He chased after that girl too just to see her walk away with a richer guy without a second thought of him.”_

_“Why are you telling me these things?” Loki asked still doubting but more and more less._

_“Because you’re my prince, your highness… and as one of your loyal servants, I cannot let you make a mistake” the blonde smiled kindly at him. “That girl will not embrace you when you need someone to rely on but I will be always on your side to give my shoulder you can lean on.”_

_“You’re ridiculous” Loki huffed making the blonde laugh heartily. Green eyes widened in shock both from irritation and the shock of how melodic the knight’s laugh was._

_“Not as much as you, my prince” laughed the blonde. “You just ran out of the palace like you were chased and now the whole place is upside down, your mother is shouting orders to the maids while your father is declaring war against any realm that took you hostage. You should’ve seen their red faces and the paling palace stuff.”_

_“I-… I don’t want to go back yet” Loki sighed with a small smile playing on his thin lips._

_“Then don’t” the knight replied laying down next to him on the grass looking up at the dark sky with the millions of stars shining around. It was fascinating but Loki found himself mesmerized by the blonde knight. And before he could realize, he was looking for every opportunity to talk to Sir Rogers. Trying to find him in the crowd during knight’s tournaments. Soon their hang-outs lasted more than a few minutes and words. Loki found himself reading to the blonde in the library for hours on sleepless nights._

_And then… one night like those he kissed Steve’s cheek gently while the blonde slept. He couldn’t stop himself and wanted more. The blonde’s soft skin felt heavenly on his lips but as the blonde stirred a little Loki fled the library with his face burning. What was he doing?! He was… he was a man! What-what the hell was that?!_

_He tried to avoid Steve as much as he could and he felt just as heartbroken as the blonde looked when Loki turned away from him or didn’t even acknowledge him in the room. It went like that for weeks… almost a month. Loki thought he lost the only friend he ever had as he walked across the garden. He was passing by the hedge maze when someone grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the maze, the bushes shaking from his weight as he brushed against them, leaves rustling._

_“What have I done?!” Steve’s familiar voice made him jump and he was already looking for a way out._

_“Y-you… n-nothing” Loki felt his palms sweat as he looked around nervously but he was in a dead-end and Steve was blocking the way with his… large presence. For the first time, Loki cursed the blonde for being strong and buff._

_“Then why are you avoiding me?! Do you hate me? Have you got bored of our friendship?” the blonde asked with puppy dog eyes and the raven-haired prince’s heart was thumping in a million miles per hour. He averted his gaze from Steve’s knowing… feeling his blush creeping on his cheeks._

_“I… we…” he tried to find the right words. “Steve… I think I…”_

_“You think…?” the blonde tried to get an answer out of him stepping closer to the prince until their chests were almost pressed together. Loki felt like he was about to faint yet his couldn’t get enough of the feeling of Steve being so close to him._

_“I think I fell in love with you” he breathed so quietly that the blonde had to listen closely. Loki wanted to puke or run away or both. He couldn’t believe he was saying such a thing. Steve’s fingers pulled his chin up and the next thing he knew… the blonde was kissing him. He gasped in surprise and quickly pulled away. “What are you…”_

_“I’m in love with you, my prince” Steve replied interrupting him angrily. “I never thought I would fall for another man… nor do I have any idea how this should work but when it comes to you, I would run to the end of the world and back for you. You’re always on my mind and when you’re not close to me, I feel like I’ll jump out the window. I wanted to touch you… kiss you for so long and I don’t have it in me to take it any longer. I love you, Loki…”_

_Green eyes widened at the confession and his heart thumped hard in his chest. Steve caged him in before kissing him again and he couldn’t do anything else but to kiss him back. He wanted the blonde and he didn’t care that they were both men or that he had a betrothed already. He just wanted to feel, touch… love._

**_End of flashback~_ **

Loki sighed as he massaged his temples. He never thought he would end up in such a situation. He kept pushing back the reality in his mind while he was fooling around with Steve… was it really fooling around? His love for the blonde man only grew ever since he confessed and he wasn’t ready to let go or give up that love. Knocking sounded through his study before the large wooden doors opened and in walked Queen Frigga.

“Mother? Did something happen?” he jumped up from his seat hurrying up to the blonde woman.

“You should end your fling with Steve” she was never this straight forward before. She never uttered a word about his relationship with the knight but her eyes looked at him with a certainty he only saw in the throne room up until now.

“You know that… I am not capable of letting him go” Loki sighed backing up from Frigga.

“Loki, do you have any idea how much both Steve and the princess are suffering?” she walked up to the sofa at the side. “You still have her letters… letters you never answered but letters she kept sending you even then. She’s your fiancée, Loki. You will live your life with her even if you don’t want to. She will always be here no matter who you love… and don’t think she will not fight anyone who threatens her title as your wife.”

“I will be the king and not her!” he yelled angrily. “She only has the right to give me an heir nothing else! I will keep Steve and make her watch who I belong to if I have to so she understands her place!”

“Who are you?” Frigga walked up to him cupping his face in her hands gently. “My son is not a cruel monster to do that… Don’t you have a heart to understand that Princess (Name) gave up everything so she could be yours? She never had the chance to be as free as you can be… I know you don’t feel free right now but imagine how little space she has to move compared to you…”

“I wouldn’t care if she found a lover amongst the court” his reply came out as cold as it could be. Even Loki looked at himself surprised by the coldness in his voice.

“And be the center of attention and humiliation?! Have you lost your mind?! A queen cannot do such a thing! Loki, you’re to be king and she is to be queen!” Frigga tried to reason with him as she got more and more frustrated with him.

“THEN TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” he yelled tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt miserable and knew he looked miserable as he leaned on his desk with his hands, shoulders hunched. He was trembling.

“Do the right thing, Loki… end your relationship with Steve, let him heal and find happiness with someone else” she put a hand on his shoulder. Loki felt like he was about to die. _Find his happiness with someone else…_ Tears flowed freely down his cheeks.

“I love him… more than my life, mother” he whispered.

“I know…” she replied quietly pulling him into a warm embrace. “I know…”

_**To be continued…** _


	4. One More Night

You stood in the bed chambers of the king. King Odin looked weak as he kept back his coughing as long as he could, his white hair and beard looking like snow-covered plains. You watched him look over the people gathered around, his one good eye passing Queen Frigga, Prince Loki, Sir Rogers, Sir Barnes, Sir Vision until it settles on you. He calls you over to him before anyone else surprising you. You slowly walked up to him; your steps graceful as the low heels you were wearing quietly knocked on the floor. You felt everyone’s eyes follow you making you even more self-aware and paying attention to make your body move a princess’ moves should be: graceful and peculiar.

You curtsied gracefully, your eyes only on the king as he watched you with a small smile.

“Please, forgive me, my princess that I cannot greet you properly” he sighed sadly referring to protocol and etiquette. You sat on the chair next to him and replied with a smile on your features.

“In times like these, to hell with the etiquette and politeness” your voice was gentle making the king chuckle.

“I wished to see the mother of my future-grandchildren” he said. “Frigga chose wisely… and you may now question whether you will fit in with the royal palace but I know, that you will be a great queen, my child.”

“Thank you, my king” you smiled at him.

“I wish I could see you and my son at the end of the aisle, binding your lives together” Odin said looking at his son. You felt the tension in the air grow as your marriage was brought up and you stole a glance at Loki who forced his lips into a smile and at Sir Rogers who seemed like he wanted to be anywhere else but here. Maybe he knows who is Loki’s secret lover…

“You will be there, father” Loki said walking up to you and Odin. You felt his tense body posture and strained features making you avert your gaze feeling ashamed. You felt like you were intruding on a moment you weren’t supposed to witness.

“Oh son, you were always hopeful and naïve in these matters…” Odin looked up at Loki with fondness in his eye. You tried to deny how you longed after a look like that from your own father or mother… you pushed yourself so hard all those years and hoped you would have a different life here because secretly you wanted to get away from them. You never uttered a word about your parents’ harsh behavior and strict rules, the way they were talking about you like a painting on an auction. They wanted to sell you on a high price but still wanted to gain power or alliance by selling you.

Suddenly the old king started coughing hard, the doctors quickly flooding the room and the nurses ushering everyone out. Loki looked miserable and your heart thumped in your chest for him. You were worried about him and without thought you walked up to him, gently putting a hand on his arm.

“He will be alright, Loki” you whispered quietly trying to show your sympathy and care. For the first time in the two weeks of you being present in the palace, he didn’t pull away nor did he say anything mean to you. His blue-green eyes looked down into your (e/c) ones, his thin lips trembling a little as he nodded. “Come, let us go get some fresh air… maybe it will help us.”

“Alright…” he said reluctantly offering you his right arm. You accepted it, circling yours in his and excusing yourselves from the others present. You noticed something flash across Sir Rogers’ handsome face but it was unreadable and he quickly turned away telling the queen he has to go back to his duties. You felt Loki tense up a little beside you but led you toward the gardens.

“I know… we haven’t been on the best of terms ever since I arrived…” you broke the silence as you looked down at the stone pavement leading toward the back garden. “However, I think that we should at least be able to speak to each other… if we will have to live our lives together.”

“Negotiations?” his voice was deep and smooth but cold just the same. You had to remind yourself that he would never care for you, he was clear about it on the first day.

“Would it not be more tolerable if we didn’t have to argue almost all the time?” you asked lifting an eyebrow. “But that is not the point.”

“Then what is?” Loki asked not looking at you. His eyes roamed the horizon, his arm tensing up under your tender touch making you smile sadly.

“You will be king and I will become queen on your side… yet I will not have any say in how you live your life” you said slowly. “I will only ask that you keep your lover hidden from me… I wish not to know who took your heart away from me.”

“I wouldn’t tell you who it is in a million years…” he spit angrily stopping. You looked up into his ocean green eyes which held so much hatred for you. Your tears dried up a long time ago. There was no point in crying over him and what you couldn’t have. No one was interested in your misery and crying will never solve your problems. “Have you assumed that I would tell you so you could hurt them?” a huff. “You wouldn’t be able to hurt them… you’re just a petty princess thinking that life is all about tea parties.”

“That is where you’re are wrong… you could never be farther from the truth” you initiated walking again by pulling away from him. You knew he was catching up quickly by the sound of his footfalls on the grave. “If you really love that person then you should not give up that love” you said suddenly without thinking interrupting the silence that settled on you two. You sighed with a fond, hurt and broken smile playing on your lips. If you would’ve had the chance, you would’ve fought for Loki but you were a woman without any rights or privilege to say anything in the matter. “If I would be in your place, if I could have that much of a freedom, I would do everything in my power.”

“Why?” Loki stopped under a tree in a corner where no one would see you or hear you. His blue-green eyes pierced into you making you blush slightly as your heart quickened its pace. You wanted to trace your fingers along his cheek, brush his skin… feel him. Maybe in another life one day.

“Because sometimes we have to give up if we really love the other one” you replied flashing him a quick smile. You quickly stepped away from him, curtsied excusing yourself and fled the spot. You didn’t want to run away but you couldn’t take anymore the want you held for him. You couldn’t watch him long after someone you never even saw. You told him to keep the other one a secret from you in hopes that it would hurt less if you didn’t know the identity of the other lady but maybe you were wrong. What was so great about her? What was missing in you that she had? Was it her blonde/brown/red/black hair? Was it her lips?

When you entered your bed chambers you startled Wanda who was putting away some clothes in your closet. Only one look took her to understand that something was wrong. Her arms wrapped around you tightly trying to calm your shaking shoulders and loud sobs wrecking your petite frame.

“I’m here, your grace” she whispered. After the day of your arrival she quickly realized what was going on and forced you to tell her the truth one night. She was raging when she found you tried crying yourself to sleep that night. She was angry with your husband-to-be and wanted to pack up your things and told you that you should end your engagement with him that instant. During her time at your home you were the only one who was kind to her and treated her as a human being.

You managed to calm down a bit as she hurried to you with a cup of tea. You were happy that she found Sir Vision who treated her well, bringing her the largest bouquet of red roses, taking her out on picnics and rides into the woods, showering Wanda with love. She seemed to be happy with the knight and you asked her when she will be planning her wedding with him to which she went all red from neck up making you giggle. You wanted to take your attention off of your already failing relationship with your future husband. You had no choice in marrying him or going back to your home. If you would leave him, your parents would make you pay for the humiliation you inflicted on them. And you couldn’t just end this engagement. You had no say in any of this. You were just a shiny trinket, a beautiful little bird in a golden cage.

“Why wouldn’t you fight for your love? You’re the rightful woman his attention should be on, not on a commoner, your grace” Wanda said. “You have the privilege to do everything in your power to keep that other woman out of the way.”

“If he does not love me, Wanda… I can do nothing to change it” you smiled. “Wouldn’t you want Sir Vision to be happy even if it wouldn’t be you on his side? You have the freedom to leave him if he turns to another… but I am only a bargaining chip in all this. I cannot leave Loki even if he will have children from the other woman and will take them as his heirs, even if I would have to lie and say those are my blood and flesh.”

“You accept your fate so easily… I wouldn’t take it in your place” she sighed with furrowed eyebrows.

“We’re different” you smiled fondly at her taking her hand in yours. “But that is why we get along so well.”

“Oh, your grace!” Wanda beamed happily. She seemed to perk up at a thought and suddenly pulled you up by your hand pulling you out of the chambers. She giggled as she led you down to the stables where you finally managed to waken from your stunned state.

“Wanda, why are we here?” you asked.

“Can you ride a horse?” she asked looking through the horses’ boxes.

“Of course, I can” you replied furrowing your eyebrows.

“Excellent!” she chirped, her eyes lighting up when she spotted someone. You followed her gaze and your eyes landed on Sir Vision and Sir Barnes. His blue eyes widened at the sight of both of you but a mischievous smile played on his lips. His brown hair was pulled back from his face but let out around his shoulders. Wanda quickly went up to them with a bright smile making the men’s heads turn to her. She was already talking their heads off and you couldn’t hear the first part of her monologue. “…Princess (Name) and me wish to go on a ride, can we borrow your horses?”

“Wanda, you cannot just bother others like that!” you walked up to her, your hands on your hips with a frown on your face. “They clearly must have duties which we should not bother.”

“It is their duty to protect your grace, if they accompanied us it wouldn’t be a bother for them, right?” she turned back to the stunned gentlemen making you face palm. Which stunned them even more. The way you were behaving was not quite as lady like as they thought you would be. However, for now, that was the last thing you cared about.

“Wanda, you cannot just…”

“It would be perfectly fine with me” Sir Vision smiled gently.

“If the ladies wish to go on a ride, we cannot say no” Sir Barnes chuckled even if you found a hint of tension in his tone. “Let us finish saddling these beauties up and we can go.”

You pulled Wanda to the side as the men were busy with the horses, your beautiful face in a grimace.

“You cannot bother others like that, we’re not in Alfhendrër! And why are we leaving the palace without permission? What if someone recognizes me and tries to attack us? I don’t want to be held hostage or want the royal family to have to pay for my freedom!” you scolded her.

“With all due respect, your grace, you need to relax” Wanda rolled her eyes at you with her arms crossed in front of her chest. “I am trying to keep your mind occupied so you don’t think about the prince.”

“Thank you, Wanda” you sighed with a sad smile on your lips. “I know you care about me and I am grateful for your efforts.”

“Don’t say it like that, my princess… you sound like you don’t think you will ever be happy.” she pouted averting her gaze. “I know that you will have your chance at happiness. You deserve it.”

“Alright, everything is ready” Sir Barnes said walking out of the stable with a dashing smile on his handsome face. “We should depart unless we want to arrive back late.”

You both nodded and went up to them. To your surprise, the brown-haired knight grabbed you around your waist and lifted you gently into the saddle with surprising ease before jumping up behind you. You never had a man so close to you before therefore you felt your slight blush justified and ignored how Wanda giggled in front of Sir Vision as she looked at you.

_**Meanwhile in the library…** _

The light shined down upon the crown prince as he sat in a comfortable armchair, his long legs crossed and a large book in his lap. His eyebrows furrowed at the words and letters as they decided to make fun of him today and dance all over the pages in front of his eyes. No matter how hard he was trying to focus, it was in vain. His thoughts ran a million miles per hour as he thought back on today’s happenings. His heart was pulling him in one direction just so when he turned in that direction it could pull him in the opposite way.

Steve was the most important for him ever since he fell for the knight. Steve was the one who cheer him up, be the support he needed in difficult times. Yet the princess easily made him doubt himself. He was planning on sending her back to Alfhendrër when he was crowned king. But now? Now he had no idea if he would be able to do that. Her beautiful (e/c) eyes held so much depth, emotions in them and he could clearly see the love she held for him. Her words made his heart pound heavily in his chest. She would give up her own happiness just to make him happy. He couldn’t send her away, care not about her when she’s so sweet. It would break her completely if he would do that. But could he send Steve away? Could he reject him? Could he live without Steve? Definitely not.

“Are you thinking about her?” a familiar deep voice asked from nowhere making the prince flinch. Steve stepped out from behind a bookshelf with a sad smile on his plump lips Loki loved so much.

“She would… would let us be” he said quietly averting his gaze as Steve walked closer. The cushions of the sofa shifted as the blonde knight sat down on his left side.

“Do you like her?” his lover asked quietly with a broken tone. Loki wanted to tell Steve how much he loved him and there’s nothing going to change but that would be a lie, a lie no one would believe in their position.

“I have no idea…” Loki sighed screwing his eyes shut scrunching his nose up massaging the bridge of his nose. He felt Steve’s eyes on him but he couldn’t look into those beautiful blue eyes, no. “I still have her letters and the fact that she would give up her happiness for mine… I just can’t hate her, Steve.”

“I don’t want her to give up her happiness” Steve’s voice sounded determined. The prince’s eyes widened whipping his head at the other man. Steve turned to him with furrowed eyebrows. “She was loving you throughout her life, no matter how far you were from her, no matter how many of her letters were unanswered. Whenever I accompanied Queen Frigga to Alfhendrër, she was eager to talk to me and kept asking about you, Loki. I was happy with you but we both knew that our fooling around will have to come to an end. Two men together… no matter how we feel, Loki… it would never work.”

“It did… it can work even if I marry her! She gave her permission for us to continue our relationship” Loki grabbed Steve’s hand in his tears in his eyes. His heart was in his throat and he wanted to cling onto Steve. This man in front of him was the love of his life… the only good thing that happened to him in his life. He cannot let go of him just like that.

“Maybe you can be so selfish but I can’t Loki… I always liked her and watching her so heartbroken… I wouldn’t be able to look into the mirror, Loki” Steve pressed his forehead against the prince’ with his eyes closed silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Promise me one last night… love me for one last time” Loki whispered to him, hands trembling as he held onto Steve. The linen shirt the blonde was wearing wrinkled up in his palms. “Just one night, Steve…”

“Alright…”

_**To be continued…** _


	5. Anywhere

It was so sudden that you barely had time to process it. The king died. King Odin died during the night. The kingdom was mourning while you sat in your chambers pushing your breakfast around on your plate. It meant… that soon you will have to marry Loki. You swallowed thickly before you were ushered into the bathroom by Wanda. She took care of everything and dressed you in an ebony black dress. It had long sleeves made from black lace covering your shoulders to your wrists. The chest was cut low perfectly fitting on the swell of your breasts. The skirt part had a tan satin skirt and on it was a layer of black lace. As Wanda made your hair in an exquisite up-do, you tried to focus on your reflection in the mirror. You couldn’t lose your sense of reality now. You would soon celebrate Prince Loki being crowned king and then you will become his wife.

You wondered how that will go. All you ever wanted was his love. You kept sending him letters, telling him about your everyday and asking him about his. At first, after your engagement ceremony, he eagerly replied to them and seemed interested in what you had to say. You remember him mentioning a girl in the gardens. A blonde girl, Sygin, whom he gushed about throughout a whole letter. You thought nothing of it then, thinking he just found a good friend… but then his letters seemed to stop. Your heart thumped in your chest as you thought of the beautiful girl he described so thoroughly. She must be the one who holds his heart. A drop of water fell on your skirt as you sat there waiting for Wanda to finish fiddling with your (h/c) hair.

“Don’t cry, your majesty” she tutted stopping in her work. “He is in a better place now. The king doesn’t have to suffer anymore.”

“What will become of me, Wanda?” you asked quietly.

“A wife and a good queen, your majesty” she chirped flashing you a toothy grin. _A prisoner surely…_ you thought. The brunette quickly painted your lips and used some eyeshadow and eyeliner on you before she finished her work with the tiara. It was beautiful. Black gems shining on it. It had five crystals pointing to the sky while smaller gems decorated the space between each crystal. It looked regal, authoritative and cold. Since a few weeks, you constantly felt cold… numb to the world around you.

You were escorted by guards to the former king’s funeral as his boat slowly descended on the river. Thousands of lanterns lighted up the dawning sky. It was so early that it was still dark. The stars lighting up the navy-blue sky above you. The knights, Sir Rogers, Sir Barnes, Sir Wilson and Sir Vision amongst other knights followed the royal family closely behind. You stood on Loki’s side who seemed distant, cold. It looked like he wasn’t present spiritually only physically. He felt colder than the wind that tried to bite into you as you walked on his side. You had no idea how he felt losing his father. You wouldn’t feel sad at the news of your parents’ death nor would you mourn them. Not after how they treated you.

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_The Alfhendrërian spring was warm and bright. The nature blossoming, bringing back the life after the harsh, icy winter. Not that the snow-covered mountains wouldn’t make anyone stare at them in awe. Today will Jöttenheimer’s royal family visit the palace, today you will become the fiancée of their son, Prince Loki._

_You eagerly waited for it ever since your parents told you their arrangement with King Odin and Queen Frigga. You remembered the first time you met him in Jöttenheimer on a ball when the war of Vomeros ended with your father and King Odin’s victory. You both were children back then amongst the adults and both of you felt out of place. The conversation flowed easily and you quickly found yourself in their gardens._

_Your heart picked up its pace as you thought of seeing your friend again. He was the only other friend you had besides Wanda. Your parents never let other children play with you and scolded you if you “stooped to their level”. They tried to make you believe that by being born of royal blood, you were above everyone else. You understood that you had duties to the people and that you were different but they were not trash for you to throw out. However, your body remembered all those times you tried to argue or oppose their will._

_You tried not to wince when Wanda helped you into a nice ball gown that cascaded down your form like it was pure liquid fitting your form perfectly. The brunette could see how uncomfortable these large dresses made you but you learnt that a princess walks with her back straight and her chin high. That a princess walks with grace and ease, light on her feet._

_“Are you excited to see him, my princess?” she asked beaming happily. You knew you talked of him much since you found a new friend back then. When she made fun of you for gushing about having a friend was when you realized how lonely you were. You looked down on your skirt clasping your hands together._

_“And nervous” you blinked looking back up at your reflection in the mirror. “What if he won’t find me good enough? What if he will be disappointed by me? What will my parents say if I fail this engagement?”_

_“He will be enamored with you, my princess” Wanda grabbed your hands in hers squeezing them. You knew she wouldn’t dare such a thing if any of your parents would be present and her gesture made your heart melt just a little. She was the only one who truly cared for you. “He will find you ravishing and will want to marry you right away.”_

_“You jest” you chuckled but there was a bright smile that rarely showed up on your face._

_The way down to the throne room was long with all the servants running around on their duties. When you reached the throne room, your father and mother was already waiting for the other royal family to arrive. Their gazes turned to you when you entered with Wanda in your heels. She quickly stood to the side with her head lowered as you made your way over to the king and queen._

_Your mother wore a nice gown that accentuated her curves yet gave her an authoritative aura. Your father was just as cold and authoritative as his wife, his features hard like a stone. Like it was their lives on stake here, like they were the ones who could fail this challenge._

_“Father, mother” you bowed and stood to the side on your mother’s side. They barely gave you a nod and quickly turned their attentions back on the great doors. You counted the minutes ticking by as you stood there, your feet already hurting in your shoes but you could stand for more than a day and a half. Your mother trained you._

_Suddenly, your thoughts were interrupted by loud trombone notes signaling the arrival of King Odin and his family. Your back straightened even more if that was possible, your heart hammered in your chest as the doors opened to reveal the royal family. King Odin walked in the center with Queen Frigga on his arm and his son, Prince Loki was walking behind them. He was tall and lean, his cheekbones protruding casting a shadow over his cheeks, his skin tight on his chin and neck, his blue-green eyes the color of the ocean. His raven hair reaching his chin but combed back from his face. Loki’s eyes quickly found yours making you blush and avert your gaze but not before you caught a glimpse of his mischievous smirk at your reaction._

_Your parents stood and went down to greet them with you in tow. When Loki lifted your hand to his lips and breathed a soft kiss on your knuckles your heart sped up._

_“Long time no see, my princess” he said with a genuine smile playing on his lips._

_“Indeed, my prince” you smiled back up at him. He offered you his arm as all of you walked to the dining hall. Your arm and hand fitted around his so perfectly, like the two of you were made for each other. “I still can’t seem to forget when we first met. I never had such a great time ever since. Alfhendrër is dull compared to your kingdom.”_

_“I have to disagree with that… Alfhendrër is just as beautiful, you must only find my home more beautiful because it is different from the everyday scenery you wake up to.” his thin lips pulled into a warm smile. “But we have some time for you to show me around and maybe you could convince me.”_

_“I believe you’re already convinced of the opposite” you laugh joyfully._

_“Maybe because your home already given me its most valuable treasure” he winked at you making you blush deeply. Maybe in the end… everything would turn out better._

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Queen Frigga woke you up on the next morning with a gentle smile that had a hint of sadness. She tried to hide her mourning from everyone especially you but you noticed the way her small wrinkles around her mouth hinted at strain, her eyes easily drifted to a space only she knew of. Wanda hurried up in everything she was to do and you felt like you were in the middle of a hurricane that contained dresses, make-up, shoes and hairpins.

The queen patiently waited for you to get ready by the fireplace. She looked tired and broken. She married the former king out of love and you wondered if you will be feeling the same when you would lose Loki. Yet you felt like you already lost him. Someone took him from you and you weren’t enough to take him back. He was fighting for the love of his life and that is kind of love no one can break.

“My queen… have you had breakfast yet?” you asked quietly. “Maybe we could discuss any matter concerning you over breakfast?”

“That sounds lovely, dear” she turned to you smiling kindly. The two of you made your way to the balcony as Wanda fetched your breakfast. The scenery from your balcony was beautiful especially now that it was turning into the cold spring that was characteristic of Jöttenheimer. The queen looked at you as the two of you sat down, her blonde curls cascading down onto her shoulders. Her golden waterfall was in a half up-do clasped with hairpins, her dress looking like a creamy continuation of her hair, flowing like a river on her form.

“My queen, may I ask the reason for your visit?” you ask gently. You’re worried… maybe now that King Odin is dead, they decided to dismiss you and Loki’s lover will take your place? Your heart thumps hard and quick against your ribcage, blood rushing to your head.

“It is custom for the former queen to organize the royal wedding for her son” she smiled back at you calmly. “We have much to decide and you have a lot to do.”

“I see…” you mumbled as Wanda scurried up to you and placed everything on the table between you and the former queen. She curtsied and left just as much in a hurry as before. “And what about the prince’s… lover? Does she not want to become queen?”

“Their relationship is more complicated than that, my dear” Frigga replied with a pained expression on her face. You could feel her guarded as she sipped on her tea.

“Huh…” you huffed annoyed. You shouldn’t think about that anymore. You’re to become queen. Your first task was to choose symbols for your union. The main garden at the front gates would be decorated with your common symbol, the bakers would create cakes and other pastries preparing for the great celebration. Frigga showed you different types of dresses, one for the wedding ceremony, one for the reception and one after… the consummation of your union. Your throat closed up as you thought of that. Would Loki even join you in your chambers that would be both of yours after the wedding? Would he even look at you? Would he want to do anything with you?

It was too much. You excused yourself and hurried out of the palace ripping the useless hairpins out of your hair. Ever since you arrived you felt like a porcelain doll that the maids played with. You couldn’t breathe, all of this was suffocating you and you wanted to be free. Your eyes blurred from the tears that refused to spill out of them and kept gathering. You found yourself in the gardens and you just ran as far as you could. You saw a large blur of deep green, it looked like a wall with an opening in the middle. You needed to hide.

Your steps slowed down when you were inside but you just kept pushing forward. You needed to be alone. Silence. _Silence_. That was the only thing you wanted to surround you. You wiped at your eyes knowing the eyeliner Wanda put on you surely got smudged all over your face. What would mother say? She would be disgusted with you for looking like an ogre. Suddenly you hit a hard wall bouncing off of it but the impact never came as strong arms slithered around your waist pulling you back up. You blinked gasping as you laid your hands on the chest plate right in front of you.

“Princess? What happened? What is wrong?” asked a familiar deep voice and you just circled your arms around his torso burying your face in his chest. Your shoulders shaking violently.

**_Steve’s PoV_**.

The blonde knight couldn’t focus on his tasks all day long. He felt stupid for promising Loki one last time. His heart would definitely break that night and could never be fixed again. He never loved anyone so much before. He thought he did but those couldn’t compare to how much he wanted Loki. He loved the prince and will always do so.

“Are you alright, pal?” slapped his shoulder Bucky. His friend’s hand was heavy on his shoulder even more so with his troubled mind.

“Yeah… just thinking” the blonde replied as he cleaned the practice swords. He was tasked to train the new recruits and even if it wasn’t easy, he liked his job.

“And that is when you make the biggest mistakes like… ever” the brunette pointed out making Steve groan. He didn’t want to admit it but his best friend was right. “It is about the prince, isn’t it?”

“Quiet! No one can hear us, Bucky!” Steve hissed looking around. If anyone would find out… he couldn’t think of the consequences.

“Chill out! No one’s here” Bucky sighed. “Steve, I know you love him and I’ve never seen you happier with anyone else than him but… you knew that this could never be.”

“We both knew…” Steve looked down at the practice sword on his knees. He could see his blue eyes reflecting in the metal, could see the pain and loss. He was already heartbroken.

“The new queen… the princess is nice” Bucky said. “I took her on a ride with Vision and her maid Wanda. She’s a bit stiff but… she must feel like a prized lamb. Her parents practically sold her.”

“She really loves Loki” Steve mumbled. “She’s the nicest thing ever. Kind, caring, her smile is beautiful and she’s empathetic.”

“What is it with you?” Bucky huffed. “Are you falling for her or what? Steve, do you want to die from heartache?”

“Maybe I’m already dead…” he sighed.

It was still early in the morning when he decided to take a stroll in the gardens. He needed to clear his mind and he could do that in the labyrinth. It was always a place he liked to go whenever he needed to be alone. He couldn’t be found easily and if anyone was looking for him, he could exit the maze and hide somewhere else before they found him.

The king’s death shook everyone yet they had to move on. He knew that celebrations would soon follow because Loki would be crowned king tomorrow and he would wed the next week. Frigga prepared many things for the wedding but arranging such an event takes many resources and time. He never imagined himself tying knots with the prince nor did he hope for their love to last for decades but reality plummeted in their lives quite harshly. He sat on the bench in the middle of the maze watching the small pond in the middle. It was a piece of silence. Suddenly quiet steps interrupted his silence, soft, light steps of a woman. Steve didn’t feel like hiding and instead stood to see who the intruder was just to spot a disheveled princess stumbling through the maze. Her hair was let out, her dress ruffled by the way she just stumbled around and her body shaking. He tried to call out to her but she didn’t respond.

He took a step towards her but she was closer than he thought and bumped into him. Steve instinctively grabbed after her, pulling her back into his chest, into safety. He couldn’t hate her, never. She was so sweet, feeling sad for him when he told her his troubles back then, telling him to not give up hope without knowing who he fell in love with.

“Sssshhh…” he whispered as he held her tight. “Your highness… what happened? Who hurt you?”

“I-I… did…” she sobbed. His eyes widened at her response and he quickly pulled away checking her from head to toe for any injury. “N-no… not like… that…” she mumbled looking to the side pointing at her heart. He felt his heart melt at her gesture and break for her at the same time.

“Everything will be alright” Steve pulled her to the bench to sit never letting her small hand go. It felt so… right, her hand in his. It fit perfectly.

“Nothing will ever be alright…” she mumbled. “Steve… what will I do if he decides to marry his consort? Instead of me?”

“That can never happen” he cupped her face, his thumb wiping away a tear. _I can never be his bride…_ he thought. “And if he decides to do that… we’ll run, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, (Name).”

“Anywhere?” she asked grasping his hand in hers on her face sending electricity through him.

“Anywhere” he nodded.

_**To be continued…** _


	6. The Pond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> It's been awhile since I updated but I needed some time to think and rethink. I hope you enjoyed and will follow till the end! =)
> 
> Have a nice day and lots of love from me! <3

Loki was angry. His temper sizzled as he paced in his study. Frigga came to him asking him when the wedding should be held. The last thing he wanted to think about was his wedding to the princess. He just lost his father moreover, in a few days, he will lose the love of his life… all because of the princess. She was the reason everything was slipping through his fingers like sand no matter how desperately he was trying to hold on. The last thing he wanted to do was look at the wrench.

“You should consider sending Sir Rogers on a long mission for the next month” Frigga suggested as she sat in the chair across from him.

“Out of the question” he shook his head dismissingly. He watched the blonde former queen become infuriated. It was a rare sight to behold. He could make out every single change as her face slowly turned from calm to angry. Her eyebrows slowly narrowed, her nose scrunching up a little, wrinkles forming around it and her lips pulling downward.

“I tried to be gentle, I tried to be understanding and I tried to be tolerant but this has been going on for too long now!” she stood up with her hands balled into fists. “Have you any idea what your idiotic behavior will cause if people find out? It is forbidden for relationships like yours! And even if they would be overlooked, Sir Rogers wouldn’t give you an heir either way! You’re a king and even before you became king, your father and I taught you how much responsibility it is to be a royal! Have you not learned anything? How forcefully do I need to hit your head with the reality for you to understand that YOU. HAVE. NO. CHOICE!”

Loki watched the former queen leave his study like a hurricane, servants hurrying after her not even bothering to close the doors. Tears started to well up in his eyes. He wanted to be selfish just once in his life. He gave up his dream of becoming a sorcerer who traveled across the world, he gave up every little thing he was not supposed to do or have as a prince. Once in his life he wanted to be selfish, wanted to be loved… and wanted to love. He needed to think…

_**Your PoV.** _

The former queen dragged you to tea parties with other nobles who will be invited to your wedding, to charity events where you had to get to know spoiled young noblemen who asked you to dance and after one too many pint of mead tried to touch you where it was not proper. You hated it but kept your perfect smile on your face and chatted away with the nobles amicably. Some noted that it was strange how your fiancée was absent from these events. You were quick to tell them how many things he needed to take care of now that his father died. This way you easily dodged the questions and the nobles reminisced in the good old days, the memories of the former king.

It wasn’t easy for you but you thought you had less duties than Loki. You watched him pass by in the gardens many times, his expression lonely and cold. You accepted him having an affair and told him to pursuit his feelings for the mistress he was keeping… then why did he look miserable? On many occasions you tried to approach him by bringing breakfast to his study yourself in hopes he would let you join but was rejected every time. Frigga tried to bring your spirits up but failed.

Looking into the mirror you saw a beautiful bride. The white dress Frigga chose was beautiful and regal. The small tiara holding your veil was secured in the updo the maids magicked on top of your head. Your features were accentuated by the light make-up giving a fresh look to you.

“You’re beautiful, my dear” Frigga smiled proudly at you. You flashed her a tight-lipped smile as you stepped off the dais when the maids finished pampering you.

“A bird in a golden cage” you murmured as you inspected your bouquet of red roses.

“Are you giving up that easily?” she asked sounding angry. Your head snapped to her because even if you felt melancholic most of the time, you were humiliated, frustrated and betrayed. The scorching rage that was sizzling under your gentle façade snapped out from behind your mask.

“He despises the mere presence of mine” you spit angrily. “I never had a choice of becoming a concubine and now everyone in the realm will know how he holds no respect for me. I dread the night to come because it will be the start of me being a ragdoll, a thing he could use and neglect as he pleases.”

“Loki will learn to like you if not love you” Frigga shook her head. You had no idea if she was that dense or if she was trying to stay in denial.

“With all due respect, I will have no tender feelings nor attraction for him by then” you replied storming out of the room. You felt like the diamond necklace was choking you as you strutted down the corridors, maids hurrying after you. You wanted to rip the dress in shreds, smack the bouquet into the wall and throw the stupid shiny tiara in the pond at the gardens. Yet that was impossible. You heard faint calls of your name and title but you paid no mind to the poor ladies behind you. You knew every noble was already waiting in the throne room and everything was prepared. You pushed the doors open to the throne room quickly spotting your groom.

You walked down the aisle un-lady-like pressing the bouquet into the hands of the closest maid before turning to Loki. You heard the gasps and surprised murmurs washing over the room like an ocean wave. His expression was surprised but said nothing.

“Let’s get this over with” you grumbled angrily turning to the priest who was shocked to say the least. You repeated everything you needed to, pulled the damn ring on Loki’s finger and let him brush his thin lips against yours. You thought you wouldn’t feel anything but you were so wrong. The way his lips felt dead on yours told you how much he didn’t want you. How much he would never want you. Tears gathered in your eyes as you opened them but quickly turned away and walked down the stairs to accept the congratulations of the people present. Loki had to stumble after you and smiled awkwardly at the people he never even saw before.

When the guests were ushered into the dining hall you sighed. You were about to follow the maids to help you out of the white dress and into a simpler gown when Loki grabbed your wrist. You turned to him rage clear on your face.

“What?” you spit angrily.

“I’m aware that we haven’t been close before… but-“

“The kingdom got what it wanted, we sealed the deal, what more do you want from me?” you interrupted him yanking your hand out of his. “If you excuse me, _dear husband_.”

You didn’t stop when you heard him call after you. Your heart was so heavy and was thumping so heard against your ribcage, blood rushing in your ears. Your heels were clicking on the marble as you practically ran down the corridors back to your chambers. The doors closed with a loud bang as you panted heavily. You were doomed and you could do nothing.

…

You were wrong. You could do something. Drink. You had no idea how many pitchers of mead you had but you didn’t care. You laughed along with the other tipsy noble ladies without a care in the world. At least you could have some fun instead of wallowing in your melancholy. This felt good, this felt easy. You let out another loud laugh when one of the ladies pointed out that your husband was not present. Your eyes turned to where she was pointing and it was true. Loki wasn’t anywhere in sight making you huff.

“He must be laying out rose petals for your night, my lady” cooed one of them.

“Oh, I remember my first night with my husband” another giggled. “He was so clumsy and nervous! He was massaging my tits for a half an hour when he finally gathered his courage to do anything more!”

“I’m sure Prince Loki is a fine piece of art under those layers of clothing” hummed the third with a smirk. “You shouldn’t keep him waiting, my lady!”

Before you realized you were pushed up and out of the dining hall by them onto the corridor. They kept joking of how awkward it will be but the thought of it just made you want to puke. You dreamt of this night before. Once you dreamt of a passionate night, filled with tender kisses, gentle caresses… but reality hit you when you arrived to Jöttenheimer. Those dreams turned nightmares of him pushing you on all fours and entering you without warning or preparation. Of him just telling you he was disgusted… of him already tangled in the sheets with another.

You stumbled down the corridors because no one would let you in your own chambers if you turned around. You stopped at one of the windows looking out at the night sky filled with stars. Your heart pounded in your chest as you thought. You weren’t a child anymore. You were a woman and a woman who just got married. You would have to lose your virginity one day and that day has arrived. There was no going back, you couldn’t avoid the inevitable even if you would try. You were grateful that mead was still numbing your mind somewhat as you turned back to the corridor to continue your way.

Your steps were unsteady and you almost managed to tumble to the ground but caught yourself on a pillar or a column. You giggled at your own clumsiness as you slowly approached the chambers you would have to share with your _husband_ from now on. The wooden doors were in your line of sight making you sigh again heavily. You could imagine the look of disgust he would have at your sight. Your lips pulled into a smile at the thought. How ironical it was that your mother used to boast about how a marriage is a great thing. It was the worst thing and you will always suffer from it.

You lifted your hand to knock when your ears picked up the soft moan from behind the door. Your eyes widened as your hand opened and your palm pressed against the wooden surface. It was like lightning struck you. You felt cold and dead… shocked. Another moan. Another throb in your chest. A groan… and a tear sliding down your cheek. To your surprise you pushed the doors open and the panting and moaning hit your ears without any barrier. You had no idea of what you were expecting by opening the doors but what you saw made you question everything.

There tangled in the sheets was Loki but his partner was someone you never have expected. Sir Rogers was flush faced under your husband, his bare shoulders and neck uncovered by the sheets, red marks littering his creamy skin. His blonde hair was matted to his forehead as his lips opened in an “o”. As the door banged against the wall, they jumped with a start drawing their attention to you. You watched in slow-motion as their eyes widened and both of them started stumbling out of bed. You murmured an “excuse me” before turning around rapidly and fled the scene. You were beyond shocked and never even looked at where you were heading until you found yourself in the garden. The darkness pulled you in like a blackhole but you had no want in getting out. You felt something cold and wet at your feet as you trudged forward. It raised to your knees then it was around your waist. You shivered at how cold the water was but went forward with a lunatic smile on your face. You waved your hand in the liquid and slowly started sinking. No one would find you here, not until your body was cold and lifeless…

…

The two men after managing to appear decent went to find the queen. They made the servants and maids search for her but they couldn’t find her anywhere within the palace walls. Loki cursed under his breath as he ran out to the gardens, Steve following close behind. They could barely make out anything in the darkness of the night but kept searching.

Loki knew something was wrong ever since the ceremony. He could see how broken she was and he felt guilty. She was kind and even given up her love so he could be happy but he managed to hurt her even more. He was panicking as he scanned the area. He had no idea where she could be. Suddenly Steve cried out panicked and something splashed into water. Loki turned to where Steve was to see him wade into the garden pond. The king didn’t waste another second to find out what was going on but the sight made his heart jump into his throat.

Steve was pulling (Name) out of the water, her body drenched and limp. Loki gulped dread filling his being. Steve told him on many occasions that he was being cruel to her and they fought about his behavior a few times. Never would he have thought that she would commit suicide.

“(Name)” Steve shook the limp queen who looked dead. Loki took step after step towards them as he felt numb. Steve looked up desperately as he tried to save the queen’s life. He was successful it seemed when she gasped and coughed up water. His heart seemed to skip a beat as he fell to his knees. When Steve tried to steady her, she pushed him away and scrambled to her feet hastily almost tripping on her dress.

Her beautiful features were contorted by hatred and anger… disgust as she looked at them. She opened her lips then closed them before opening them again. “Don’t you ever dare touch me again…” She coughed again as she started walking away with a limp in her steps.

“(Name)!” Steve called out with tears in his eyes but as he took a step to follow her, she swirled around, her (e/c) eyes flashing like lightning at him.

“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?!” she yelled with a hoarse voice. “Don’t you dare even just talk to me, traitor!”

The night turned eerily silent around them as she walked back to the palace on her own, her clothes clinging to her drenched in pond water. She kicked off her high heel on her way – the one that wasn’t left in the pond – so she didn’t need to limp as much. Anger oozed out of her every pore; Loki could feel it even from such a distance. His heart pounded in his ears. What will she do? Will she announce her discovery to everyone? Will she blackmail him now? Or will she do something to Steve? No, no, no, no… Steve cannot get hurt for his own stupidity and selfishness.

His blue-green eyes landed upon his lover who knelt in the wet grass, drenched and exhausted, panting heavily and trembling. He was mumbling something… her name.

“This is all my fault…” Steve buried his face in his hands.

“You need to leave the palace” Loki said his face hardened. “I won’t let her hurt you or get you to be the target of everyone in the kingdom. You will go to the summer palace tomorrow morning and will stay as long as I tell you to.”

“We have to face reality, Loki… and take responsibility” Steve shook his head. “If she decides to hurt me, that is all on me. I told you that I would give my life-“

“NO!” Loki yelled at the blonde knight harshly. “Come, get back to the palace. We need to do some planning.”

Even if Loki seemed lean, he could easily match Steve’s strength if needed. He easily pulled the blonde to his feet and marched back to the palace. Whatever is their fate, he won’t let the queen get away with hurting Steve. He will have to do what his best in: negotiate.

_**Your PoV.** _

You scared every maid away from around you and closed the doors to your chambers with a loud bang. You had no patience to deal with anyone right now. Loki broke your heart on more than one occasion but Steve… you never thought Steve would betray you in such a way. He lied to you, fed you on lies that he would whisk you away if Loki cheated on you, that he would protect you and be there for you. You always had feelings for Steve even if they were suppressed by what you felt for Loki.

Tears pooled in your eyes as you limped your way to your balcony. The night sky was so beautiful from here, stars twinkling in the deep blue ocean of the galaxy. If Steve would’ve told you, if any of them would’ve been honest with you… but they tortured you, betrayed you. Yet, you couldn’t shake away the feeling that kept nagging at you since you spotted them tangled in the sheets. A tear slid down your cheek. A strange feeling curling in your navel, your cheeks growing hot. In that one second… you wanted to be between them, loving both of them and that foreign, forbidden feeling scared you.

_**To be continued…** _


	7. A Negotiation | Letter One

For days, you were silent, whenever you had to join everyone at the dining hall, you kept a fake smile on your face and nodded along to whatever was said. You could feel your _husband_ ’s gaze piercing into your skull as you sat there but paid him no mind even just for a second. You wanted him to brew in his fear of you announcing his infidelity and the nature of his relationship. You planned no such thing. For one: if you did, you would be pitied and looked down upon, being everyone’s charity case and you would have to suffer from being ashamed, most people would laugh at your predicament. For two: you could keep Loki in check, keep him always on edge around you, being afraid of your words.

There was a ball tonight held for the celebration of the birth of Skaffaldi, an ancient being the people in Jöttenheimer believed to have held inhuman power and brought light to them. You were wearing a ball gown that showed your authority and made your beauty stand out from the other ladies present at the ball. You chatted away with noble ladies about nothing and anything. You learnt how to use gossip as a way to negotiate in the court. Being the queen was a dangerous position, most ladies in the room would kill for the title. If you were denied the smallest part of being respected by your husband and betrayed by the one you thought was the closest to you, then so be it.

_**Not long after you found out ~** _

_You stood lonely at the balcony, shivering in the cold night wind but refused to be pampered by the maids. You looked out at the scenery. It was calm and beautiful, the capital city’s houses lighted up here and there, light twinkling in the windows. Tears streamed down freely on your cheeks as your heart longed for a life that was nothing like yours. A life where you were loved, respected, treated like a human being. You would happily give the luxurious gowns, the expensive jewelry away for a life like that._

_“You will catch a cold, your highness” a female voice interrupted your thoughts. You twirled around frightened, your eyes wide to see a woman with red hair, wearing a nice gown, not too luxurious but lavish just the same. Her eyes looked at you patently, her lips in a small smile. “Come, I made a bath for you… it is time we talk.”_

_You followed her inside as the wind made you shiver more violently this time. You were trembling by the time she helped you out of your gown throwing it in a corner and helped you into the bathtub._

_“W-who a-are y-you?” you asked with your teeth chattering as you eased into the hot water. Your limbs immediately relaxed but you still felt cold on the inside. The red haired woman grabbed one of the bathing oils in her hand._

_“I have been here for a long time, your highness… witnessing many things in the court, being a part of it… playing a role” she hummed as she massaged your shoulders and back. She grabbed another bottle a shampoo you assumed because she applied it onto your (h/c) hair and started massaging your sculp. Her voice was sultry and flowed slowly like honey. “But it is time I believe, that those who hide in the shadows, show their faces.”_

_“Are you a spy?” you asked not even remotely scared. You knew why she appeared right at this time and you smirked. She thought you were too sad and betrayed to not turn against the ones who betrayed you. She was wrong… not the turning against part. You weren’t scared or shaken. You felt sad and brokenhearted for over months now… tonight was the part where you were reborn from the ashes your dear husband burnt you. Tonight, you were no longer the nice princess who were always perfect, polite and kind._

_“I knew you’re smarter than people give you credit for” she chuckled. “But before you agree… I’ll tell you the plan and then you can decide whether you take part or not.”_

_“What if I play you over? Betray you in the worst moment?” you asked looking ahead._

_“You will be long dead before you could do that, your highness” her voice held a mischievous smirk making you chuckle. You leaned back until you were looking into her eyes, upside down._

_“I’m in”_

_**Now ~** _

A light tap on your shoulder from Wanda and her whispered explanation brought your attention to Sir Barnes. He had a light smile on his features but you could easily tell how strained it was, his blue eyes betraying the calm mask he tried to put on. You excused yourself from the ladies and turned to him fully with a gentle smile.

“Will you do me the honor?” he bowed a little with his hand extended toward you. You took his large hand with yours confidently and let him lead you up to the dance floor. It was a slow song the musicians played letting the pairs get closer to each other. His strong hand on your waist was a tad tight as you were pressed up against his chest. “I’m begging you to spare Sir Rogers. I’ll do anything you ask me to, my queen.”

“Why do you think I plan on doing anything against him?” you asked with an easy chuckle. It seemed gossip ran around the palace like rats yet there must be different levels for the lower casts haven’t learnt the truth yet. “I maybe angry and feel betrayed, played over… but am not cruel.”

“Yet you look like you are” his answer made you huff playfully.

“If you would be in my position… you wouldn’t look so righteous yourself” you quipped. “He was kind to me and was there when I needed him… I will not forget that.”

“What do you want me to do, my queen? To spare him” Bucky was desperate, not used to the games nobles played. You sighed and for a fraction of a second your features showed him your broken heart and pain. Then you pulled back your mask that showed a kind and gentle queen.

“I’ll let you know if there’s anything you can do for me, Sir Barnes” you replied and curtsied to him as the song ended going back to your quarters with Wanda in tow. She suspected that something was wrong ever since your wedding night when you closed even her out of your chambers and only let her in the next afternoon. She tried asking you what happened but you only flashed her a sad smile and changed the subject which she had no other choice but to follow. You asked about her budding relationship with Sir Vision which she answered enthusiastically bringing a few minutes of joy to you.

When you arrived back to your quarters you asked Wanda to leave you alone for the night and wished her a peaceful one. The fireplace was lit, the orange and bright red flames licking at the stones. You noticed a letter lying on the small table in front of the fireplace without an envelope. You frowned at it. Only a handful of people could get through those doors and you didn’t want any of those inside your chambers.

You picked up the letter and smirked at the handwriting. He was still trying to save anything of the bond you once had. Your eyes skimmed over the words written carefully.

_Dear (Name),_

_I know nothing will make it better and I cannot say anything that will lessen your pain. I will always feel guilty and it will always remain with me wherever I go. I wish things would’ve been different… that your husband and I… would’ve parted ways before your arrival. I wanted to put distance between the king and myself… yet love is something one cannot control._

_I hope that you have read my letter till this point and haven’t threw it into the flames. Because there is a confession, I have to make… It might not seem that way but I always held you close to my heart and will keep on doing so no matter what. I’m begging for your forgiveness even if I do not deserve it. I hope that one day you will be able to look at me without resentment._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Steve ~_

Your hand crumpled the piece of paper in anger. He had the nerve to apologize and beg for forgiveness! Instead of running like a- … Wait… he must’ve left the letter for you because he was indeed running away. You huffed in annoyance and threw the letter to feed the flames.

“He made a lot of effort in getting that letter to you” Natasha spoke up from the large bookshelf, her eyes roaming the pages of a book. You grew used to her appearing out of nowhere nowadays. You stared into the flames before fully turning to her.

“Should I care?” you asked coldly.

“It is good that you don’t” she chuckled as she put the book back to its place. “The king will visit Argenveil in two days. The journey is two days long and his visit will be lasting for four days. Which means he will be out of the palace for eight days at tops. That is a good opportunity for us to make our preparations.”

“You want me to go with him? Why?” you asked sitting down in one of the armchairs at the fireplace.

“Distraction” Natasha replied as she sat across from you, crossing her legs.

“Like he would want my company” you rolled your eyes.

“The closer you are to him the better your opportunities are to make him pay for what he’s done to you” she clicked her tongue as she popped a piece of grape in her mouth.

“Sir Barnes was pleading me for Steve’s life” you changed the subject. You knew she could tell that you won’t give up your revenge nor will you fail your mission so she let it go. “Whatever happens, Natasha… he cannot get hurt. If Thor captures him, make sure they don’t torture him.”

“And do you think they will keep their words? In their eyes Steve will be a prisoner they could get information out” the red-haired assassin shook her head. “He will arrive to the borders two days from now. He left not long before you came here.”

Your eyes widened. Barnes must think it was your doing yet you haven’t even been informed of it. You gritted your teeth. You needed more allies in the court, Wanda was an outsider and the maids would never take her as their own. Even if you knew Natasha needed you for now that could easily change and you had no allies on your side. You tipped your finger against your chin as you thought.

“So that is why…” you huffed. “It is better if he thinks that, now I have him as my errand boy.”

“What do you want from him?” she questioned and you noticed the sudden jerk of her thumb on the piece of grape she held between her fingers. Everyone thought you were just a princess, now a queen, and only knew of etiquette and manners. You loved to make them believe those were your only skills.

“My intention is definitely not hurting people who do not deserve it” you replied narrowing your eyes. “But I don’t trust… remember that.”

Natasha stood up looking you over with a smirk on her lips. She walked to the door before turning back to you. “I’m sorry for that. I hope that in the end… you will find your happiness too.”

With that she left you alone. Your eyes flitted to the small piece of paper that managed to get out of the flames with the words written on it: _Sincerely yours, Steve._ You picked it and walked to your make-up desk. You sat on the cushioned chair and looked at yourself in the mirror. Before your wedding, you would’ve seen a young lady who still owned a beautiful, genuine smile, bright as the sun. The one looking back at you was one who got betrayed, played with, hated, who learnt how love can be cruel and life unfair. You twirled the small piece of paper between your fingers before putting it away into a small chest filled with small trinkets you grew fond of. You looked up again to see a new woman in the mirror. She had your features but a cruel and ruthless smirk was pulling at her lips, her (e/c) eyes flashing with evil. Now this woman, this was the one you wanted to be.

_**Loki’s PoV.** _

The king was on edge. Every day, every night, every minute of the day. His blue-green eyes stared lifelessly into the flames in the fireplace. He was aware that the party was going on a few floors below yet he had little volition to join at all. When he went down to the stables to have a secret goodbye with Steve, his former lover ignored him and politely using titles left without glancing back. He gritted his teeth. Life was cruel yet the former queen, Lady Frigga advised him to rekindle his relationship with his wife.

His _wife_ however, was ignoring him at all cost, rarely joining him at meals in the dining hall or at balls. She was always in the other end of the room if he was present and the second, he tried approaching her, she excused herself and retreated to her chambers. The other thing eating at him was the fact that he had no idea if she will reveal his now-nonexistent relationship with Steve. When he waited long enough and was patient, he could see the almost invisible anger and hatred in her eyes. There were times he noticed it, when she thought no one was paying attention, when her mask slipped for a fraction of a second. It was there. Someone completely different from the woman he thought was his wife. And he had to face the truth. _He_ was the one to cause such a drastic change, _he_ caused her heartbreak, _he_ brought pain and suffering onto her.

He pulled out a drawer of his desk, the furniture groaning a little. His slender fingers grabbed at a stack of paper. _Her_ letters. The letters were intricate, carefully written, no ink splotches. His eyes scanned the first one carefully, this one, he could still remember reading and the answer was written but forgotten in another drawer.

_Dear Loki,_

_I hope you’re alright. Mother and father were pleased with my last attempt at using seidr. To answer your concern, they are treating me well these days. There is not a day that I don’t wish I could see you again. I think of you in every waking hour and dream about you at night._

_I’m glad you found a new friend in Sygin. I only have Wanda with me but she is kind and makes me laugh so much. I’m glad there is someone to keep you company until I can join you. Maybe during the summer, we could find an opportunity for a visit. I would be most delighted to see you again, my prince._

_Hopefully waiting for your answer~_

_(Name)_

Loki took out his written reply which had his handwriting yet looked quite different from nowadays. His thin lips pulled into a smile at it. So hasty, hurried, eager letters ordered into words and smudges decorating the paper here and there.

_Dear (Name),_

_I’m glad to hear that the king and queen are treating you well since we last exchanged words. I was quite upset to learn of their behavior from Wanda’s letter. She is indeed a good friend if she takes care of you. If I could be there, I wouldn’t let anyone hurting you. I meant it when I said I’m taking your kingdom’s most valuable treasure with our marriage._

_As for Sygin, she’s the kindest, her smile is bright and always makes me laugh. She’s quite talented with seidr but what she knows now is mostly my doing. She needed lots of help to learn a certain spell._

_I will request a visit to you from my father and will not give up pestering him until I am standing at the gates of your castle!_

_Yours,_

_Loki ~_

Loki brushed his thumb over the letter of the princess with a sigh. He remembered how much he liked her, how eager he was to see her and meet her, to talk to her. Why was his heart so hungry for love? Why did he fall in love with someone else? If he could just wait a little longer, be more patient… he sighed heavily closing his eyes. But his blue-green eyes snapped open as an idea popped into his head and with a smirk, he took to work on it.

_**To be continued…** _


	8. First Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I hope you're enjoying the story! =) Please, tell me what you think and check out my other works as well!
> 
> Love and hugs!  
> Liv

The carriage was rocking back and forth as it made its way to the east border. You and Loki left the capital about five hours earlier. You still couldn’t believe how easily the king agreed to you joining him. You noticed how much he tried rekindling your relationship and Natasha was right. If you wanted to pay him back, you needed to be close to him to strike at the right moment.

The atmosphere was tense as both of you looked out the window on your respective sides instead of engaging in a conversation. You knew your husband was likely content with the silence and you tried to keep the calm and peace – which was quite fragile – as long as you could. To your surprise Loki cleared his throat to draw your attention.

“You surprised me when you requested for me to let you join me” he said.

“Sir Barnes is quite upset and worried for Sir Rogers” you ignored his choice of topic getting right to business. “How many people know of… your relationship?”

“I believe other than the former queen, it is only Sir Barnes” Loki replied, his handsome features hardening. “They are quite close.”

“I hope it is true this time…” you rolled your eyes. You paused letting silence sit between you before continuing. “He was sure it was me who sent Steve to the borders.”

“He should know that could only be me” Loki frowned.

“Because I have no power in these matters?” you huffed and turned back to the window indicating that the conversation was over. You felt his blue-green eyes burning into your skull but you refused to acknowledge your husband. Not that he was waiting for your approval before speaking up.

“It might be late but I want to apologize… for hurting you” his deep voice washed over you like a tidal wave. Your lips pulled into a fake smile as you turned to him.

“Are you waiting for my forgiveness? Why exactly?” you asked feigning confusion before you sneered. “You’re the king, you do as you please whatever the case might be. I never had nor will have any say in it even if it affects me too. I’m just a bargaining chip my parents used to their advantage and now you’re the one ruling over me.”

“One cannot choose who they love” his reply was broken and for a fraction of a second your heart thumped in your chest. Then you remembered your wedding night and how all of them played with you like you were a chess piece.

“Indeed” you spit. You watched the scenery pass by as the carriage rocked back and forth. The sound of the horse hooves hitting the pavement could be heard on the inside of the carriage. You felt trapped in a life you hated. You wanted a moment of peace after how your parents treated you. You wished to have a little bit of happiness in your life but it seemed like fate was cruel and for other’s happiness it took yours in exchange. A tear slid down your cheek as you clenched your hand in a fist.

You regretted falling for the man you had to call husband. You married a stranger and you were foolish for hoping to see an idealized prince that never existed outside of your mind. The rest of the ride was spent in silence and you tried not to kick open the door of the carriage and run away. It was so tempting to just escape into the woods and never look back.

_**Later ~** _

The inn you and Loki were forced to stop for the night was remote and hidden. In case anyone would try to attack the king, the guards made a plan to use the smaller roads that were not completely abandoned yet quiet. You knew there were a lot of people who would want Loki’s death especially because when he was just a prince, he was managing the treasury and judicature. He locked many people in the dungeons, sent them into exile or sentenced them to death for their crimes.

During the time you let him and Steve be and you started planning your revenge, you gathered information about him. The time you could spend without anyone watching you, hidden from the imperial guards was limited, but it was enough for you to learn about his life before you arrived to Jöttenheimer. You found Sygin in the capital city’s lower parts and was satisfied to see her on a rich but stupid man’s arm giggling stupidly. At least those who weren’t supposed to be around the royal palace stayed away knowing their place. On your way back to the palace, you had to cross the training fields where new recruits were trained. You remembered the way Steve looked at you when he noticed you passing by with Wanda in your heels. You didn’t understand why he looked heartbroken and sad but you knew why your heart throbbed in your chest at the sight of his blonde hair shining like a halo around his head, his blue eyes holding a longing in them as he looked at you. You tried so hard to hate him, to curse him in tow with your husband… yet you felt mostly disappointment and betrayal was squeezing your heart with its claws.

You were supposed to sleep in the same room now with Loki but when they presented you with a double bed you wanted to tear the sheets to shreds in anger. It felt like fate wanted you to end up in bed with him even when you could clearly tell he didn’t want you to. You changed into your nightgown in the bathroom and slipped in the bed quietly turning on your side, facing away from Loki. You didn’t even give him a glance as you did.

“Were you disgusted?” his deep voice interrupted the silence.

“About what?” you asked back confused.

“When you saw the two of us” Loki declared. Your mind instantly brought back the memory of your wedding night, Steve’s flushed face, parted lips, his pleasure filled expression, the moans, groans… Your heart squeezed in your chest as your hand balled into a fist at your side.

“By the fact that you lied to me… deceived me, that Steve fed me on lies and acted like a close friend when he was sleeping with my husband” you replied honestly. “In my home… we do not make any difference between love. Love is love, no matter who your partner is. I know that in Jöttenheimer it is different but I cannot forget where I came from.”

“Were you jealous?” he asked again this time his voice sounded… curious… unsure, like he was doubting it. You chuckled darkly at that.

“I confessed my feelings in many of my letters during our adolescent years…” you said. “Not that it mattered to you.”

“I liked you once, (Name)… but we were too far from each other” Loki replied like you hurt him with your words. “Distance makes it harder to keep liking someone when they’re not there and someone else is there, talks to you, makes you laugh, makes you forget about your worries.”

“It is not hard when you only have that one person who showed you kindness, made you smile, made you feel like a human being again” you replied coldly. “But how would you understand that when you had so many people loving you and cherishing you?!”

“Have they hit you?” his next question made your body feel cold, your fingertips turning into icicles before it spread throughout your body. You tried to take a breath, move your fingers just do something but it was like your limbs were made out of stone. Your silence declared his suspicions. “(Name)… believe me when I say that I will always feel guilty for letting them hurt you. I know it is not much and the harm was already done… but I will be here for you from now on… I should’ve been before. I’m sorry.”

“Are you saying that to ensure that you will get an heir?” you asked icily, your tone cutting. “It will be difficult when you can’t even stand my presence, _my king_.”

You closed your eyes and kept silent but sleep came to you only a few hours later.

________________________________________________________

The next day went almost the same until you arrived to Argenveil. The city was almost as big as the capital but looked quite different. Since it was at the border it adapted many traits from each nationality that lived there. While the capital had four main streets leading to the palace that was in the middle, protected by walls, here they only had streets that were the same size.

The governor was waiting for both sides of the trading to arrive and will house the visitors. You were escorted to the salon where he greeted you and Loki. The man was tall and lean, his nose curling like the beak of an eagle, his face long. His thin lips pulled into a small smile which seemed to hold no malice. He bowed to Loki before he still bowing lifted your hand to his lips, breathing a small kiss on it.

“Your majesty, your highness” he spoke up as he straightened up. His icy blue eyes twinkling with mirth. “I’m Clirnë Egson, governor of Argenveil. Please, let me introduce you to the castle.”

“When my father was ruling, he chose you as governor, Sir Egson” Loki started as you followed the tall man. “He must’ve chosen you for your knowledge and experience. I hope we can continue to work together as well.”

“Of course, your majesty” chuckled Clirnë with his deep basso. “I’m looking forward to working with you as well. I wish to serve the kingdom with everything I have.”

“When will King Nârm arrive?” Loki asked as he looked around, inspecting the decoration of the halls of the castle. You acted like you weren’t interested in the topic but listened carefully. Natasha not only asked you to accompany Loki to distract him but to gather plus information she could use. She told you that King Nârm couldn’t be trusted. The Genneracian king was dangerous and already tried to take over the neighboring kingdoms. She told you that he was eager to raid over the Northern Realm which was ruled by Thor. They called him Herre I Nord. _Lord of the North._ Fitting.

“I believe he won’t be too late” Clirnë replied with an unwavering smile. He showed you your quarters, the dining room, the ball room, a few salons, the library and the garden. Servants hurried after you, placing tea and snacks on the table in the gazebo with plates, cups and cutlery. Loki pulled out your chair and you thanked him with a fake smile that would’ve looked completely real for anyone else. “Would you like some tea, your highnesses?”

Clirnë asked it with a wide smile on his lips, already pouring some tea in your cup then into Loki’s. You nodded with a quiet “thank you” and lifted the cup to your lips. It tasted sweet as you sipped from it carefully and you noticed how Loki didn’t touch his, eying you. You put the cup back down, turning to him with a smile.

“Everything alright, my love?” you asked gently.

“I was just mesmerized by your beauty, darling” his smile could’ve fooled anyone as he lifted your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. You giggled in reply, playing along. If you could’ve blushed, you would’ve done that to make it more believable.

“Oh, young love” Clirnë chuckled. “Your majesties remind me of myself and my wife back when we just got married. Wonderful days, wonderful!”

“Where were we?” Loki turned back to him then. “Ah, we were talking about the trade. So, who would you recommend to watch over the supply exchanges? Do you have a person in mind, Lord Egson?”

“Yes, I believe there is a man who could be perfect for the position, however, if your majesty has someone already in mind, then that is better” Clirnë replied.

“I will be glad to work with whomever you see fit for the position” Loki smiled at the governor. “I trust your judgement, Sir Egson.”

You learnt about the trade, what should be exchanged between the two kingdoms, how frequently the goods will be exchanged and most importantly, all the names of the people involved. Natasha told you that King Nârm has several spies in Jöttenheimer and she wanted to get rid of them. She explained to you that working with King Nârm was too dangerous – because you asked her why the saying that “my enemy’s enemy is my friend” apply here – and he possibly would stab Thor in the back. When the topic was about to turn back to everyday nonsense, you asked Sir Egson to excuse you and left. If you stayed for much longer, both of them would suspect something.

However, you knew that Loki was the only one who could keep you safe amongst the wolves you were about to dine with. Sir Barnes, Sir Vision and six other knights paying close attention to you and your husband but you could never know who and how many would attack. A maid was sent to you to help you prepare for the dinner. She helped you out of your simple gown you usually wore for everyday activity and after some pampering, helped you into a gown that was more fitted for the event.

It was deep green with golden accents and a low neckline. You picked out a golden necklace that fitted with the gown and some earrings before puffing some perfume on. The young girl who helped you was around twelve or thirteen years old… too young to work as a maid. You watched her carefully through the mirror, her greyish brown hair was pulled up into a bun but a few strands managed to escape, her small face slender and tired, her lips chapped and her light green eyes shining with fatigue. When your eyes met, you smiled at her gently.

“Have you been here long?” you asked nonchalantly. She nodded quietly completely taken aback by the fact that you addressed her at all. You turned in your chair and motioned for her to sit as well on the padded bench to the side. “What is Lord Egson like? Is he a good person?”

“T-the best, my lady!” she blurted out trembling from fear. You sighed. This way, you won’t get information out of her easily. She was clearly terrified to say anything other than the best of the man. Her fearful expression was talking in itself but you needed more to know about the governor.

“I know you’re afraid to say anything but the best about him… however, you are the only one who can help me know if he’s dangerous” you smiled sadly at her. “Darling, no matter status or ancestors… I’m still a woman. Men even after marriage won’t hesitate to put you in your place in case you speak out of turn, if you know what I mean.” You huffed irritated. “Especially if you married the king.”

“W-what would you like to know?” she asked quietly like anyone would burst through the door and beat her if she spoke any louder.

“Does he like to torture people? Does he rape any of the maids? Does he really have a wife or is it just a lie? Anything can be useful, darling” you walked over to the bench sitting down and taking her hand gently in yours. You lifted her chin so you could look into her eyes. “You can trust me, we’re both women. We have to look out for each other.”

“He’s a corrupt man, anyone who pays him enough money can enter the kingdom no matter what they’re carrying. He helps slave-traders and human traffickers… if I heard right… the new trading of materials is just a camouflage for King Nârm to get Genneracian soldiers in Jöttenheimer.” she whispered as she was clutching onto her dress.

“Did he buy you from a slave-trader?” you asked next patting her head.

“Y-yes, my lady” she nodded with tears in her eyes.

“How many of you’re here?” you asked next wiping at her tears with your handkerchief.

“Five of us… the others are proper maids and servants who get paid” she replied sniffling.

“You’re so strong, sweetie… may I ask for your name?” you continued.

“Darlá” she replied quietly. You nodded with a sad smile.

“Darlá, thank you for telling me all these important information. You’re already a good servant of our kingdom even if you’re not from here. Don’t speak to anyone about this conversation. I will find a solution and the lord will get what he deserves.” you squeezed her hand gently. “Hold on tight until I solve the problem, alright?”

She nodded before you ushered her to her duties. You sat back down in front of the mirror and contemplated your next move. Natasha told you that if you could make Loki trust you, it would be easier to know about his plans regarding the Northern Realm. This could be your first step in making him trust you. But in the middle of the claws of the enemy how were you supposed to have your husband just for yourself?

A different servant knocked on your door this time, his attire much cleaner and he looked healthy. He greeted you with a deep bow before motioning for you to follow him to the great dining hall. You kept quiet on the way, memorizing the corridors in case you wished to retire and that was definitely what you should do tonight. The servant stopped in front of the large doors which you already entered during your tour but haven’t spent much time inside. You were led to the main table where Loki was already seated. He didn’t hesitate to stand up and pull your chair out for you. It was an unspoken rule between the two of you, that you would act like a loving couple. Your sweet smiles and gentle caresses came naturally while you accepted every compliment, he was gushing your way. You quietly conversed with Queen Astraad while paying close attention to what the kings and the lord was talking about.

The conversation you were engaged in gave you enough time to contemplate your next move.

_**To be continued…** _


	9. Gain More

The people were drunk enough to start singing and laugh at stupid jokes by the time you had the chance to grab Loki’s attention. You gently touched his arm drawing his attention and whispered in his ear keeping your fake but believable smile on.

“We need to talk” you said gazing intently into his blue-green eyes. He nodded with a mischievous smirk playing on his thin lips before turning to the lord and King Nârm.

“Gentlemen, I think it is time for me and my wife to retire for the night” he chuckled as you clung to his arm acting like you were drunk with a delirious smile on your lips. The men chuckled and agreed to it. Once you were on the corridor alone with your husband, you let him go and sighed irritated.

“I always hated these events” you grumbled as you walked side by side with Loki.

“You gathered information I assume” he noted.

“For my sake… I wouldn’t want to end up dead just because I’m your wife” you rolled your eyes. “I bet you know that Lord Egson is not gonna trade with what he told you.”

“I know it’s just a façade to bring soldiers into our kingdom” he nodded as he closed the door behind himself. He lifted a hand and murmured a few words in a foreign language before a wave of green mist erupted from his palm. “Now we can talk without anyone eavesdropping.”

“Egson helps human traffickers and slave-traders… he has five slaves and treats them badly” you said sitting down on the armchair by the fireplace.

“He has almost all of the city under his control, darling” Loki huffed as he joined you. “But I have someone working for me who can change things. I will take care of this.”

“Loki” you turned to him sharply. “I’m not trying to take part in this to show my value or achieve your approval. I’m trying to stay up to date with matters because I want to live. I’m not gonna be a figure on someone’s chess table again. Look where that got me.”

“You’re perfectly safe as long as you obey me” he stood up walking up to the window. “In Alfhendrër a queen may be equal to a king but in Jöttenheimer things are different. I’m not telling you things because the palace is filled with traitors and spies. Father was blinded by his belief in “old friends” who were trying to steal from the people. You might be in even more danger if I tell you whatever you want to know.”

His back was tense as he kept his eyes on the scenery. Once you dreamt of a scenario similar to this. You would walk up to him, gently touch his back, massage his shoulder, press up against him from behind, whisper into his ear soothing words. You looked down at your trembling hands in your lap. That was an illusion your mind conjured to feed you on lies and make you believe that your husband would be a different man.

The conversation wasn’t going in the way you wanted and you felt ten thousand miles farther from your husband then in the morning. Maybe if you would give him something, he wants… but that is something you can only solve in the right time. Right now, you needed another approach.

“Loki… I never meant to be equal, hell, I enjoy watching you suffocate under the paper work” you chuckled. “I meant that if you could trust me, work with me and not against me, you could gain more. You have to be on council meetings but I am free to roam the streets, I am free to do whatever I want. No one can stop me from walking around the palace.”

“You mean you want to be my spy?” the raven-haired king turned back to you with an intrigued smirk one of his eyebrows lifted. “And how would you pull that off with being the queen?”

“You forget that I have maids waiting on me. What do you think Wanda is doing while we’re away? She already befriended other servants… and they tend to gossip around a lot” you smiled mischievously.

“What is the price of your help?” his question was bitter. How hard was it for him to trust you? He had no reason to think that you would betray him, not as much as you already did. You rolled your eyes.

“As I said… survival” you stood up and walked to the bathroom. Tonight, no maids were helping you so you turned around and walked back to Loki. His eyebrows lifted in curiosity and you couldn’t help but blush slightly. “Could you help me with the… zipper?”

His low chuckle and a curt nod were his reply as he motioned for you to turn around. You felt his cold, slender fingers brush the skin of your neck as he took the zipper in them. You felt the fabric of your dress slowly loosen on your back, his fingers on your hips digging a little into your hipbone. You swallowed dryly and cursed your fluttering heart for feeling excited by such a small thing. Your husband was the last man in the kingdom who deserved to touch you in any way.

You held the dress to your chest as you said ‘thank you’ and hurried into the bathroom. You thought the warm water of the bath would help sooth your mind but you were wrong. Natasha wasn’t against getting some spies out of her way so maybe she would help you out. You knew that you couldn’t rat out spies from the Northern Tribes but it would be suspicious if you wouldn’t. And about the other thing… you knew it wouldn’t be easy given that you had no real power or say in matters but you had to try. It would might change things. Might.

**_Steve’s PoV._ **

The winter at the northern borders was harsh and early. It was almost over in the capital but up here it seemed like this season existed only. The blonde knight sighed as he tossed another log into the fire, rubbing his hands together. Bucky was sending him letters sometimes twice a week. It warmed his heart how worried his best friend was for him. Bucky told him how he begged to the queen for forgiveness so Steve could get back to the capital. The brunette did everything to ensure he wouldn’t be punished more and it saddened him. He should’ve been more considerate, more cool-headed… but he was foolish and he was willing to pay the price.

Steve only wished that the queen read his letter and would one day be able to look at him without disgust. His heart clenched in pain as he thought back to that night. He realized long ago that he was falling for the queen but it only hit him in the head when he saw her lifeless form in the pond. When he held her in his arms and tried to wake her up. And when she woke up… the consequences of his former actions dawned on him when her eyes hardened, sent a cold chill down his spine. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness, undo everything that happened. He took both of their happiness with one bad decision.

He sat back into his chair behind his desk in his office and answered to Bucky’s letter. He was halfway through it when Sir Rannulf knocked on his door opening it without waiting for an answer. The man was frowning, his copper red hair wet with the melting snowflakes at the top, some of it was decorating the ends of his mustache too.

“Captain, we have a problem” he said. Steve was on his feet and out of the office the second he heard the worried tone in the other’s voice. He followed him down the corridors until they were out of the building. Sir Rannulf led him to a carriage that came from the northern fur vendors. The man lifted the furs revealing weapons. A lot of it.

“These are not weaponing our soldiers use” the blonde frowned before turning to the vendor who was held down by Lord Crágböen and Lord Broëre. He walked up to them and crouched down to the vendor who was kneeling in front of him. The man was trembling with fear. “Sir, do you know what kind of punishment will you get for this?”

The trembling vendor shook his head making Steve sigh. Did this man speak their language at all? Could he understand anything of what he said?

“Do you understand what I say?” he asked.

“Y-yes! I-I understand you” the vendor nodded vigorously.

“Great” the blonde replied. “Who made you hide these? Did they pay you for it? Or threatened you?”

“Herre Latralf told me to take the carriage to Jöttenheimer” the vendor replied. Steve nodded, already knowing the name. That man from the northern tribes tended to do shady business and the former Captain, who’s place Steve took over when he was sent here, told him to look out for that name. “H-he told me to get it inside and leave the carriage at Trorlorn.”

“Alright” Steve straightened up then motioned for Rannulf to come over. His blue eyes were trained on the man before he spoke. “Rannulf, could you get someone the same height and body type as this gentleman? Have them change clothes. I have a plan.”

Rannulf nodded before turning around quickly and went into the barracks. The vendor was quite small and scrawny reminding him of his adolescent years when he looked even worse. He befriended Bucky around that time whose father took him in and made him train under his wing. Bucky’s family was of noble blood, his great-great-great grandfather was the second cousin of the king. But that was a long time ago and he had other things to think about right now.

**_Your PoV._ **

You stood alongside Loki and tried to not show your disinterest in whatever Queen Astraad was talking about. On her other side was King Nârm who laughed and joked around with the Lord Egson and Loki. You were all there together to make the deal official. The man who Egson trusted with the dealing bowed deeply in front of all of you before he opened the first carriage. It held expensive fabrics in every possible color.

You eagerly waited for Loki do to something, for someone to unveil the truth. You were on edge, anticipating the next move of everyone, to all hell go loose. You watched King Nârm, if there was a bead of sweat rolling down his temple, if his lips pulled into a snarl. Your eyes flitted to Lord Egson, looking for a sign but nothing happened. You were led to your carriage by Loki and the carriage door closed when you were both seated. It rocked back and forth for a long time before you spoke up.

“What are you doing?” you hissed.

“Trust me, darling, I’ll tell you when to look out the window” Loki replied leaning back. You quirked an eyebrow in curiosity but stayed silent. Suddenly, you heard everything exploding. It was loud and you felt like your eardrums were about to blow. You quickly scrambled to the window and your eyes widened at the sight.

You saw that the mansion, the carriages with King Nârm and Queen Astraad. Burnt, blooded bodies littered the ground everywhere. You sharply turned back to Loki with narrowed eyes.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! What if they survived?! Who will make sure they don’t stay alive?!” you exclaimed angrily at his recklessness.

“Don’t forget that I am still king!” he snarled. “Don’t you think I have the resources?”

You sat back in shock. You knew that taking a step so reckless like this, it might result in a war against Gennerac. You sneaked into Loki’s study before to get some information and you saw the statistics. Loki sent Steve to the North to recruit new soldiers meanwhile everywhere else he had other personnel recruiting new people into the army. A war could break out in less than a half hour. You wouldn’t even get back to the capital before it would break out. You had not enough guards with you in case an army would find you.

“I’m starting to doubt your competency” you hissed back at him.

“You can do that, darling, but when the kingdom falls, you fall with it” he smirked at you evilly. Your hands balled into fists angrily as you looked out the window not being able to stare at him any longer. Siding with Thor seemed reasonable with every passing day.

**_Back at the capital ~_ **

When you finally arrived after two days of needing to stay with him in that freaking carriage, you jumped out of it the second it stopped at the stables and didn’t stop until you reached your chambers. During the ride, Loki kept being the cocky asshole he is. Your conversations ending up in arguments and bickering.

Wanda greeted you with a wide smile on her lips when you pushed the doors open and closed them with a loud thud anger written all over your face. She quickly made her way to you and grabbed your hands trying to ground you. Her eyes showed how worried she was for you as she opened her mouth to speak up.

“Your majesty… are you alright?” her voice was gentle as she held onto you.

“I’m only infuriated with my husband” you gritted your teeth. “He’s reckless and plays around like a child with his power! He arranged things so the Gennerician king and queen would die in an explosion!”

“He must’ve had his reasons, your highness” Wanda tried reasoning with you as she led you to the closet. She eased your gown down your shoulders and it fell into a heap on the floor. You looked down at it with furrowed eyebrows.

“Wanda… you were never trained in politics and neither should’ve I but my teacher, Sir Lotarr taught me many things. Prepared me to rule in case my father would leave the earth before I was wed.” your eyes flashed as you let her wash your hair in the bathtub. You sat in the warm water now, letting it soothe your tense muscles. “I _know_ that actions like these… will cost you much.”

“Rumors say that King Loki was always smart and counting as a prince. I don’t think that changed just because he became king… you should wait out what happens next” your friend sighed. “If you truly hate him and want some kind of revenge… first you have to get close to him to be able to stab him in the back when he’s the most vulnerable.”

“You speak like you hate him” you mumbled furrowing your eyebrows.

“I do for what he has done to you” she hissed angrily while her fingers stayed gentle on your scalp. “You could always count on me, your highness… I would kill for you. I swore loyalty to you on the night you brought the killer of my brother to justice.”

“When it is just the two of us, I told you to call me by my given name” you smiled warmly up at her. “What have you gathered from the other servants?”

“About Lord Delmus? He works for the Mudrähven king. He’s one of the king’s ministers, a eunuch… he’s personal servant told me that he likes to keep young boys around himself. Even tried to molest him once.” Wanda smirked as she took a towel from the racks as you climbed out of the bathtub and dried you.

“Excellent” you grinned wickedly.

**_To be continued…_ **


	10. Be The Judge  |  Letter Two

Peter knew that Captain Rogers won’t be happy with the news. To his advantage, Peter fulfilled his task and completed his mission but the information he got wasn’t anything the Captain would like. His brown eyes landed on the gate of the northern guards’ facility that was built to house the guards and to be another wall behind the border’s walls at the same time. He lived his life here ever since his uncle, Ben, was killed by marauders who refused to pay tariffs. It left him to protect aunt May. The brunette boy was glad that he could at least visit her on his days off from duty.

It was a week ago when he was sent away disguised as the vendor. He left the carriage with the weapons in the exact place he was supposed to do. He hid in a bush nearby and waited for hours upon hours when four men appeared. One was an imperial guard; one was dressed in the clothes of an official and the other two were Genneracian warriors. He tried to remember as much detail as possible and when the coast was clear, he fled the scene.

Peter was ushered inside when he knocked on the door. When he was safely inside, Sir Rannulf gave him his water flask and told him to drink some water. He liked the red-haired knight. The man was kind to him and trained him back when he joined. Rannulf was a good friend of Ben and took on his uncle’s duties however, never wanted to be the replacement of the man.

“Are you alright? Have they noticed you? What happened?” the knight asked curious and worried at the same time.

“I need to speak to the Captain” Peter shook his head after he gulped down as much water as he could. Rannulf nodded in agreement and led him to Captain Rogers’ office. Peter admired the man with the blonde hair and strong built. He looked like a knight everyone associates the word with. Rannulf knocked on the door of the office and opened it ushering Peter inside before himself. Peter heard the soft thud of the door closing but his eyes were glued to Steve who sat behind his desk finishing a letter before looking up at the intruders with his blue eyes.

“Peter!” he jumped up from his seat and walked over to the boy. “Everything went well? Have they seen you?”

“No” Peter shook his head vigorously before continuing. “But what I want to say cannot wait. Captain, the weapons were sent to an official, an imperial guard and two Gennerician warriors. I can give you details of how they looked like if that could help.”

Steve nodded and sat back down motioning for Peter to take a seat in the chair opposite from him. Peter detailed everything he could remember as Steve sketched on a blank paper. It took hours or at least it felt like it and Peter was drained by the end. However, the result was shocking. Steve showed him four people’s portraits he has seen.

“They’re the ones” Peter nodded. “Can I ask a question?”

“You just did” the blonde man smiled at him warmly chuckling at his pouting lips. “Go on, kid.”

“What is going on? I mean with these people and the weapons?” he asked curious. Steve sighed heavily pinching the bridge of his nose.

“That is a question I cannot answer yet but would like to know the truth too” Steve said. “We need to gather more information on this case. Nothing can slip our attention; a war is brewing under our feet and Jöttenheimer is not prepared for it.”

_**Your PoV.** _

A week passed since your arrival back at the capital and you felt restless ever since. Wanda was excellent in gathering intel from the other servants yet you needed a way to have evidence against Lord Delmus. He was your first target on the list of Natasha’s and you were ready to take him down. If you were lucky enough, exposing him to Loki would bring you closer to your husband and closer to your goal.

Your first step was to convince Lord Delmus’ personal servant to trust you, that as a good and just queen, you would protect him from the lord’s claws. That is how you found yourself in the gardens. The servant, Ned, sat across from you at the small white metal table in the hidden parts of the gardens. Lady Frigga sat with you sipping on her tea.

“Ned, I know you must be frightened” you smiled warmly at the boy who seemed to be trembling in the sheer presence of the royals. “But you have nothing to fear. I’m asking you about this matter, because in some way it is personal.”

“I’m afraid I cannot follow, your majesty” he mumbled blushing as he averted his gaze.

“You must know that I’m not from this kingdom, that I was born in Alfhendrër. My father’s palace was never void of injustice and machinations. My personal handmaid, Wanda had a twin brother. The two of them were always my only friends back when we were children.” you sighed remembering to those times. “Her twin brother, Pietro was murdered by a minister who took a liking to him even though he was male, because Pietro rejected him. The fool tried to hide, tried to make it look like an accident but eventually… I brought him to justice.”

“T-those a-are j-just r-r-rumors, my queen!” Ned started shaking and you grabbed his hand in yours. As you did, his shirt sleeve slid up on his arm revealing bruises on his wrists making him shriek in panic.

“I can assign you to another lord who won’t hurt you in a way that is… sinful” you let go of him patting his hand. “He will get what he deserves, Ned. If you tell me anything, he’s done to you, and repeat it to the king, we can help you and anyone else that suffers from his actions. Don’t you want to make it stop?”

“H-he will find out… he will punish me…” he cried and whimpered making you feel sorry for the kid. You were truly furious when someone used young children, because Ned was not yet of age to participate in anything of what that lord force him into. Frigga intervened then trying to soothe him.

“The queen is right, Ned… if no one speaks up, no one does anything, we cannot help” the former queen’s voice was soothing as she took his hand in hers. “We need _your_ help.”

“T-The Lord Delmus touched me… in places… inappropriate… H-he…” Ned was sobbing by now, tears streaming down his face as he trembled in fear. “H-he drugged me and… and…”

“That is enough, you don’t need to revoke those memories…” you sighed as you pulled him into a hug. He clung to you like a child to its mother. It woke up emotions inside of you… emotions you long deemed dead and a tear slid down your cheek as you petted his hair gently. “I’m sorry, darling… so sorry.”

When Ned calmed down and was brought to the servants’ quarters you leaned back in your chair and clenched your hand in a fist. You felt Frigga’s gaze on you before you turned to her.

“I shouldn’t have-“

“You’ve done the right thing, darling” she smiled at you sadly. “But if you’re using his testimony to your advantage, use it wisely and without hurting him. Never forget who gets hurt in these machinations.”

“Loki told me about the spies in the court… they filled the palace” you furrowed your eyebrows. “I’m not gonna sit around and wait for them to slaughter me like a prized lamb.”

“Just be careful when you play the role of the judge… there are situations my son won’t be able to pull you out of” Frigga stood up and with a nod she bid you goodbye leaving you alone. If she knew of your choice, if she was aware of your betrayal, what reason did she have to keep it from her son? You narrowed your eyes as you watched her leaving. Wanda walked up to you from her place a distance away.

“Will he be okay?” she asked worried. You nodded as you stood and followed her back inside.

“He is but a child… I’m not cruel, I’m only protecting myself” you replied to her but wondered if it was really a response to Wanda or if you were trying to convince yourself of your actions.

When you arrived back to your chambers, you found a letter on your dresser. Wanda said she haven’t noticed it when you asked about it. Was Steve trying to contact you again? No… you gave him no response for his first letter. As you opened it, your eyes skimmed over the intricate handwriting and knew who was the sender. You sent Wanda for something so you could be alone while reading and sat down at the fireplace.

_Dear (Name),_

_It might be late but I still wanted to give you a response. I miss you too, very much so. I have little amount of people I can call friends, even less people who I can say that are honest with me. As Father is falling more and more ill, I have a lot to take on from him. I befriended one of Father’s knights, Sir Rogers… he’s nice and polite and funny. No one dares to crack a joke around me only fools who find humiliating women funny. Unfortunately, that is most of the male population on the earth._

_How have you been lately? I wish we could meet soon._

_Yours,_

_Loki ~_

There was a date scribbled on the edge of the paper which indicated that this letter was written back when you were adolescents. What was his purpose with this? Giving you the responses after all these years. You put it into a drawer and sighed heavily. Was Loki trying to warm up to you? Rekindle your relationship? Which he cut off way back then. You decided to ignore it for now. You had other matters at hand to take care of. Like Lord Delmus.

_**A few days later ~** _

You sat in the carriage with Wanda, both of you wearing suitable attire for the ball, Lord Delmus threw. Ned agreed to help you catch him in the act. You asked for Sir Barnes and Sir Wilson to be placed as your personal guards which Loki granted you. To your surprise, he was easy to convince about your suspicions. You knew that your husband wanted to see if you were useful to him.

“Are you nervous, your highness?” Wanda asked quietly.

“No… maybe a little riled up by my husband’s mistrust in my competency to solve this case” you flattered your eyelashes as you looked up from your lap. “But of course, he never saw me in court before our marriage.”

“This is not about Loki… maybe you’re doing it to get closer to him and gain his trust, but I can see the more significant reason in your eyes, my queen” she replied. “You’re still the princess of mine, who never let the weak down and fought for justice.”

“I question myself about that” you huffed. “What kind of righteous person betrays their husband or wife?”

“Have you forgotten about how that _husband_ treated you, my queen?” she asked with venom on her tongue making you shake your head.

“But as queen I have to think about my people, Wanda. My duty is to the crown and its people” you said with furrowed eyebrows. “I’m touched that you feel for my situation and hold me close as a friend… but I’m not entirely sure if betrayal was the right decision.”

“Lady Natasha won’t do anything to you while you have Sir Barnes in your hands” Wanda whispered. “She holds him close to her heart.”

“She’s conflicted between her loyalty to her realm and her feelings for Barnes… have I ever told you how clever you are, Wanda?” you smirked wickedly making her chuckle along. It wasn’t long before you arrived and Barnes opened the door of the carriage extending his hand for you to take. You took his gloved hand and stepped out inhaling deeply. You debriefed Bucky and Sam about tonight’s mission and they both agreed that Lord Delmus was a scum even if you could see the hesitation in Bucky’s blue eyes.

“I know you trust me little to nothing, Sir Barnes, but right now, Steve is safer than in the capital” you said quietly. “He will however, come back if you really wish that.”

His blue eyes widened at your words; sadness filling them over the surprise. You had to admit that Natasha was right to take a liking to the knight.

“My queen… after tonight, may I request an audience with you?” he asked worry etched on his handsome face. You nodded and turned back forward, leading the small group of people. Wanda on your right side a little behind you, while the knights on each side of you. Other imperial guards accompanied you on your visit as your personal guards after all, you were the queen.

The mansion was vast and mostly, luxurious. How fitting for someone who forces himself on young children. When you reached the ballroom, the servants loudly announced your arrival on seeing you and everyone in the room curtsied or bowed. You nodded to everyone and told them to continue with the celebration. Soon, Lord Delmus appeared with a large grin on his face and bowed to you deeply before offering you his arm. You accepted it and let him lead you to the main table. Your seat was next to his in the middle of the table and as he rambled on about something insignificant, you glanced at Wanda and another guard to start searching for clues.

The night already started and you had little time to find evidence. You sipped on the sweet wine and ate some of the delicacies presented to you. You asked Lord Delmus to have servants prepare something for your knights too before you eased him into a conversation.

“Oh, my queen, your presence is a blessing! I feel honored that you could make it!” the lord grinned as he patted his beer belly. You smiled back at him as you sipped on your wine carefully.

“Don’t be so humble, my lord! It is nice to visit friends and break out of the matters of the crown for a night” you replied. “Here, have a drink!”

You kept pouring more and more mead into his goblet until you could see the rosy tint of his cheeks and his laughter grew boisterous. You laughed along, pretending to be delirious and asked Bucky for a dance who looked at you like you grew another head. While the lord couldn’t see your face, you narrowed your eyes at the brunette and he realized that this was a part of your plan.

As you swayed with Bucky on the dancefloor, you leaned in close, trying to look like he was supporting you.

“You can have your audience now, Sir Barnes” you said quietly.

“I meant a real one” his voice hardened and you sighed.

“Don’t you realize what I’m doing? I’m cleansing the palace of the spies, Barnes” you hissed. “I won’t have time and especially a time when I can hear you out without anyone eavesdropping.”

“Can you forgive Sir Rogers, my queen?” Bucky asked with a sadness in his tone like he knew that you had every right to stay angry with his friend because he himself thought the blonde knight wronged you. Yet as a faithful friend, here he was pleading with you for your forgiveness.

“I haven’t thought of that night these days, to be honest… I was busy helping my people” you replied. “Maybe one day, I will be able to call him my friend again. You don’t need to plead with me on his behalf.”

“There are rumors that a war is on our doorstep” he replied as he held you close. You blinked as you were reminded of the dreams and hopes you had… that one day, Loki would hold you like this, would dance with you like this. You felt foolish as a tear rolled down your cheek and you knew Bucky noticed as his hand slid from your waist to your shoulder, his touch gentle.

“My queen, are you alright? Do you want to take a breather?” he asked and his worry sounded genuine. You shook your head and wiped your eye.

“We have no time for sentiments, forgive me, Sir Barnes” you said. “Let’s get that bastard behind bars.”

Lord Delmus already disappeared into his quarters and Ned was quickly approaching you with a glass of wine on a platter. It meant that the lord was in the right place. Sam, Wanda and the guards were already in his quarters hidden by Ned. You fled the dancefloor as quickly as you could, but by now every guest was so drunk that no one noticed you. Bucky and you jogged after Ned who was faster than anyone would think with his chubby body. You supposed, servants grew accustomed to hurrying up and down the residency.

When you stopped at the doors, you could hear the lord’s voice and then someone whimpering hopelessly. You burst into the room with Bucky behind you. It was the signal for the others to move and soon Lord Delmus was at your feet, kneeling, his hands twisted behind his back by Sam.

“Perverted fool” you spit angrily. “My husband will not show mercy.”

“M-my queen… i-it was just a misunderstanding!”

“How dare you!” you bellowed which even surprised the knights. “Those were children, for the gods sake! Children! I’m disgusted of you, sick bastard. Get him out of my sight.”

Wanda was just finished with letting go of the young boy who was naked on the sheets, tears streaming down his face, whimpering frightened out of his mind. He had short blonde hair and green eyes, a sickly body. You remembered how Steve was talking about his childhood, detailing how fragile he was back then and how Bucky saved him many times. You let Wanda take care of him and escort him out of the room before you went to the large desk to the side. You carefully opened every drawer, looked into every crook and canny. You found papers of financial reports on the royal treasury, different letters with other nobles, discussing their moves on how to proceed in killing the king. You got an empty wooden box and neatly put every evidence into it.

Getting back to the palace was easy. No one suspected anything yet and you wished to keep it that way. You needed time to process every information you could gather from his letters. You turned to Wanda: “Get these into safety. I don’t want anyone to notice it until I choose to show them to my husband or Lady Natasha.”

“Your highness, do you need me for anything else? Do you need information?” she asked as she took the wooden box.

“Not until I read through these… thank you for tonight” you smiled at her and squeezed her hand. You turned to the dresser to see another letter sitting on the furniture. Your eyebrows furrowed at the sight of it. You picked it up as Wanda left your chambers and opened the envelope.

_Dear (Name),_

_I’m still so preoccupied with the duties Father cannot take on anymore. I hope that Sir Rogers has given you my gift to you last time he visited. Mother told me that you looked pale and fragile. Please, tell me that you’re alright. I wish I could be there with you or that you could move here permanently. I dreamt of you these nights… do you dream about me?_

_Remember I told you that I befriended Sir Rogers? I trusted him with your gift because I believe he won’t lose it. He’s the only one who dares to talk to me. I feel less alone now that I found a friend. Still I wish you could be here…_

_Yours forever, Loki ~_

_**To be continued…** _


	11. Growing Up To Be Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We will get a little insight of Loki's feelings and thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story so far! ^^' I'm trying to not rush with it as I have done with previous stories I wrote. =/ Give me your thoughts and anything, I really enjoy reading your comments. The fact itself that some people are reading it means a lot. Thank you!

_**Loki’s PoV.** _

_Dear husband,_

_I have no idea how your past letters ended up in my chambers but here they are. I have no want to keep them. You had your time to reply back then but you never did. I don’t even have any recollection of what those letters contained I have sent to you back then as a naïve child._

_Your wife ~_

Her letter was cold and short, dismissive just like he imagined it would be once she had enough of his replies. However, Loki had a purpose and he wanted to reduce the damage as much as possible. He knew (Name) didn’t deserve to be treated like that and he felt remorse when he looked into her (e/c) orbs that looked back at him with hurt. Loki knew he acted rashly, without thought but he was desperate.

She looked perfect especially since her heart grew cold. Every man in the ballroom was looking at her with awe and desire. He wasn’t an exception. Loki, after reading back the letters one by one slowly, got reminded of the princess he fell in love back when he first saw (Name). The kind princess who shined so brightly, outstanding like a rosebud amongst the thorns. But he was greedy for love and his heart couldn’t wait long enough. Loki’s blue-green eyes followed his wife’s form as she walked amongst the nobles, chatting away with them amicably. She was wearing a deep green gown with a lace bodice and satin skirt. Golden accessories adorning her look, her lips a deep red like a fine wine, complementing her skin tone.

Steve haven’t replied to his letters no matter how many he sent; none was returned. Yet it was understandable. It would be suspicious for anyone and some people in the court tend to open his letters before he gets them. The celebration soon ended and the king asked Wanda to tell his wife to join him in the library. Sir Barnes and Wilson tried to insist on accompanying him to his destination but the raven-haired king ordered them to return to their quarters for the night. The night air was chilling as he walked the halls where the windows were open to let fresh air inside. His thin lips pulled into a gentle smile as he stopped at one of them and leaned on the windowpane with his hands. He cherished moments like these… yet his heart for longed for love.

**_Flashback~_ **

_Loki was nervous as the carriage rocked back and forth on the dirt road with his father, mother and himself. His hands kept fidgeting in his lap. Will the princess find him good enough? Will she accept him as her betrothed? Will she hate him? Feel disgusted by his sight? Like all the other girls back home? His heart was hammering in his chest as he thought of the portrait that rested in his chambers. She was breathtakingly beautiful and Loki kept looking at the painting for hours upon hours abandoning his homework. She looked restrained however, the painting mirroring her almost invisible frown, the way her face looked strained. His father told him that her parents were strict people and he shouldn’t speak without given permission or fail the etiquette._

_"Son, you have nothing to fear of” Odin smiled gently at him patting him on the shoulder. “She is the only one who matters. Your mother and I will take care of everything else.”_

_“What if she won’t like me?” Loki asked quietly averting his gaze._

_“Nonsense!” laughed Odin. “I’m sure she will like you.”_

_“Loki, I tried my best to find the right match for you when your father decided to start looking for a fiancée for you” Frigga smiled at him with such warmth that always made his heart melt. He may have lost his birth mother but Frigga was just as much his mother. Loki smiled back at her brightly with a nod, his heart beating rapidly with hope._

_Arriving at the Alfhendrëran palace was smooth. Servants welcomed them, one of the higher ups escorting them into the throne room where the king and queen sat. Yet Loki’s focus was only resorted to **her**. She stood there, next to her mother, with her back straight as a board, her head held high, cheeks turning rosy when their eyes met. Oh, those eyes. They shined so brightly and her lips pulled into a smile when he tried his best to be suave and winked at her. Loki tried his best to mask his nervousness and excitement. Princess (Name) was a beauty that had no match in the Alliance._

_Having her arms circled around his right one, hand almost touching his, her cheerful voice showing him around the palace gardens, her laugh bubbling when he managed to make a joke or two. Loki felt on cloud nine. He felt lucky that such a kind lady would become his wife, his soulmate, his one and only._

**_End of flashback~_ **

How things changed. Loki wasn’t prepared for her arrival all those months ago. He was still in denial and tried to keep Steve around desperately. However, he was a king now and his duty was to the crown and its people. His duty was to have an heir soon, an heir he would need to raise into a good king or queen. An heir from his wife but right now, they were barely on speaking terms.

“You asked for me” her cold voice startled him. Loki turned to his wife to see her changed into a night gown, a long night robe thrown over her shoulders, her long hair let down.

“Come” he curled his index finger indicating for her to follow him before the king took off toward the library. (Name) huffed with annoyance but obeyed his request, her soft steps echoing along with his through the empty corridor. Loki let her in first and placed a lock down spell on the place so no one could enter.

“Why are we here?” she asked impatient as she followed him deeper into the library. Loki pushed in a book on a shelf in the history section revealing a secret room behind the shelf. It was his safe heaven, he built it in back when he was just learning magic.

“You know exactly that the walls have ears” he sighed as he motioned for her to sit on one of the couches. “My study is not a safe place to talk about your findings.”

“The letters revealed half of the spies and traitors… I believe they may give us some clues about the plans…” she furrowed her eyebrows as she pulled her robe tighter around her form. “Do you have a plan in mind?”

“We’re fortunate that most of the traitors are foolish, petty nobles who would confess to anything if their lives were at stake” Loki smirked as he picked up the book, he was halfway through. “By the way, congratulations for getting Lord Delmus behind bars.”

“If that’s all, then I would like to return to my bed” she rolled her eyes as she got up and was about to leave the secret room. Loki felt panic rise in his chest knowing this was his only chance to try to start all new with his wife.

“I’m sorry” he said quietly, his heart heavy. He knew she wouldn’t forgive him, maybe never, but he owed her an apology. He wanted to make up for treating her so badly, for lying to her, for cheating on her especially on her wedding night. (Name) turned back to him with her eyes blazing with the fire of hatred as she sneered.

“You’re sorry?! Hah, yeah, right… you’re sorry” she huffed. “You don’t get to say that now. I’m helping you to save my own ass, _husband_ , because you won’t – especially with stunts like the one you pulled at Argenveil.”

“I know exactly that I deserve your hatred… I can only ask for you to listen to my apology” Loki sighed averting his gaze. He only ever apologized to Frigga before as a kid, when he sneaked into the forbidden section of the library that was only for the king. Silence took over the room, none of them moving or saying anything. He felt her gaze burning into his forehead but he avoided looking at her. He couldn’t. Not when he knew he was at fault.

“Talk” she urged him with a hint of annoyance and impatience in her voice.

“I apologize for treating you unjustly and for cheating on you… for lying to you” he sighed before looking up to meet her gaze, his blue-green eyes unwavering as he continued. “However, I do not apologize for trying to fight for the love of my life and I do not apologize for loving Steve. He will never leave my thoughts even if he will never return to my bed.”

“If I remember correctly, I told you to keep him, to fight for your love… I only asked for your respect, for you to treat me justly” (Name) crossed her arms in front of her chest, her features unreadable. “I have given up everything to become the perfect queen-to-be, to meet your expectations. I endured my parents abusing me for every little mistake I made. I endured to be looked down throughout my life… because you made me hope for a better future.”

“I’m sorry” Loki whispered. The silence was deafening as he looked back at her. She was beautiful, outstanding amongst every woman. Her wish to fight in her own way brought a different light on her in his eyes. Her wits and intelligence had no match amongst the ladies at court. He cleared his throat before continuing. “But we must stand together because hard times are coming and right now… in this palace, I am the only one you can truly trust. It would make our tasks easier if we could be on speaking terms.”

“I wish I could trust you” she huffed before leaving with her robes waving behind her like waves of the ocean. Loki closed his eyes and sat back down on the couch, leaning back. Maybe while working together, her heart would melt with time… maybe. He could only hope to redeem himself.

_**Your PoV.** _

The morning sun was shining brightly into your chambers, however, by that time you were already awake. You assumed your letter reached to the borders where Steve was. It had the king’s stamp on it. Not that Loki let you send it or knew anything about this. Last night you made the mistake of fighting with your husband. You couldn’t let your opportunities slip out of your hands especially after Steve arrived back to the capital. You needed to get closer your husband, not the opposite. You stood up from your bed and walked into the bathroom. Pulling off the nightgown you could make out your ribcage protruding from your sides. It looked pathetic just like when you were younger. You turned to the right side so you could inspect the scar your mother’s dagger left. She taught you how to defend yourself without a sword or spear. She taught you how to use a dagger and how to hide it in your gown. You remember watching her move so fast yet so elegantly, her blows deathly yet dainty. You took after her many things except the coldness. Your parents tried to raise a perfect android, not a child. The scar went from your belly to your side, a sharp cut, a straight line that was almost invisible. Your mother’s precision was like a surgeon’s.

“Your husband is a fool to ignore such beauty” Natasha said as she inspected you. “Congratulations on getting the jug lord arrested for his crimes.”

“Why are you not using the fact that there are so many enemies inside the palace? Why are you even helping me getting rid of the most?” you narrowed your eyes as you looked back at her.

“Thor is a straight forward man… he doesn’t like schemes, doesn’t like plotting against other… he just likes to run into battle and win” she shrugged. “I’m here to report to him on the king and the happenings in Jöttenheimer… and of course to clean his path to the capital.”

“You’re doing the plotting instead of him” you replied as you slid into the bathtub. The water was helping you calm your nerves. You submerged to wet your hair before reaching for the shampoo. Natasha walked up to you sitting on the edge of the tub, her red hair braided into a traditional updo of Jöttenheimer. You inspected her sharp jaw, her lips before you met her eyes. “Why are you here in the first place? You blend in too perfectly.”

“Because I’m not from the Northern tribes” she replied simply shrugging. “I remember sold to a lord in this kingdom. The man trained young children with his wife… trained them to become the perfect spies for him and his cause. When he deemed me useless, he locked me in a wooden case and left me in a village of the Northern tribes. That’s where Thor found me… he was a few years older than me. We fought together to reach the top alongside Clint.

The three of us fought together and when Laufey died, Thor took over and reformed everything. The tribes were satisfied that they no longer needed to give their young children to the army to be killed on the battlefield. No one starved because trading worked better than pillaging.”

“And what made Thor want to attack our kingdom?” you asked as you massaged your scalp.

“Odin closed off the gates and refused trading with the Northern Tribes, even accused our people of pillaging castles when those thieves were Genneracian people dressed as our people. The old king rejected any objection, any protest and never listened to our cries for justice.” Natasha replied. You looked down at the water. It looked so clear, so transparent. Maybe you were just as transparent to her as the water was to you. “You think you can convince Loki to change the ways of the current politics. That he’s different from his father.”

“I don’t think that we need to shed blood if it is only a small disagreement” you sighed. “You haven’t been to Argenveil, Natasha… I have seen King Nârm… I have read Loki’s letters. The king survived the explosion and now is plotting against Jöttenheimer. You said yourself that he wants to conquer every other kingdom. If Jöttenheimer falls, the tribes will be next.”

“You’re starting to become like your husband” she smirked. “Have you grown closer to him yet?”

“I think I missed an opportunity for that” you averted your gaze as you washed your hair.

“(Name)… how do you expect yourself to change his thinking about North if you’re barely on speaking terms with him?” the red-haired woman sighed with you assumed pity lacing her words.

“But he slept with one of my closest friends on our wedding night! He cheated on me, lied to me throughout my time as a maiden here!” you protested angrily, remembering all the feelings bubbling inside your chest. The memories flashed before your eyes. The moans, the pond, the darkness.

“It is not easy, I believe… but you’re a queen now and your duty is to the crown and its people first and foremost. Other than that, you were in love with an imaginary prince. You haven’t known anything about Loki. Now that Steve is out of the picture, you have the time and opportunity to get to know your husband and maybe fall in love with a real person this time.” she smiled at you. You never noticed the shift in behavior between you two but now you felt like there was friendship connecting you two. To be honest, Natasha was right. You were a naïve little girl, the petty princess everyone pictured, in love with an imaginary prince who would sweep you off your feet. You loved an idealized person and knew nothing about the real one.

You felt stupid and childish now. But you had to grow up to be a queen. As you dried yourself off, you looked at the mirror again inspecting yourself. Your eyebrows narrowed in determination; your lips set in a line as your eyes burned with a passionate flame. A flame that made you fight for your goals, a flame that gave you energy to push on even when you were exhausted. This woman looking back at you was a good queen, not the child you arrived as to the palace once.

_**To be continued…** _


	12. Distress Signal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> So here is another update! I hope you didn't have to wait for long!

The gardens were bright and colorful. You were aware that your invitation for breakfast to your husband was a surprise. You haven’t hoped to receive any reply let alone his company this morning. The silence was sitting on your sides heavily. Servants waited on both of you around the pavilion as you sipped on your tea slowly. You were here to make peace with your husband. After your conversation with Natasha you realized that you had to let go of the past and start new if you wanted to get somewhere.

“I was surprised you would join me” you mumbled.

“As I said before, (Name)… I wish to rekindle our relationship” Loki replied sighing with a troubled smile playing on his thin lips. You averted your gaze as you took a deep breath. You never thought it would be so hard… to get to know a complete stranger. Because Loki, your husband was a complete stranger.

“There was none to begin with…” you said looking out to the flower garden. Birds were chirping away happily now that the cherry trees started blooming. Soon they would have some snacks. “I believe… that we should start from step one. Start over.”

“What changed your mind about us?” he asked seemingly surprised however, his face stayed unreadable.

“The fact that I refuse to give heirs to a stranger” you huffed. “Have you forgotten about the purpose of my existence here?”

“Others may look at it as such… but it is your life” Loki shook his head. “Once you said to me that I should fight for the love I had… I think you should do the same thing for a nice life. Your parents are no longer can reach you, no one can hurt you as long as you let me protect you. Take advantage of me and live your life as you want to.”

“I wanted to live my life with an imaginary prince charming, a person who never existed… How am I supposed to live a life that was an illusion I created for myself and now is shattered?” you laughed bitterly disappointed in yourself. “But I’m not sad that the illusion shattered, you know? I would’ve hurt myself even more if I tried to live that life.”

“Maybe if you let me I could give you a life you would enjoy, a life that is real” Loki said as he leaned forward, his blue-green eyes piercing into yours and his features held such honesty that made you doubt your decisions a few months ago. Your lips pulled into a small smile as you chuckled.

“Maybe I’ll let you” you replied and you didn’t miss the small tick of his lips as the corners lifted or the shift in his shoulders like he was relieved. His smile was genuine and your heart thumped in your chest at the sight of it… maybe you’ll let him.

_**Steve’s PoV.** _

The blonde knight sat behind his desk, the intricate letters of the queen staring back at him from the paper. His heart was pumping away in his chest as fast as it could. Queen (Name) sent him a letter… maybe she kept his letter. He was already thinking about how he would bow to her or how he would get her friendship back. His blue eyes landed on the words and read it over again.

_Dear Steve,_

_I have not forgot how we parted ways after my wedding. Your friend, Sir Barnes kept begging me to bring you back to the capital, to forgive you. I cannot promise such things… but if it was ever a doubt, I will have to shatter all illusions. I have not sent you there, my husband has decided on his own._

_I am writing to you to tell you that I am expecting your arrival back to the capital with a reply by next week. If you decide to stay at the borders, I will accept it and I expect you to stay silent of my request. The king does not know that I used his stamp._

_The queen ~_

He was in the middle of an investigation; he couldn’t leave now. He closed his eyes as he sighed heavily. He had no idea what the queen was thinking or _wanted from_ him. Rumors said that the queen became cold and counting since she married the king. That she was lashing out on the maids for the smallest mistakes made. Steve could hardly believe that (Name) would care about spilled tea on her dress. She would just stand up, return to her chambers, get Wanda help her change dresses and would go back to the tea party. He visited her so many times back when she was the princess of Alfhendrër that he got to know her quite well.

His heart throbbed as he remembered the disgusted look on her face. He felt foolish for hoping that maybe one day she would forgive him. Steve knew that he wanted to kiss back in the labyrinth that day when he promised her to whisk her away if she wanted that. Someone knocking on the door interrupted him in replying to the queen. His blonde head lifted as his features showed his curiosity in who it could be.

“Captain, there are nomads outside… they want to talk to you” one of his men said and waited for Steve to follow him out. The reply has to wait.

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Clint was a straight forward person. He didn’t like the plays Natasha played so easily, twisting others’ opinions so quickly. However, he trusted her the most. She was the other person besides Thor he trusted. Clint glanced at Thor a little further away from him, dressed as a common tribe member.

His eyes then landed on the guards. There was a boy amongst them, lean but he was fit. He must be an errand boy or something of the kind. The kid looked nothing like the attackers. Thor started this quest to avenge his people who got murdered by Jöttenheimer’s scum. They had no idea why King Loki sent his soldiers to kill their commoners but Thor was ready to fight. Natasha sent them a letter to wait for her to confirm their suspicions. She said in the last letter that something was fishy with the whole thing.

Clint was suspicious too. The king back then prince wasn’t famous about his short temper or his thoughtless decisions. No… that man was cunning, counting… smart. Way smarter than that.

“I’m here, who wants to talk with me?” a blonde man asked as he walked out from the building. His posture was straight, towering over most people around, shoulders wide, chest broad, arms strong. Clint could tell he was handsome by Jöttenheimer standards. Thor grinned widely as he walked up to the Captain.

“You’re the Captain then, I assume!” the blonde’s accent was thick but could be understandable. Clint was speaking their language because he grew up in Gennerac. However, the tones were different here and the way they ended the words was never easy for him to learn.

“Yes, who are you?” the blonde captain crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Thor, the leader of my people” Thor grinned and offered his hand which the Captain took without reluctance. It seemed like he wasn’t aware of what happened at the Barren Lands of the North. Clint narrowed his eyes. If a Captain of the borders didn’t know about it then there was something really fishy about it. “I wish to speak with your king.”

“The proper way of approach is for you to send a letter with a royal stamp on it and when the king replies with an appointment, then you can have an audience with him” the Captain sighed.

“I’m afraid it cannot wait” Thor kept his smile even if it was easy to tell that it was strained.

“It has to” the Captain was standing his ground and Clint could tell that Thor was impressed. Maybe today won’t be the day when the blonde giant man would wrack havoc over something that could wait. Clint knew how much Thor wanted matters to be taken care of but sometimes to keep ours safe, you have to wait. “We have an on-going investigation right now but if you wish, I can send a letter in your name to the king. If it is so urgent, then it must be a really pressing matter.”

“I’m afraid I cannot leave here until you let us through” Thor shook his head.

“If you wait a day and a night, I will escort you to the king’s palace myself” the Captain extended his hand for Thor to shake. “My fastest man can be there in half-a-day and would get back with the reply.”

“Captain! Captain Rogers!” a man in heavy armor burst into the yard that was between the guards’ building and the border. “Captain Rogers! Jöttenheimer is under attack!”

“Damn it!” the blonde captain cursed. “Gennerac couldn’t have waited…”

“Gennerac?” Thor asked with furrowed eyebrows. The Northern tribes’ men were familiar with the Genneracian king who sent a letter to Thor promising him that if he gives up his leadership in peace, no one will get hurt. Something clicked in Clint’s mind. Natasha’s suspicions, the clear evidence before their eyes back at Barren Lands.

Clint walked up to Thor pulling on the other man’s arm so he was paying attention to him.

“ _Gennerachrer du silkur ussucr ni Jöttenjemeer du urmirh_ ” he hissed in Fhaltuni language. _(Genneracian soldiers attacked in Jöttenheimer’s armor)_ Thor’s blue eyes widened and Clint could see the shift from surprise to rage. He nodded understandingly before adding: “ _Dhar’m us udyraghak crorad!_ ” ( _Don’t do anything stupid)_

Thor nodded the wide smile returning to his lips.

“It seems you have more urgent things to tend to. We will wait here” the blonde said and turned back to their warriors. Quickly ordering everyone to set up camp, Clint went to help starting a fire. Dark days were coming their way.

**_Back to you ~_ **

The library was quiet. You finally managed to avoid any lady of the court wanting to invite you for a tea or a chat. You had enough of their endless rumbling about stupid, meaningless things. They must be so bored about their lives that they need to gossip. You leaned back in the armchair and sighed relieved as you opened the large book in your lap. You pulled your legs up so the book was resting on your knees.

Your conversation with Loki in the morning by the breakfast table went better than you thought would. Both of you seemed to give up some of your walls of security. Maybe one day you would be able to forgive completely.

“This place became your safe heaven?” Loki chuckled as he walked out from behind a shelf with a book in his hand. His mischievous smirk was playful. “You finally got away from the ladies?”

“Ugh… how can anyone not get bored to death by them?! Who cares about whether a dress should have ruffles or bows?” you groaned rolling your eyes. “But I think they’re doing it on purpose… to avoid telling me the real gossip that have value.”

“Yes, it is reasonable” your husband nodded as he sat down across from you. “Who wouldn’t want to use a good gossip to get forward? To earn your mercy?”

“We need to change tactics” you furrowed your eyebrows. “Because I’m gonna go insane if I have to listen to another petty woman bubbling away about children’s toys or shoes.”

“Have you got an answer from Steve?” Loki asked as he opened his book licking his lips.

“You knew” you laughed a little. It was truly funny how he noticed you sending a letter to Steve. “No… I haven’t.”

“What was your purpose with that? I haven’t read the contents” your husband inquired.

“It doesn’t matter… it is a trivial thing…” you shrugged looking down at the pages. “Do you miss him?”

“Why do you want to know? So you can keep him away from me?” the raven haired king asked back.

“I asked Steve to return to the capital…” you smiled sadly. “Remember what I told you back when your father asked everyone to see him? When we took a walk in the gardens?”

Loki kept silent waiting for you to continue as you looked out the window, watching the slowly descending sun as it painting everything with a warm hue. It felt warm on your skin as it shined through the glass of the window. “That you should fight for that kind of love… that I accept your choice and let you have him as long as it stays a secret. It was not me who asked him to leave. I was angry and felt betrayed, yes… but it never occurred to me to send him away.”

“I sent him… there was no other choice” Loki smiled sadly.

“I wanted to make you happy with surprising you with Steve appearing here one day” you chuckled as a tear rolled down your cheek.

“He cannot come back” Loki shook his head. “I won’t make another stupid decision… believe me or not… I never wanted to hurt you. I never thought about what my actions would cause because I was so desperate, so in love.”

“I would’ve done the same thing, Loki” you shook your head. “I would’ve fought the same way if it would’ve been me.”

“Then fight and don’t give up, (Name)” he smiled genuinely back at you. He got up and walked up to you extending a hand for you to take. You put the book away from your lap and accepted his hand. “I truly wish to start over and not because I would have to… I want to start over because of you. Because of the princess I fell in love back then. Because of the princess I should’ve waited patiently… whom I abandoned.”

“It will be a long journey, Loki” you replied as your heart skipped a beat at seeing the vulnerability in his blue-green eyes as his lips parted.

“I know” he nodded with a small smile that melted another layer of ice from your heart. Suddenly an explosion interrupted the evening as a distress signal lighted up the sky from East. Your eyes widened. Jöttenheimer was under attack.

_**To be continued…** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS.: if you have any requests feel free to write it in your comments!


	13. Fortune

Jöttenheimer wasn’t prepared for a war. Everyone knew that. The king drew the army over to the eastern borders where the Gennerician army broke into the kingdom. The palace in the capital was a mess. There were more soldiers stationing around, there was no going in and out of the city without showing papers about their business there. Loki prepared to leave soon after he held a conference in his study. Sir Barnes and Sir Vision was promoted to commanders while Sir Wilson was promoted to general.

You stayed in your chambers pacing back and forth as you waited for Natasha. Lady Frigga already told you that now you had to be in charge. She told you that she expected you to be sharp at the meeting in the morning. The palace was in chaos as the remaining guards got their orders, servants prepared the escape routes, personal maids packed their ladies’ belongings in preparation for departure. Wanda packed yours a few hours earlier but you knew that you would be the last one to leave the palace if anything happens.

“Won’t you see your husband off, my queen?” Natasha asked as she opened the door. You stopped dead in your tracks in your pacing eyes widening in realization.

“Accompany me” you ordered the red head and marched down the halls with determined steps. Your back straight, head held high, arms clasping on your dress’ skirt. Servants and ladies jumped out of your way as you hurried down the stairs and corridors. When you walked through the front doors, the cold of the wind hit you hardening your features.

You saw Loki sitting on his black stallion and you knew… you _knew_. You fell for him all over again in that moment. He looked so regal, so ethereal. He was glowing from authority, expression tight, eyebrows drawn together, lips sealed shut as they were pulled into a thin line. You cried out his name, your voice echoing in the dead silence that filled everyone’s hearts as they anticipated the outcomes of the battle.

Loki’s blue-green eyes found your (e/c) ones as he turned around in the saddle. His expression changed in slow-motion as you walked up to him. You watched his eyebrows curl outward in surprise and his lips part slightly at your sight.

“Loki!” you called out again when you were closer. By then he was standing on the ground, taking long strides toward you so he could meet you in half-way.

The two of you looked at each other for seemingly hours. The seconds definitely felt like hours as you looked up into his blue-green orbs. Your eyes fell down on his lips before jumping back to his eyes as you searched his face. You had no idea what you were looking for nor did you have any idea what would you feel if you found it. Your body moved on its own as your hand grasped on his collar and pulled him down. Your lips pressed against his with a burning passion. You weren’t the naïve girl who arrived to Jöttenheimer. You weren’t hoping for his affection anymore.

You were his wife; his queen and you were ready to take what’s yours. He was rightfully yours. No one can do anything about it, not even Steve. Especially him. You wanted everyone to see the change. That you no longer were the damsel in distress. That you were _the_ queen. You wanted your husband to see that too. You felt his lips unmoving before you let him go with a smirk on your lips.

“Don’t forget who you belong to now” you hissed. Loki was speechless as you turned around and left him there. You tried to avoid the creeping feeling of uncertainty. Your heart pounded in your chest even when you were behind your chambers’ doors. You cursed yourself for not being able to let go, for wanting to fight for his affection, for wanting to make him yours. You felt like a wolf that wanted the pray so badly you would do anything because you were starved. You knew that the battle that was waiting for you would be far more vicious than any battle your husband might take part in. You felt conflicted. Did you really want this? To fight? To risk being rejected all over again? Did you really want him? Or were you just afraid to let go? Of trying to find affection from somewhere else? Would you even catch anyone’s eyes? Would anyone try with you? The queen?

You huffed in frustration as you paced back and forth. You felt like your skin was tight on you, like you were about to explode from emotions. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see the red-haired lady smirk at you as she stood by the doors waiting for you to calm down a little.

“Well, that was hot” Natasha quipped. “Even the ladies got wet at that.”

“I want _him_ to be aroused” you hissed angrily. “But right now, he’s not my top priority. I have a kingdom to keep functioning.”

“You were right” the red head admitted with her arms crossed in front of her chest. “It wasn’t Loki’s doing that our people got attacked at Barren Lands. Thanos made King Nârm send his soldiers dressed in the armor of Jöttenheimer to wrack havoc over our tribes. I already sent word to Thor.”

“Thank you for investigating farther” you nodded as you paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. “Have you got any information about… my parents?”

“They joined Thanos and are planning on sending their arms against Jöttenheimer” Natasha replied but the pause in her sentence made your head turn to her with a questioning expression for her to continue. She sighed heavily as she averted her gaze before continuing. “With the claim that Jöttenheimer promised to extend the trading line in their way but failed to do so.”

Your hands clenched into fists as you felt heat rise in your chest to your neck. You saw red. Even after they sold you like a prized lamb, treated you like a piece of trash every single day of your life with them, they couldn’t stop there. Their greed was unbelievable. Loki never promised them anything, he was even giving a piece of land from Jöttenheimer for your hand along with his alliance.

“They never fail to disappoint me” you cackled madly. Wanda knocked on the door before entering. You smiled at her and followed her to your closet. She helped you change into a new gown before you would need to join the former queen in the dining hall. You knew it was custom to keep a banquet once the king goes to battle. You had to arrive sharply and ready for any outcome.

_**Steve’s PoV.** _

The main forces were called to the southern borders while others stood guard at the other borders. The blonde captain knew that he was competing with time as he urged his horse to run faster. He knew by reports that Jöttenheimer was about to lose. He gritted his teeth as he rode his horse. Just one more village tonight. He will rest, let his horse rest but he needed to reach the next village as fast as possible.

“Captain! We should let the horses rest! We cannot get there faster!” Peter cried out against the wind. Oh, the kid had no idea what a battlefield looked like. The kid was so innocent but he was around his age when he first watched someone get murdered.

“Alright!” the blonde knight grunted reluctantly and when the lights of the village appeared, he sighed relieved.

_**Time skip~** _

Steve shoveled the food in his mouth without tasting it much before he quickly went to sleep. He was in an endless routine, his mind all over the place and his heart longing to see his once lover and his queen. The blonde knight had been dreaming of his queen since he left the capital. He felt stupid for hoping… for falling for her. Because he did fall for her during the time, she was only the princess of another kingdom.

Yet his heart couldn’t let go of his lover. His heart was still beating for Loki and he felt confused. What kind of person he was to love both parties of a married couple? It felt perverse and disgusting at the same time… yet his heart wanted to touch, to feel, to love them. His hand curled into a fist in his sheets as he turned in his bed trying to fall asleep.

_**In the morning~** _

Steve had no idea when he fell asleep finally after tossing and turning in the bed but he was awake first. He quickly shook everyone out of their sleep and told them to meet him at the stables in ten minutes. When everyone arrived, they took off again. This was a routine since the first time they stopped at an inn on their journey from north.

The southern border’s entrance point was close. The town larger than most but not as much as the capital. It was around noon when they spotted the emerging smoke in front of them. As soon as they reached close enough, they drew their swords out and ran into battle. The other soldiers welcomed them with cheering before everyone turned back to the task at hand. Kill as many Genneracian soldier as they could.

Steve cut the head right off of a Genneracian soldier as he drove his horse deep into the battlefield. He cried out, his face contorting as he cut people in half. Blood was spraying on his arm and chest, the right side of his face dripping from sweat and blood, his blonde hair matted to his forehead from the body fluids. He saw red whenever he spotted one of his comrades injured or dead. He lost track of time and just killed until the Genneracian side called their soldiers back.

Steve panted heavily as he went back to their lines trudging deep in the blooded body parts and innards. The air was humid and smelled of raw flesh and blood. He watched Peter retching up what little his stomach contained at the side. Rannulf was patting the kid’s back equally disgusted and caked in blood as Steve was. He felt sorry for Peter but there was no easing someone into war. It was disgusting, dark and gore. Steve went back to them and after speaking to Rannulf he took off in the direction of the camp which the other knight pointed him in.

The silence was deafening as he took slow steps toward the camp. His limbs were heavy like someone fastened weights to them, his lungs were filled with the dust and the smell of blood. He could taste the fallen soldier’s blood on his tongue. He spit at the ground to get the taste out of his mouth but it was in vain. When he pulled the main tent’s opening away, his blue eyes spotted his king. His heart jumped into his throat at the sight. Loki was caked in blood as much as he was and looked ten times tired as he felt. Everyone’s attention turned to Steve at his entrance. He knelt and bowed to his king before he was pulled back onto his feet by Bucky.

“You punk! I thought you wouldn’t show up!” the brunette man pulled him in for a tight hug. Steve smiled back at his friend sadly and patted him back on the shoulder.

“And miss the party?” he chuckled tiredly before turning to Loki. “My king, how may I be of help?”

“How many men you have?” the king asked back with a nod of his head.

“Around thirty-five, I had to leave the rest at the border” the blonde answered.

“Then your division will be under Sir Vision’s supervision” the king nodded. “Come, we have to talk about the formations.”

Steve lost track of time as he stood by the king’s side and listened intently to his words. Sometimes he quipped in a few recommendations but otherwise decided to let the king handle the planning. Loki was a far better strategist than he was. That was one of the things he admired about Loki, his intelligence.

When the meeting was over, Loki asked Sir Barnes and Steve to stay. Bucky after listening to some orders left the tent. He exchanged a look with Steve that spoke volumes of what Steve had to prepare for making the blonde sigh.

“Steve… I missed you” the king spoke up slowly after a long silence. His features were sickly looking, like he hasn’t slept in days and probably that was the case.

“I’m sorry… for never replying to your letters, my king” Steve replied quietly averting his gaze.

“Things have changed…” Loki huffed as he fell into a chair and leaned back. “She wanted to call you back.”

“You’ve seen the letter” Steve smirked. If Loki knew that meant he was getting closer with the queen. Somehow Steve felt relieved.

“She told me when I asked” Loki shrugged with a chuckle. “Why haven’t you replied?”

“I got interrupted in my reply by the Northern tribes’ leaders” the blonde answered as he took a seat similarly to his king. “How has she been?”

“She changed a lot” Loki shook his head. “She became a queen after _that_ night. However, I think we’re making progress. We manage to stay in the other’s presence and keep a normal conversation.”

“She was right about being hurt, Loki” Steve narrowed his eyes. “She had every right to be hurt and feel betrayed.”

“Yet she told me to not give up my love for you, Steve” Loki smiled bittersweetly. “Then she marched out of the palace on the day of my departure with such confidence no one else possesses and kissed me before telling me that I belong to her and only to her.”

“She’s no longer the naïve princess who she was before” Steve laughed.

“Do you still long for her? Love her?” Loki asked suddenly and Steve could only agree. Anything else would be a lie and he would never lie to his king. “And what about us?”

“I love both of you, my king” Steve declared with confidence. Loki’s eyes widened in surprise before he jumped out of his seat and pulled Steve up by the collar. Their lips pressed against each other’s. It felt wonderful as Loki kissed him deeply pouring everything, he felt into it. Steve grabbed onto his neck pulling him closer as he pressed up against his king’s body.

“We shouldn’t do this, Loki” the blonde knight breathed against his king’s lips but his eyes said differently. He craved Loki so badly, his heart ached so badly in his chest. Loki let go of him and stepped back but held onto his hand.

“When we get back to the palace, we’ll sort things out” the king nodded before leaving Steve alone in the tent. What a mess.

_**Your PoV.** _

You sat next to Frigga with your back straight and head held high. You were cutting some meat with delicate movements and kept listening to the drunken lords. Only the elders stayed back from the battle. There were no young children as they stayed with their mothers. Lady Frigga have done most of the talking but as time went it seemed she was getting more impatient with the stupid lords who only came to get drunk.

“You can retire for the night, mother” you placed a hand gently on her wrist drawing her attention to you.

“I cannot leave you here alone” she shook her head with a kind smile gracing her lips. “Have you figured out what you want to do?”

“I beg your pardon but I can’t seem to follow” you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

“Oh, dear, you cannot believe that no one noticed your growing friendship with Lady Natasha” she replied as she sipped on her wine. Blood froze in your veins, cold sweat breaking out on your back. Then she continued: “I told you to be careful with your games. You might burn yourself.”

“She’s the spy of an ally” you hissed under your breath.

“Then you were lucky and things turned to your advantage” Frigga commented. “I am aware of your bitterness which was justified. But there is a war going on and you should choose a side.”

“I am married to your son, mother” you shook your head with a smile.

“You can still choose to betray him”

“I did choose to do so” you admitted as you looked up at her from your plate. You’ve never been so sure of yourself and your confidence seemed to come from a hidden part of your heart. “But I corrected my ways in time and gained an ally for him.”

Frigga nodded wordlessly and her attention soon turned to a drunken lord who asked about something stupid. You couldn’t wait for the night to end. Suddenly a chill ran down your spine as you felt eyes on your form. Your (e/c) orbs scanned the room but couldn’t find the source. The whole banquet felt like the calm before a storm.

_**To be continued…** _


	14. Sir Lang At Your Service

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sooo, it's been long that I have updated but I was struggling with a lot of things. I failed my language exam from Chinese language even I've been studying for 3 years now, but it is fortunately an exam I can take whenever I want again.
> 
> Thank you so much for your support while I was struggling with author's block and this depression like thing! It meant a lot that you sent me works to read! Thank you for the wait and I hope that I will be able to live up to your expectations! It means a lot that you read my work and comment and give kudos! Thank you so much! <3

The palace was wrapped in the dark blanket of the night, stars dotting its fabric. Lady Natasha left the banquet hall with soundless steps. Her skirt brushed against the sharp corner as she turned quickly. She knew that she couldn’t leave the queen alone. There was no one who would protect her, not even the guards who stayed behind. Natasha circled the hall while pulling pins out of her hair quickly pulling her red curls into a tight bun. During the years she spent in the royal court she perfected the technique of shapeshifting.

Not in the way a sorcerer could do it, however, someone who barely seen her in the daily bases couldn’t tell it was her in a maid’s outfit when she wore one. Just like now. She found a tailor who could make her dresses’ skirts have two layers. The upper layer was decorated and embroidered, while the bottom layer was a simple skirt of a servant’s. Natasha entered the kitchen and passed hurrying servants while picking up a silver tray with food. No one really payed attention to her as she was dressed completely different from how she looked in the dining hall.

She entered the dining hall from the servants’ entrance and made her way over to the high table. The queen was conversing with Lady Frigga with a strained, cold smile on her face. The red-haired assassin knew by then that Queen (Name) honed an expression like that when she felt cornered. Natasha quickly spotted a figure wearing a black cloak and leather pants and boots. Her eyes narrowed but refrained from showing that she noticed the assassin.

“My queen, there is an urgent matter outside” she leaned down to whisper in the queen’s ear. “A lady has some quarrel with another.”

“What am I supposed to do with that?” the queen asked irritated but when she turned to Natasha, her face showed realization and understanding before nodding quickly with a sigh.

“Follow me, my queen” Natasha said quietly and quickly led (Name) out of the dining hall. When (Name) stood up, an arrow embedded itself into the headrest of the armchair. There was deafening silence for a few moments before all hell break loose. Lady Frigga and Natasha grabbed (Name) and hurried toward the door of the servants’ entrance.

Arrows tried to hit the queen while the nobles were screaming and running around panicked out of their minds. Natasha and Frigga managed to take the queen to the corridors and were about to head to the stables when the figure Natasha spotted came out of hiding lifting a sabre up in the air. The woman had a bald head with soft yet sharp features, her body seemed to move like it was made for battle. Natasha pulled the queen away from harm’s way just the last second. Lady Frigga pushed on the queen making both young ladies to stumble a little. The former queen grabbed the assassin while stabbing her in the stomach with her other hand. The attacker gasped in pain but fought back immediately.

“Go!” Frigga yelled at the queen and Natasha before she was engaged in a fight. Natasha pulled on the queen’s hand bringing the other woman into motion. Their feet padded on the marble floor as they ran. Natasha heard the former queen’s cry of agony and she couldn’t help but look back. Her eyes widened as she watched Lady Frigga’s blood drip down the sabre of the assassin’s. There was the sickening sound of the blade being pulled out of flesh and bones with a slurping-smacking sound before Frigga fell to her knees.

The queen’s faint ‘nooo…’ reached her ears before she pulled on her again and ran down corridor after corridor as quickly as possible. She gripped onto the knife she had as an attacker stepped out of their hiding place. Natasha easily sliced her way through each attacker but she knew that she couldn’t take on the woman who was trying to hunt them down.

She was panting heavily by the time they reached the stables. The queen quickly jumped onto her horse following Natasha who was already urging her horse out of the stables. The two of them reached the gates but the guards or more like the attackers were pulling it up. Natasha grabbed her knife and as she galloped along the ropes connecting the gate to the system that pulled it up, she cut them off. The gate fell down in front of them and the two left the palace walls. Arrows tried to hit them but their horses were quick to reach the shield of the rooftops of the houses in the capital. Everything was silent as they left the capital.

“What are we going to do?!” the queen asked as she yelled against the wind.

“We’re going to North” the red-haired woman replied.

_**At the battlefield~** _

Loki knew that they were about to lose. No one came to their help and the enemy soldiers were too much, overpowering their forces easily. Even Steve’s massacre couldn’t scare them. He was truly surprised to see his former lover cut down men without a thought, blood spraying all over him, matting his blonde hair together. Not that he was any better. Loki used his knowledge in sorcery and a sick, murderous grin spread on his face as he watched the enemy randomly catch fire, green flames burning their flesh away. Some of them got horrible blotches on their skin, weeping like small children. Loki gritted his teeth as he slayed more men but there were too many.

The fight went on for two days by now and there were only more and more soldiers coming at them while his men were decreasing in number. However, as he fought, he knew that the fight was over when warships docked at the pier. The dread in his lungs filled his chest as he inhaled and he cried out as loudly as possible, calling back his men before trying to find Steve. He couldn’t leave the knight behind, he needed to know where he was.

“Your majesty!” the kid, Peter cried out from his right drawing his attention. The kid was running with two men, one of them was the red-haired Steve brought along and the other was Sir Barnes.

They were carrying an unconscious Steve. Loki’s heart skipped a beat as he stopped for a second but his feet carried him over. To his relief Steve was alive just knocked out. The few of them hurried back toward the camp but they only had time to pick a few waterbottle up. Then time seemed to become a blur. Loki found himself running through a village until they could steal horses from an inn. They left in a hurry. The army was gone, the Genneracian army successfully broke into the kingdom. They needed reinforcements but if they stayed here, they would get caught and executed. They only stopped at a crossing where they separated into three groups. Sir Barnes, the king and Steve would travel to North, Peter and Sir Rannulf with Sir Wilson went to the ally country on the West, the kingdom of Starkendral. Their king, Tony Stark was the ally of Jöttenheimer ever since Loki’s grandfather made peace with them and became allies.

“My king… we need to hurry up” Sir Barnes said mournfully. “We need to get to the North as soon as possible. Jöttenheimer cannot fall under the hand of King Nârm.”

“I know” Loki agreed with his eyebrows furrowed. Steve gained consciousness on the ride but he was still not well enough to ride on his own. His arms were secured around the king’s waist as they rode through the forest. Loki’s head pounded with the flashing thoughts in his mind as he gritted his teeth urging his horse to speed up.

_**Your PoV.** _

You were exhausted and that was a fact. You tried to stay awake but it’s been three days that you last slept. Natasha rode next to you and kept you awake. You had no idea how she did it but she was just as fresh as she was on the night of the banquet. The search party was in your heels and were one day away from reaching you.

“We need to stop, your majesty” the red head said as the village came closer in sight.

“Why?” you asked swallowing thickly. Your throat was as dry as the desert.

“Our horses are exhausted” she replied glancing at you. You nodded without farther argument. The village wasn’t large, one road and a few crossroads littered with houses and shops. The inn Natasha stopped at was small as well. She asked for a room and some food and water. The food was bland but the water was heavenly. It was so refreshing and cold as it slid down your throat. The bed was soft as you laid down and as your eyes closed, you were out cold.

_The sun shone brightly down on you in the gardens as you walked. Your arm was linked with Sir Rogers’. It was so warm and your heart thumped hard in your chest._

_“My lady… I missed you” his deep voice caressed your soul as he leaned down. You looked up into his blue eyes and you can only see adoration and love. Your cheeks grew pink as your eyes flitted_ _down to his plump lips._

_“Just like me” Loki’s deep voice purred from behind as his thin lips kissed the back of your neck, while his arms snaked around your waist and pulled you into his chest. You giggled as you put a hand on his and tilted your head back to look at your husband._

_“I’m here, my loves” you reply warmly smiling widely._

You woke up with a jolt as Natasha shook you. Her eyes looked at you worriedly and her lips curled downward. Your eyebrows furrowed in worry and you could see and understand why she’s upset.

**They found you**.

She helped you up quickly and quietly, while pulling out a knife from her hidden pocket. You gripped your skirt as you cursed yourself for not taking self-defense lessons from one of the knights. It could be helpful yet you were completely useless now. The two of you left the room quietly and went down to the kitchen. The men who were chasing you were talking to the owner at the front desk which left the back door open for the two of you.

The stables were secured by two of them and you only could watch Natasha easily get them down. Suddenly commotion could be heard from inside the inn. The red haired woman jumped up on a horse before extending her hand towards you. You barely had time to grab it before the men open the back door. As you land behind Natasha on the horse, you shut your eyes tight and hold onto her waist as tightly as you can.

Your heart was beating fast as you hoped that maybe today you won’t have to die. You feel sharp pain pierce through your shoulder and you swore you heard Natasha cry out in pain right after you did. It hurt so much. You try to move to look at it but the pain intensifies as your shoulder made the slightest move.

“Damn it!” Natasha cursed as she urged the horse forward. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you thought of the possibilities. You were holding her back but if she left you somewhere, you would surely get caught and killed. If you get killed, then the kingdom almost already fell.

“Stop! You can’t get far anyway!” someone yelled behind you and you could just tremble as you held on. Your heart thumped hard in your chest as a flash of Loki’s memory flooded your vision then Steve’s bright smile appeared. If you didn’t make it… you won’t be able to tell them that you were willing to forgive them.

Suddenly, the men were yelling in shock and pain. You looked back with wide eyes just to see a man ride right through the party chasing you. The man was riding on a carriage leaving a mess of tangled bodies both human and animal, their limbs in strange angles. The two that got away were fleeing the scene as quickly as possible. Natasha stopped the horse and turned back to inspect the “rescuer”.

The man beamed at the two of you as he reached you with his carriage. His hair was a short brown, his eyes green and a light stubble was visible on his chin. He was lean but seemed well built.

“Ladies, Sir Lang at your service!” the man bowed deeply as he jumped off the carriage.

“Who sent you?” Natasha asked sternly, eying the man suspiciously.

“King Antony Stark sent me, after your king’s knights arrived at our castle” the man replied beaming in a friendly way.

“And why would we believe you?” Natasha asked keeping the distance.

“Oh, one of the knights gave me this to show you, my lady” Sir Lang pulled out a pendant from his pocket showing it to the red haired woman. “He said you would know who this belongs to.”

Natasha’s eyes widened before she jumped off the horse quickly approaching the knight. She grabbed the man’s wrist with a vicious expression on her face. You were aware of her relations to Sir Barnes but they never really showed any evidence of their feelings for each other. You recognized the pendant to be his. You’ve seen it around his neck many times before.

“Natasha… what other chance do we have?” you asked as you hissed in pain from the arrow that was still lodged in your shoulder. You had no idea how she managed to unhinge the tip of it from her own shoulder but you decided to ignore that fact for now. The two of them hurried over to you, Sir Lang quickly pulling you down and into his arms so he could carry you into the carriage.

“I’ll take you to the borders, the king will be there too” Sir Lang assured you before he left you alone in the carriage with Natasha. You felt your fingertips growing cold as you tried to take deep breaths.

“Lie down, your majesty” Natasha pulled you down onto the seat and it didn’t take you long to fall unconscious.

_**To be continued**_ …


	15. An Illusion of The Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Sooo... its been long since I updated and I feel like this chapter didn't come out as I wanted but I'm trying my best. You've been really really sweet for sending me recommendations and giving me help and time! It feels amazing that you read my works and comment and help me with the feedback! I hope to develop and become a better author so you can enjoy my future works more.
> 
> Have a nice day and lots of love from me! <3

When you came to you were lying in a soft bed. You sat up startled as you looked around frantically trying to figure out where you could be. Your heart was racing in your chest as you tried to get out of the bed when the door opened. Your legs were weak and your shoulder was pounding with pain resulting you to fall on the floor.

“Your majesty!” a familiar voice cried out before someone hurried over to you and helped you back up into the bed. You looked up just to see Natasha look back at you with a worried expression on her face. She seemed tired but otherwise well.

“Where are we? What happened?” you asked as you steadied yourself on the bed as you sat back down.

“We arrived to the borders. Thor is here, we’re waiting for your husband and Sir Rogers to arrive” she answered as she poured you some water and gave it to you. You nodded in thanks and gulped it down quickly. Your heart jumped at the word ‘husband’. Would you see Loki in one piece ever again?

“Then you should take me to my ally… I wish to speak with him” you sat the glass down and stood up however, wobbly on your feet. Natasha grabbed at you elbows and helped you walk out the door. The stairs were nauseating but you managed to keep what was left in your stomach inside.

Once you reached the ground level, more people came to your help. As you looked around, you realized that those people were all imperial guards of the border. Sir Lang pulled out a chair for you and helped you into it. Others brought you a plate of food and hot tea. You had no idea how to react or if it was proper to accept it in the time of war.

“My lady” spoke up a man as tall as a bear with similar build. He was muscular and had long blonde hair with beard framing his jawline. His blue eyes looked at you with friendliness. “I am Thor, Lord of the Northern tribes. I need to thank you for helping my case up until now.”

The man knelt down on one knee in front of you and took your hand gently in his kissing your knuckles gently. You felt the imperial guards’ eyes bore into you at the declaration of your betrayal. Your face hardened as you narrowed your eyes at him.

“I had my own intentions, Lord Thor… do not think that someone of my status would help you out of good will” you replied as you pulled away. “Have you sent help for my husband?”

“Yes, I did” the man smiled back at you warmly. You had no idea if he saw through you or if he kept up the mask of a kind man. You felt Natasha squeeze your shoulder as warning which made you sigh a little.

“Thank you” you nodded. “The royal family is in debt of you.”

“I am the one who owes you, my queen… without your help I wouldn’t have found out about the scheming of King Nârm and his ally, Lord Thanos.” the blonde man shook his head and extended his hand for you to take. You hesitantly accepted it before he led you outside. You knew the guards were following the two of you in case anything would happen.

The northern border was quite cold but Thor quickly noticed your discomfort and his fur cape landed on your shoulder. Your eyes widened but you thanked him quietly. You were weak everyone could tell. You knew that the arrow could’ve been poisoned to ensure your death.

“Once your husband arrives, we’ll start discussing how to start a campaign against the attackers” he said.

“Once the war is over, will you make peace with King Loki?” you asked looking forward as you suppressed the biting pain in your shoulder.

“How do you know, my queen that we will win?” Thor asked back making you huff and roll your eyes.

“What kind of wife would I be if I wouldn’t believe in my husband?” you chuckled sadly. Suddenly commotion could be heard from behind you at the main entrance. Your sharply turned to the noise just to spot Loki gallop into the courtyard on horse back with an injured Steve behind him barely holding onto him.

You let go of Thor and hurried over to your husband with a worried expression on your beautiful face. When Loki noticed you, his blue-green eyes widened but jumped off the horse and grabbed your hand. His handsome face showed you his relief at seeing you in one piece. You squeezed his hand but turned to Steve who was brought inside by the guards.

“What happened, husband?” you asked as you watched Steve’s unconscious form disappear in the doorway to the building.

“We lost… they brought reinforcement… a lot” Loki replied panting heavily.

“Are you hurt?” you turned back to him and started searching for injuries but found none. He shook his head with a small smile on his thin lips.

“Were you worried, (Name)?” he asked.

“Maybe… I’m more worried for the kingdom right now” you replied with a hard expression. “How many of you were left? Sir Lang arrived from Middle Gardens, Sir Barnes arrived there safely.”

“Steve will be happy to learn that” Loki nodded though you could see the disappointment on his face by your answer. You had no idea what he was hoping you would answer after all that happened. The two of you barely started speaking to each other before he left for the battlefield. “And that you’re safe.”

“King Loki, we haven’t met officially before” Thor’s voice boomed across the courtyard drawing both of your attentions. You felt Loki’s hand tense in yours which you responded with massaging his skin with your thumb.

“Go, check on Steve for me, I’ll talk to him” Loki whispered in your ear before leaving you alone. You had no other choice but to obey your lord husband.

You made your way back into the building and asked Natasha to give you something to eat. You were famished by then and you assumed Steve could use a glass of water once they let you in. As you entered the room, you spotted the blonde knight’s unconscious form lying in bed.

You approached him and told everyone to leave the room. You sat down on the edge of his bed and put the glass of water down on the nightstand, grabbing the wet cloth instead and started dabbing it on his forehead. His strong hand grabbed your wrist firmly but gently at the same time making you stop your movements. As you pulled away your hand to look into his blue eyes, your heart thumped in your chest. Steve was still so handsome even if he looked tired and worn.

“I’m glad you’re in one piece” you said quietly as you put the cloth down.

“I missed you, my queen” he said weakly.

“Drink some water” you gave him the glass filled with cold water after he sat up a little.

“I’m so sorry…” the blonde knight grabbed your hand and placed your palm against his cheek before he kissed your soft skin. “There are no words for my betrayal… and I cannot apologize enough times to make it alright. But I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“You both are” you chuckled softly as you caressed his face. “Let’s get over this war and we can talk about how sorry all of us are.”

“Why are you-“

“I’m not” you laughed bitterly. “I’m the prisoner of my emotions, Steve. I can’t seem to move on or let go.”

“Do you love Loki?” he asked. Your silence seemed to be a perfect answer for his question. The silence stretched too long as you sat there and tried to find something to say. You missed Steve, but not as a friend anymore. Back in the garden’s labyrinth you fell for him even though you had no idea what it was. “He’s lucky…”

“I fell for someone else too, Steve” you replied as your hand curled into a fist on your skirt bunching it up in your palm. It was now or never. You had to get it out of your chest. If they go back onto the battlefield you might not have a second chance at saying it. “I love you too, Steve… longer than I thought. I loved you way back when I only thought about you as a friend. I had no idea what it was or why I felt tha-“

His lips captured yours interrupting you. His large hand held the back of your neck as he kissed you hungrily. You held onto his shoulders for balance, your eyes falling shut. His lips felt so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. It was like you were soulmates and destined to be together.

“You should be more careful” Loki spoke up from behind you breaking the two of you apart. A deep blush covered your cheeks as you sharply turned to him with your eyes wide. He wore a mischievous smirk on his lips as he walked closer, step by step. Like he was a predator about to catch its prey. “Anyone else would see you two… would call it treason.”

“What about you, my king?” Steve asked as he pulled you onto his lap and kissed the back of your neck.

“As much as I would love to continue this… we have a war to win” Loki sighed as he stood right in front of you. He reached out and lifted your chin too look him in the eyes. He leaned down and kissed you gently. Your heart wanted to jump out of your chest at the promise his kiss was holding. “I love you too… (Name). And I will make all the hurt and pain forgotten when we return to the capital victorious.”

_**Time skip~** _

The next few days went with preparing for war, gathering soldiers, contacting King Antony. You still felt unsure of what to do, how to proceed once you safely arrive back to the capital or if you will ever return. You knew the desire burning inside of you for both of them was there insisting, but your mind was telling you to keep your distance, to not trust your husband nor his lover. After they were sleeping together behind your back when Loki’s fidelity was promised to you.

Though… could something like that be promised to someone you barely knew? If you would’ve been in Loki’s place you would’ve done anything and everything just to be with the one you loved more than your own life. You needed more time to think, more time to process everything.

“Your highness, the tea is ready” Natasha approached you in the room you were given to stay in temporarily. You nodded in thanks as you took the cup from her and blew on the hot liquid.

“What will happen now? Will they return to the battlefield?” you asked as you gazed out the window that opened to the training fields. Loki, Steve and most of the men were practicing. To your surprise Steve recovered quickly, quicker than most men with his injuries.

“Are you worried for your husband?” she asked as she took a seat beside you. “He will be protected by the knights and soldiers. He’s the king after all, your grace.”

“Mmnn…” you sighed as you sipped on your tea.

“Moreover, you haven’t seen Thor and his men on the battlefield” she chuckled darkly. “None of his enemies survive.”

“I’m glad that in the end we managed to negotiate.” you added.

“That is thanks to you, my queen” Natasha smiled warmly. “If you don’t set your mind on putting the fag lord behind bars, we wouldn’t have found out that we were both tricked.”

“I’ve done little, Natasha” you shook your head. “Will we be sent to the North?”

“Yes, I will accompany you personally to the main tribe.” she nodded as she stood. You just reunited with your husband and you had to leave again. You knew that your relationship with him was fragile, both of you were trying to stay on the rope above a deep abyss, however… your heart still ached for and after him. As you looked at him through the window, you could see the illusion you always wanted to see as your future.

The silent bed chamber of both of you with a crib rocking back and forth by the window as the sun light shone down upon your baby. You gently sang to it as Loki’s arms circled around your waist kissing the crown of your head. That however, was impossible to have in the current conditions and if your relationship would sour again…

You tore your gaze from the window and stood up. You had more important matters right now.

_**To be continued…** _


	16. A New Page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Soo... I know it's been long since I updated and I'm really sorry if you felt abandoned. I was really thinking about how to end this story because at some point I lost interest and had no idea how to finish this story. I read a ton of works with Loki/Reader yet ever since Endgame I cannot seem to find my way back to our trickster god.  
> I don't know if this story will be finished or not, I'm trying and have a good idea how to finish it. Thank you for the support, the kudos and the comments. It means a lot!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

It has been weeks maybe months since you left the northern borders and joined the northern tribes. At first you had a hard time getting used to the cold and the people. However, as you learnt more about them, it became easier. You got used to wearing a fur coat over your heavy dress that protected you from the harsh cold. You had no idea how it was possible to have winter as the only season up here but it couldn’t be changed.

The mountains were towering over the valley you stayed in, their peaks shining brightly like diamonds from the snow and ice. The sky was a bright blue, white puffy clouds lazily swimming across it as you were trudging through the snow in your leather boots and riding attire. You got used to wearing it more often as it was easier to move around in pants than in dresses. Your hair was styled in a traditional tribal hairstyle with little beads and feathers in it courtesy of the young girls of the tribe. The children liked to ask you to play with them calling you southern princess or etelän nainen. (Lady of the South) You had no idea why you got that title other than being from a southern part of the continent.

You met Okoye, a woman who came from the southern kingdom not long after you arrived. She was sent here as the ambassador of King T’challa and stayed to ensure peace between the kingdoms. Her dark skin was a wide contrast to the porcelain skinned blonde people. You asked her to teach you hand-to-hand combat after Natasha left the North to join the war. You had no idea what was going on with Wanda but you knew her and knew that she was smart and would find a way to survive. You were worried about her though as time passed and the war just raged on.

“Get your head out of the clouds, your highness!” Okoye yelled at you suddenly making you jump in surprise. You turned your head towards her and spotted the smirk on her lips. “You came here again? You already know everything.”

“I came here for advise” you replied as you watched her approach you.

“You want to join the battle” she grinned. You sighed heavily cursing yourself for being so easy to read. Back when you were still in court you were the perfect queen, the cruel, cold queen who never showed her opinion or feelings. Who used people to get information.

“Even if I want to… can I?” you asked as you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“You’re the queen, who can stop you if you want to?!” she laughed like you were saying something ridiculous. “Look, I advise that you should only pick up the sword when the king sends for reinforcements. But you have to tell me King Loki’s reaction when he sees you gallop into the battlefield on horseback.”

“Oh, he already seen me dirty and angry” you shook your head with a smirk. “Only it was pointed at him.”

“Then Thanos should be shaking in his pants” Okoye replied with a smirk. “Come, your majesty, let’s check out-“

“Your highness, Lady ambassador! The kings sent word!” a young boy ran up to the two of you. Your eyes met Okoye’s and you both knew that it was time you took things into your hands.

_**Loki’s PoV.** _

It has been long since the raven haired king slept peacefully. The alliance managed to take back three quarter of the lands what Emperor Thanos took from every one of them with his allies. King Antony was a fierce fighter yet liked to hold useless feasts. Thor was ready to compete with the king while Loki just watched from the side.

These last few months he watched the blonde Northern man with curious and suspicious eyes. Loki was not sure if there was any resemblance between his dead brother and the loud man who was drinking his life away right now or not. His brother was blonde too but he was too small to remember much of him, after all, he was barely a year old when his brother was abducted by the Northern tribes. He shook his head and left the tent for some fresh air.

“Still not much of party animal, are you?” Loki’s thin lips pulled up in a smirk as he turned to Steve who stood to the side with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Never been one to celebrate too much” Loki shrugged as he stepped closer to the blonde knight. “The war will be over one day and we will have to return to our ordinary lives.”

“Do you really think that is possible?” the blonde huffed.

“What do you mean?” the raven haired king furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“My king… after this war… I will have to depart. King Anthony offered me a place in his royal army” Steve replied avoiding his gaze. Loki felt like someone froze him into a pillar of ice, his heart skipped a beat, cold sweat rolling down his back. He knew that his time of happiness came to an end since the princess… now queen arrived. He tried to blame her for taking his happiness but he had to see and admit that she only got dragged into his illusions of a happy life.

“I see…” he said quietly.

“My king… I know it is hard but we both knew that there was no way for anything to work our way… and now that I have… I have fallen for her” Steve mumbled sniffing trying to hold back his tears and Loki could relate.

“Yes, I know… you don’t need to explain it to me, Steve” Loki shook his head. “Whatever you need will be yours when this war is over.”

The two of them stood in silence, listening to the jovial sounds coming from inside the tent. No one paid them any mind because the mead was served inside. Loki admired the twinkling stars above them as the moon light lit up the area. Cold wind caressed his face as he stood there with Steve and smiled sadly because he was aware that Steve was lonelier. After all, Loki was the one who had a wife and a kingdom while Steve was standing on the earth possessing only the armor and clothes he was wearing.

_**Time skip ~** _

This was the last remaining castle to be taken back from Emperor Thanos and his allies. King Nârm was long dead, his head decorating the castle of Anthröes. The king of Jöttenheimer sat on his horse with his back held straight and head held high, looking over the battlefield. Flags of both sides were waving in the wind, the anticipation of the battle was touchable all around.

Loki narrowed his eyes as he watched Emperor Thanos finally emerge from his army however… the large burly man was holding onto something… onto someone. Loki’s enhanced eye-sight locked onto the gentle form of a woman, familiar lips pulled into a sneer, (e/c) eyes flashing with hatred and unbottled anger as her (h/c) hair was swept in the wind. His blood rushed into his ears as he listened to the man laughing evilly and satisfied.

“KING LOKI! YOUR WIFE DECIDED TO JOIN US TODAY! WHAT A WONDERFUL THING!” Thanos bellowed grinning at him before commanding his army to attack. Loki gritted his teeth as he ran into battle with King Antony and Lord Thor. The raven haired king unleashed his magical powers without mercy. Once a soldier fell, his power revived them making the corpses attack the still living soldiers in the enemy’s lines.

All the while, his blue-green eyes never left _her_ form, heart thumping loudly in his ears while he felt it beat in his throat. How?! He left her in the safety of the Northern Tribes’ walls and territory. All three leaders’ attention turned to the young queen when she let out an angered cry. It seemed like the time stopped ticking and the world went into slow-motion. The queen pulled out a knife from her skirt and stabbed the large man holding onto her arm. Thanos’ eyes widened in shock but before he could react, Queen (Name) grabbed onto his arm, turning their situation around. Her sneer turned into an evil grin, her eyes sparkling with revenge as she threw the large man onto the ground, her knife stroke down several times, hitting Thanos in the lungs and heart.

“Scum” she spat blood on the man as she watched his eyes turn dull and lifeless. The remaining soldiers of the enemy grew confused and lost focus. Without the leader, there were no orders and reason to fight however, once you enter the battlefield you can only leave it if you’re victorious. The kings’ forces cut down the remnants of the enemy while the three of them approached the queen.

Loki jumped down from his horse and hurried over to (Name) grabbing her arms and looking her over for injuries. His worry and anger subsided as he spotted her bloody side but she waved him off with a ‘huff’.

“That’s not mine…” she said, exhaustion showing on her face.

“How did you…?”

“I took some self-defense lessons from Okoye” she shrugged but Loki shook his head.

“How did you get captured?”

“By a fake letter” (Name) huffed annoyed with herself. Gosh… she was so beautiful and enticing while covered in sweat and blood, wearing an annoyed and angry expression that could kill an opponent on the spot. “The war was going on for too long. I wanted it to end quicker…”

“Well, either way, thank you for the help, your highness” King Antony spoke up grinning widely at her as he walked up to them and pulled her hand up to kiss her knuckles.

“You must be King Antony Stank” she narrowed her eyes making the man’s eyebrows twitch while Loki and Thor had to hide their amusement by averting their gazes.

“It is Stark, my lady” the brunette king corrected her and she lifted her hand in front of her mouth as if she was embarrassed.

“Oh, my bad, please forgive me, my lord for my mistake!” she smiled at the man with mirth. Oh, Tony will like this woman and keep a good connection between their kingdoms just to meet her occasionally.

“Aye, my queen, many make the same mistake!” Thor quipped in. Loki couldn’t help but stare at his wife. Compared to the weak and mousy little princess, the woman standing in front of him now turned into a fierce and strong queen. Her features were sharper, her eyes held a cold glint in them while her words were cutting. He had no idea when she started capturing his heart as he was never one to like these kind of characteristics in a woman but he regretted not falling for her way before.

He only noticed her leading him back towards the camp behind the other royal and the lord when she pulled on his hand. His eyes looked up to meet her gaze which now… held no coldness. It was the complete opposite, her (e/c) eyes looked at him with warmth and worry, her features softer, the dark clouds from over her brows disappeared. Her voice gently reached to his ears:

“Don’t forget what I said…” she said even though her tone was light, her eyes quickly flashed with darkness. “I’m not giving up on you. You belong to me and if anyone threatens that, I will show them my true colors.”

“I am the one who should fight with threats in that department, darling” Loki chuckled mirthlessly. “You just made King Antony try to find a way into your undergarments…”

“What about Steve… is he not a threat?” she asked as she stared ahead. Loki smirked. She was testing and investigating how far she could go and what she could get out of him.

“He’s about to leave with King Antony… he should not be a threat” he shrugged and she stopped abruptly.

“Wait… he wants to leave?” (Name) asked, her mask falling off of her beautiful face. Her confusion and surprise was clear on her features as Loki nodded solemnly. The raven haired king looked over the planes searching for the blonde knight and could spot him standing with his comrades. Loki smiled sadly in his direction, his heart knew that the change in dynamics was inevitable and he should look at their times as fond memories already. Maybe in another life… something would be different in the circumstances and fate had different plans for each of them.

_**Your PoV.** _

The adrenaline left your body after your husband reached you. Walking in the dirt amongst the dead bodies of soldiers from both sides, their empty stares and ashen faces sent a shiver down your spine. However, the news of Steve leaving Jöttenheimer occupied your mind over the scenery. You knew that such a scandal of the queen having a love affair with a knight wouldn’t do any good for the kingdom, yet your heart clenched in pain.

You hated yourself for growing to love both these men, who caused you pain, who betrayed you, who lied to you in the face. You were weak and believed their lies all over again. You let go of Loki’s hand placing a hard and cold mask on your features as your heart seemed to freeze all over again. You were aware that Steve had no other choice yet you were angry that he didn’t even try to find a solution, that his first thing was to run away instead of fighting, instead of earning your trust.

“Get me out of here as soon as possible” you hissed angrily to Loki as you marched away toward the tents. You managed to find some clothes you could change into and prepared to leave. Natasha greeted you when she noticed you but you only gave her a cold shoulder before jumping onto your horse that a servant gave to you and joined your husband’s side.

You followed your husband wordlessly and only engaged in conversation if needed. It will be a long journey till the capital.

_**To be continued…** _


	17. Starting Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Yeah, it's me, back with an update! Yay! So I thought things over and even if the plot has changed a LOT ever since I started this story and my original plan was to make it into a one-shot, I managed to figure out myself over this! This chapter is dedicated to 'Starting Over' and I hope you will see what I intend to do! I hope you enjoy and will stay with me till the end! Thank you for reading!!! And for supporting me!!!
> 
> Have a nice day and lots of love from me! <3

Loki was fed up with the nobles and King Antony still partying under his roof but it was custom to celebrate such a great victory for a week at least. Wine and ale was flowing on the tables along with the various meals, boars, pheasants, ducks, deer all served after each other. He was already counting each penny he needed to get back into the treasury. (Name) suggested giving the left-over to the poor instead of throwing them all away. The queen was smart with her suggestions and the raven haired king could lean back a little.

After returning to the capital, Loki knew he had a lot of things to do for example, rearrange the army, start the economy back up again and sign a lot of peace treaties. He asked (Name) to organize the balls for the different occasions and charities which took off a large sum of weight from his shoulders. As he sat in his study, sipping on a hot cup of tea to calm down and gather some energy for the paperwork ahead, Loki thought hard of the queen’s change in behavior. Recently, she wasn’t just cold and distant but lost and empty, like she was dead on the inside and roamed the halls of the palace like a ghost. Loki knew it had to do something with her maid leaving the kingdom with Sir Vision in the middle of the war or Steve’s absence. It worried the king.

If he wanted to be honest with himself, he had to realize that he changed during the happenings. Loki no longer felt agonizing pain at Steve’s absence. It felt like missing a good friend but nothing more. Their affair ended and maybe that love was not as much of an earth-shattering love as he thought it was. If Steve could give it up so easily… the blonde knight was always the first one to give up, to leave him or leave everything thinking it was sacrificing but in reality, it was just selfish. Leaving first was the easiest to do, you weren’t the one who had to live with the fact that you were left behind, abandoned. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he looked out the window to see that the sky turned dark already. Loki stood up and decided to go to the library. Back when he was younger and still had time to read for days, he often stayed in the library and binge read. His long legs led him quickly to the familiar doors but when he opened it, he could tell something was wrong. His eyebrows furrowed as he roamed the shelves and tried to find what made him feel off about the place. When he spotted the queen in front of the body mirror, his jaw slackened and pain clenched his heart.

_**Your PoV.** _

Life went back to normal after you arrived back to the capital. Loki and you organized a feast to celebrate the victory, Lord Thor and King Antony was invited along with those who they wanted to bring. For a whole week, the palace was filled with celebrating nobles and soldiers and by the end you were fed up with the fake smiles and boisterous laughter coming from the dining hall.

Only when you reached the capital have you noticed the small note left on your dresser by Wanda. She left with Sir Vision to Wakanda, the Southern Kingdom to start a new life. You were glad she was happy with her lover and you wished her a happy life however, that left you alone. You felt lost, like a ghost as you walked the halls of the palace, trying to avoid as many people as you could. Most of the time you stayed in the library to find some quite and peace. You knew you had some things to discuss with your husband but your mind was fuzzy with thoughts of why everyone seemed to leave you. The night was dark, the moon light only lighting up the small area where you decided to curl up in the library. It was colder tonight but the fact that you weren’t able to concentrate on the book annoyed you more.

You put it down on the small coffee table in front of you and pinched the bridge of your nose with a tired sigh. Feelings wanted to tumble out of you as pain clenched your heart. You took a deep breath and stood up to stretch out your limbs. You walked up to the body mirror in the corner and looked deep into your own eyes. Your appearance was thin, worn, tired and mostly just… empty. Tears rolled down your cheeks as they bubbled out of your eyes without you really feeling them.

“You ruined everything” you mumbled as you wiped the tears away angrily. “Why couldn’t you die when the palace was attacked?! Everyone is better off without you! No one cares about you, you little piece of-“

“STOP IT!” slender fingers curled around your raised fist that was about to hit the mirror. Another hand curled on your waist, forest green eyes looking into your (e/c) ones through the mirror. “Stop it, (Name)…”

“Let me go…” you tried to pull away but Loki held you with a vice like grip, his expression hardening yet his eyes were soft.

“Don’t do this” he shook his head as you went limp in his hold. Your lips curled up in an ugly, maniac-like grin.

“Why? You didn’t need me even before I arrived, my parents didn’t want me either even my best friend left me so she can leave a normal life!” you yelled angrily pushing your husband away. Or at least you tried. His arms turned you around and pulled you into his chest and you clutched onto his shirt like your life depended on it.

“I very much needed you and need you now more than ever” Loki said quietly. “I was chasing something that could never be more than a dream thinking if I really wanted it I could have it. Thinking that it was what I was always looking for… but I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

Silence engulfed the two of you as you held onto him. He may have broken your heart many times, left you alone, made mistakes and hurt you but… you never stopped loving him. You couldn’t understand why but you knew that he would always be the one you love.

“Loki… I’m so broken…” you mumbled quietly.

“I know… it is my fault but I will try my best to heal you” his deep voice sounded like he was crying too as it trembled. “And I should start with an apology. I threw you away, betrayed you, hurt you even when I was already falling for you. I’m sorry… I know it is not enough to say but I am sorry, (Name).”

You chuckled with a broken tone and shook your head as it was pressed against Loki’s chest holding him closer to you. Your heart trembled with happiness even if it was still hurt and broken. Even when you tried to deny, when you tried to be angry with him, hate him you still loved him from the deepest depth of your heart. It seemed like you were bonded to him by fate because there couldn’t be any other explanation for such a deep love.

“We have much to do tomorrow, let’s return to our quarters” you whispered tiredly. Loki slid his hand down your arm and his slender fingers curled around your small hand tugging at it gently. His thin lips pulled up in a small smile as he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Let’s go” he nodded and led you out of the library.

_**Time skip ~** _

Weeks passed and you slowly gained your confidence and authority back as the queen. You organized the balls and tea parties, which was quite a feat because you had to pay attention which noble lady couldn’t sit next to another. Their petty quarrels made it hard for you to decide on the seat order. You got a new maid, Michelle. She was a little bit strange but was nice enough. You leaned back in your seat with a heavy sigh before picking up your cup and drinking some tea.

“Your highness, the King arrived” Michelle announced suddenly as she opened the door and left smoothly when Loki was inside. You lifted an eyebrow at his sudden visit but you were suspicious that Michelle was aware of the king’s visit way before he actually arrived. You stood up and organized the papers into a stack quietly.

“How was your day, dear husband?” you asked when he was still quiet but was already further inside your quarters.

“I hoped that you would grace me with your company this afternoon” Loki said, his deep voice reverberating on the walls and filling your ears.

“Have you planned something?” you narrowed your eyes at him but a playful smirk was playing on your lips. Loki chuckled, the corner of his thin lips pulling upward, green eyes glinting mischievously. He stretched out a hand toward you and said:

“I may have” he winked at you making you giggle and accept his outstretched hand. These last few weeks it seemed like something has changed between the two of you. Like you were getting slightly closer. Getting to know each other. You would’ve lied to yourself if you said you didn’t enjoy the change though you still had your doubts and anxieties.

As you walked down the corridors with Loki, your arm in his as he led you to somewhere, your mind kept running in circles around the thought of what might happen. You were unsure if you should be happy about the change. Ever since Steve left for another kingdom, Loki’s attention turned to you like a switch. You were aware that you haven’t spent quite a few weeks with them on the battlefield where they could have some time to talk. However, you kept wondering if your husband would move on from you to another just as easily as he has done so with the blonde soldier.

The other thing that kept nagging you was the fact that ever since Steve left you didn’t feel anything. It was like with him leaving your feelings were cut off with scissors. You felt bad about it because it felt like you were playing with his feelings back then. You thought you loved him too but when he left… you just stopped loving him.

Loki must’ve noticed your worries as he suddenly stopped in front of the door he led you to and turned to you with a serious expression. Your eyelashes fluttered as you looked up at him unsure of what was going on. His green-blue eyes looked down into your (e/c) ones then.

“You seem to be a little bit out of it… everything alright, darling?” he asked concern lacing his deep voice.

“I… I just…” you tried to say something, to reassure him or tell him that nothing was wrong… but would that be true? He could see through any lies, after all, he was called the King of Lies behind his back. “Loki… I’ve been thinking since we came back… since Steve left.”

“What about?” his eyebrows furrowed curiosity showing on his handsome face.

“If I have ever truly loved Steve” you revealed one of your concerns. You couldn’t tell him everything, if you told him that you doubted his feelings for you, his interest for you… you might never be able to learn the truth. Or take the opportunity to learn how it would feel like to be loved by Loki even if it would only last for a few years. “Since he’s no longer present here I just… I don’t love him anymore like someone would’ve erased our memories together. Like someone would cut off a piece of cloth with scissors. I just don’t feel anything.”

“We might get blinded by our hearts because sometimes we feel things that won’t last for long” Loki replied with a sad smile. “His kind words, the fact that he cared about you might have planted feelings in your heart which were not more than a small part of the feelings that could’ve blossomed between you if things got serious.”

“I’m not worried about hurting Steve, Loki… I just feel awful for not having real feelings for him when he was clearly-“

“Smitten with you” Loki smiled at you sadly. “He was but he decided to leave us for the greater good.”

“I just managed to ruin the whole date, right?” you chuckled but your husband just shook his head and opened the door for you.

“We would have to talk about serious matters someday anyway” he shrugged before he motioned for you to enter first. You hesitantly walked inside and at the sight your eyes widened and lips parted. It was breath-taking. Loki led you to a hidden part of the castle, which was completely void of anyone accidentally finding it. It was in the depth of the royal quarters which meant no one would trespass. The small terrace was facing toward the scenery of the mountains and the river running below them. The various shades of green of the woods in the distance welcomed you. The terrace had flower boxes and two large magnolia trees.

A small table packed with snacks and tea awaited the two of you in the middle. Loki touched your shoulder gently drawing your attention to himself. He motioned for you to take a seat so you did while he poured some tea in your cup. It was still steaming.

“Loki… this is so nice” you said with a small smile before you lifted the cup to your lips. The scent of peaches hit your nose.

“I thought that we should start over from step one…” your husband replied, nervousness flashing behind his blue-green eyes as he looked at you. “For real this time.”

“I agree” you nodded with a smile on your lips.

_**To be continued…** _


	18. Erodhés

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> I'm so glad if you're still here reading my shitty work! =D I hope that you enjoyed and will stay tuned till the end!
> 
> Stay safe and sending you lots of love! <3

Things settled back into normal again. King Antony left Jöttenheimer with Lord Thor, both returning to their homes. You no longer felt the need to hide in your own home. It did not surprise you as much as you thought it would but you felt this palace, this kingdom ten times as home as where you grew up. You spent your days with reading in the library but now those days came to an end as you had much to do. To help your husband, you decided to take over the simpler tasks, like sending the old servants to a well deserved retire through the head of the stuff. It was a tiring task to order so many people around but at least you were useful.

What worried you was the fact that Loki still hasn’t talked about Frigga’s death. The former queen was now buried in the royal cemetery on the side of her husband, King Odin. Ever since you returned to the palace, Loki kept focusing on his duties and shared little. You wondered if he was trying to bury his emotions under the pile of work or if he settled everything on his own. Was he mourning still? Was he missing them? After your promise to each other that you will try again, the two of you spent one meal a day together. Though it quickly turned into discussion of work as you were both tired.

Just like tonight. You were picking on the mashed potatoes with your fork as you sat silently across from Loki in your chambers. You still slept separated even though nowadays you spent more time in his private chambers and became quite familiar with it. Your favorite was the large chaise by the fireplace where you spent nights reading through his personal library. Others would have no idea how much taste in literature could speak about a person. However, you were aware of it, your trained eyes quickly spotting the fine poetry section next to the classics. He had no lexicons or books of history. Loki possessed many fine pieces of literature about history inspired works but those did not count as historical books. Your eyes skimmed over the section you haven’t touched yet as the orange flames of the fire inside the fireplace painted their spines one shade warmer.

“You really do admire literature, love” your husband chuckled as he leaned back in his seat. His thin lips pulled into a small smirk, his blue-green eyes twinkling playfully.

“I do” you agreed with a soft smile of your own. “You know… bookworms can be determined through their collection of literature.”

“Oh…” he raised an eyebrow curiously. “What have you found out then?”

“You own only those works which are meant to beguile one’s time” you pointed at the wall which held the built in bookshelves. Your pointer finger then turned to one of the finest works of a famous poet. “That one for example has a hundred and thirty poems that tells the story of a drunkard. One considered the greatest work amongst ballads… possessing them and putting them so high on the shelves means you tend to become melancholic. The ones over there, they are the parts of a five book long saga about the ancient Gods.” you pointed out each one before you sighed and turned back to your husband. “Those in that position means you’re quite interested in your roots and because of that you have a warmth in your heart that very little possess. Especially nowadays.”

“What about you? Which works are on your shelves?” Loki asked amused, his eyes boring into you with curiosity and something else you couldn’t place. You chuckled as you leaned back in your seat and turned your gaze to the fire warming the room.

“I have no shelves, Loki” you shrugged. “I am a person who is interested in everything and everyone, someone who tries to find the means behind everything, who is always thirsty for knowledge. Someone who’s mind never rests and because of that I possess no literature in my close proximity. Once I read them I move on.”

“So you think yourself a heartless person?” he leaned forward catching your eyes again. “For moving on? For walking forward and never looking back?”

Your silence was his answer as you two sat quietly gazing into each other’s eyes. Your heart thumped hard in your chest as you looked at him. Loki was handsome. Not in the way women mostly think a man handsome, oh no. Loki’s charm was not in his looks. It was his personality, his mind, his intelligence.

You let Wanda go so easily, just like you let Steve go without even a look. You left your home behind happily and never even thought about your parents ever since. You gave Natasha a cold shoulder even after she helped you and saved your life. Were you even a living being? Was your heart completely frozen? Unfeeling? Uncaring? You tried to understand this emptiness but you failed to do so. You remembered how _she_ warned you about changes.

**_Flashback ~_ **

_Rain was pouring from the skies, dark clouds frowning down on you as you urged your horse to speed up. Loki sent word to you… that they were about to lose the war. You clenched your jaw as you cried out in desperation. You knew you weren’t enough on your own but you planned to gather as much forces from anywhere you could. Not that you had any idea how you will manage that._

_Your heart trembled in your chest as you narrowed your eyes, your damp hair sticking to your forehead and back, clothes long dripping wet from the rain. The forest was dark as it started turning into night, the smell of dirt and rain filled your nostrils. You were too preoccupied with the different scenarios to notice the shadows lurking all around you, watching you from their hide. Suddenly your horse reared as something scared him. You tried to hold on but your wet clothes and saddle made you slip down into the dirt. You groaned as you tried to regain your bearings, holding your head you tried to get onto your feet again but was stopped shortly by the sharp tip of a blade._

_The blood froze in your veins, your body going rigid._

_“Well, well, well… I never would’ve thought it would be so easy capturing your majesty” a deep voice chuckled above you. Dread filled you as you lifted your gaze to see Corvus Glaive. You’ve heard about him, the legends of a undead general leading Emperor Thanos’ army. You saw his lips turn into a smirk as he could see your fear._

_“It was a trap” you hissed as your anger quickly surfaced but it only made him laugh._

_“And compared to rumors, she is quite smart, isn’t she?” he cackled as more of them emerged from the darkness._

_> <><><><><><><><><><><>< _

_No matter how many times you asked or how you tried to force it out of him, he never answered your question. You had no idea where you were being brought and why. You sat in the carriage, legs and arms tied together securely. The wood of the carriage’s flooring was pressing against you hard and no matter how you positioned yourself you couldn’t find a slightly comfortable spot._

**_Child!_ **

_You shook your head thinking it was just your imagination._

**_Listen!_ **

_Your attention sparked now that the mysterious voice spoke again. You looked around but the carriage had no window and on the front was the only entrance. You sat up straighter and closed your eyes._

**_Do you want to kill them?_ **

_Who are you?!_

_Silence was your response. You recognized this voice from somewhere… somewhere deep within your mind… you knew the owner of the voice. Your eyes widened when you recognized it._

_Ráhë?! Aren’t you dead?!_

**_I_ ** **_am, child… but my duties have not yet ended… through you, I can finish what I started. Do you remember how your parents treated you? How they abandoned you? How they never cared about you?_ **

_You gritted your teeth as your heart swelled with pain at the memories. You never understood why you were deemed a bad child or why you were punished for the smallest mistakes._

**_That is right, my child… but have you thought why they treated you like that? Do you want to know?_ **

_…_

**_Because you are not their child! In order to have the throne for themselves, they deceived everyone! Took your parents’ places… those monsters!_ **

_What??? – you blinked shocked. What was she talking about? You didn’t understand a thing from what she was saying._

**_You do not have much time left, child… accept your gift and open up yourself to the power! Do you want to kill them?_ **

_…_

**_But the price you have to pay is grave…_ **

_I’ve already lost what was left… – you replied. You were unsure what would happen once you returned to your old life, of being a queen, of being the king’s wife. You were lost and lonely. You had nothing else but ending this madness should be your priority… but then why didn’t matter to you whether you got ‘power’ or put an end to the war?_

_You suddenly felt warmth spreading through your body, your vision turning white. When you came to you were already at the battlefield. Corvus Glaive grabbed onto your ankle yanking you out of the carriage. The scent of dried blood filled your nostrils as you took in the surroundings. Someone suddenly grabbed your upper arm lifting you up._

_“KING LOKI! YOUR WIFE DECIDED TO JOIN US TODAY! WHAT A WONDERFUL THING!” Thanos bellowed grinning at Loki before commanding his army to attack. You quickly spotted Loki staring at you shocked, his pale face growing paler by the minute. You watched your husband acting out of rage, unleashing his magical powers on the enemy and Norns… was it sinister and beautiful at the same time. He was glowing with power as he sent soldiers to the after life with a flick of his wrist._

_You tried to get free of Thanos’ grip but he was too strong. The whole thing angered you and finally, you understood what Ráhë meant by ‘power’. You cried out angrily and summoned a knife. You had no idea how or why it appeared but you felt the wooden hilt of it fit into your palm perfectly_. _Though it was not ‘you’ anymore… it was the cold and cruel queen so many people have already saw in the capital on balls and banquets._ _The queen pulled out a knife from her skirt and stabbed the large man holding onto her arm. Thanos’ eyes widened in shock but before he could react, Queen (Name) grabbed onto his arm, turning their situation around. Her sneer turned into an evil grin, her eyes sparkling with revenge as she threw the large man onto the ground, her knife stroke down several times, hitting Thanos in the lungs and heart._

_Suddenly everything turned back to normal, just like someone would turn a switch off. You gasped as you tried to regain your bearings but by then, Loki was on your side. Your expression hardened as you tried to figure out how to process what happened just now._

**_End of flashback ~_ **

Loki’s light touch on your cheek shook you awake from your daydream. You looked up at him startled but your husband just extended his hand to you and beckoned you to follow him. You stood carefully, feeling like your legs turned into jelly.

“You seem like you need some fresh air, darling” he smiled at you gently. He opened the balcony doors and motioned for you to step out. You sat here before and was always surprised how your husband managed to care for quite sensitive plants. Though most of them were not only beautiful but used for a potion or another. You remembered how his blue-green eyes seemed to sparkle when he explained the usage of each plant.

“I wish I could take care of plants as you do” you said quietly as you admired your favorite from his small garden. Dragon lilies were used for healing potions mostly but a few apothecary used it for love potions and aphrodisiacs. However, you liked it for its beauty. It was similar to a dragon fruit only it was a lily like flower.

“Something bothers you, (Name)… you are trying to fool the Prince of Lies” Loki spoke up, his eyes boring into you. You sighed as you leaned on the railing and looked out at the city. The lights of the houses were like small candle flames, a few people still walking around as the night sky turned the darkest blue, stars dotting the dark sheet of it.

“Have you ever contemplated why I was the one who killed Thanos?” you asked avoiding eye contact.

“You learnt well from Okoye” he shrugged making you chuckle and shake your head.

“When they trapped me… someone from my long forgotten past approached me” you started, your tone growing distant. “Ráhë was my teacher back home… she taught me many things until she was accused of treason and executed. At that time I did not understand why nor have I tried to question my parents. She revealed it to me on that night I was traveling with the enemy. She told me the truth… that those who raised me were the cousins of my father. My father and mother died because those monsters took their lives after I was born. Why? Because I possess the power of the Ancient Phoenix, Erodhés. They wanted to use it to their advantage… though had no idea how and when they deemed me useless they quickly discarded me, arranging a marriage for me.”

“How do you know all that?” Loki furrowed his eyebrows surprised and curious.

“While I was hiding in the library from our guests… I tasked little Johsr to look around in the study of the king and queen of Alfhendrër.” you shrugged nonchalantly.

“Are you planning on avenging…”

“No… why would I? That hell hole can be theirs” you pushed away from the railing with a huff. “Now its your turn, husband: why are you not mourning Lady Frigga?”

Just like you assumed, Loki’s face turned cold and hard averting his gaze from yours. His body went tense as he started pacing back and forth in front of you. He was silent for long until he stopped and finally spoke up.

“I did… on the battlefield” he said quietly, almost hissing it out. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. He sighed at seeing your confusion before he continued: “I killed those people without a second thought, I was enjoying their desperate cries as I pulled them inside out. I relished in their agony… because I was angry. However when we returned to the capital… I felt shame when I walked up to her grave.”

“You had every right to do that to those people, Loki” you walked up to him grabbing his arm soothingly. “Have you ever thought about how those people treated those they conquered? Worse than you treated them, believe me.”

“But their deaths did not bring her back” Loki smiled back at you sadly as his body went limp under your touch. Tears rolled down his cheeks making your heart throb. You cupped his cheek in your palm, massaging his skin with your thumb as you smiled back at him sadly.

“No… it did not… but it saved many, many people” you whispered soothingly as you pulled him into a hug. Back before the war you never would’ve thought of holding him like this. But back then you were a different woman.

_**To be continued…** _


	19. How did you know all that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Soooo, here is the new chapter! Wow, I hope you'll enjoy and leave a comment below!
> 
> Another news is that I decided to create a patreon account and one at buymeacoffee.com so if someone wants to they can support my work. What you get if you become my patreon? Early access to my works and special requests! Nothing will change about me posting my works on the platforms I already have, you can still read my stuff for free.
> 
> Thank you for staying with me and supporting me! I'm really grateful!
> 
> PS: Please, someone request something with Kylo Ren if you like him because he has no story in the one-shot collection!

Morning came brightening up your chambers as you blinked with a yawn. First time since you arrived back and started living your normal life, you felt alive again, like you weren’t just roaming the halls of the castle like a ghost. It was welcome however, because you were tired of feeling like a ragdoll. You slowly got up from your bed and pulled a nightrobe over your shoulders, closing it around you while you walked up to the windows.

You liked to admire the beauty of the city that was slowly waking up with the first rays of the sun. The light brought life to the myriads of colors all the buildings possessed. Soft knocking interrupted your daydreaming, quickly turning your attention to the newcomer.

“Your highness, the king awaits you in the private gardens” a servant girl bowed deeply, her gaze cast on the floor as she addressed you. You nodded quietly but realized that she could not see it with how deeply she was bowing.

“Alright, thank you” you replied. “Would you be so kind and help me with the dress?”

The girl straightened up but nodded quickly and went right to your closet asking you which dress you wanted to wear. Getting dressed was a hard task if one had to do it alone. The simpler dresses wore by the commoners were easy to get into, however, someone so high in the ranks as yourself would have to wear something fancy everyday even if you had no meeting or ball to attend to.

You walked down corridor after corridor with a straight posture, expression as tight and cold as you could muster on your face. Not that you felt like you were truly cold or distant with everyone… but it grew natural for you after how your “mother” trained you. You were still thinking about Ráhë’s words. Many things you were confused about made sense now but you still stayed skeptical about all this revelation. What were you supposed to do with any of it? And what was awaiting you now that you got what you wanted? You no longer had the power or it was dormant inside of you, however, you were afraid to try and use it.

You finally reached the small metal gates of the private gardens and silently opened them. As you turned around to close the gate, cold hands obscured your vision. You blinked a few times in surprise but you could tell that it was indeed your husband.

“Don’t blink so many times, it’s ticklish” he chuckled deeply. “Come, I’ve got you a little surprise, (Name).”

You chuckled and let him lead you towards somewhere further into the gardens. You heard the sound of the grass brushing against your skirts and could feel the soft ground under your feet. Loki’s back was pressed against your back as he led you. Your heart picked up its pace but you kept silent until he stopped you.

It was oddly quiet as you two stood there. It felt like you were in the middle of a large field with your eyes closed. You had no idea which way was forwards and which way was backwards. Then his cold slender fingers let you go, sliding down to your shoulders and you had to blink a few times so your eyes adjusted to the light of the morning sun. Flowers littered the ground like a large blanket while in the middle was a small picnic blanket with snacks and tea. You didn’t have to look back at Loki to feel his pleased smirk at your small gasp.

“You’ve grown these with magic, right?” you asked pointing at the unearthly flowers that were unnaturally glowing and lively.

“Are you surprised that I not only use my seidr to kill?” your husband asked back with a chuckle as he grabbed your hand and led you inside the field of flowers. “I thought we could eat breakfast together today.”

“I have a feeling that this is not the only surprise you prepared” you squinted your (e/c) eyes at him suspicious of what he had in store. That smirk of his told you everything you needed to know making you laugh mirthfully. “But please, tell me we won’t get into trouble, Loki.”

“Not necessarily” he shrugged as he started buttering a slice of bread. “Could though if that’s what you want…”

“I’m suspicious we have different ideas about trouble” you replied as you grabbed an apple. “I meant trouble as the ‘have servants trying to find us and think that we just disappeared’ kind of trouble… what did you mean?”

“Would it be a surprise if I told you?” Loki answered slyly with another question making you roll your eyes with a fond smile. You had to admit that the amount of quality time you and him spent together brought a new perspective of your view of him. It was like falling in love with another person for you’ve loved someone who was created by your own desires and imagination.

Your (e/c) eyes inspected him carefully, taking in every little detail about his handsome features, his body posture or the way he lifted the cup of tea to his thin lips. You could tell how different he was from any other men around in the court. He was raised as a prince who was taught how to be a good king when the time came. You remembered how hardly your “parents” were training you to become the best queen for him. You still had scars from the whippings on your back when you failed at a task and the permanent bruise in your left knee when you had to practice waltz for ten hours without break. You remembered the many nights you were crying yourself into sleep with the hope in your heart that Loki would save you from that hell once the time came.

“You always look sad, (Name)” he noted as he put his cup down. “Everyone thinks I’m the one making you sad.”

“I just… seem to return to… the past over and over again” you shook your head.

“It is time you forget those… monsters” your husband replied and you knew that his slightly rage filled expression was not directed at you. You held his hand and squeezed it gently with a small smile.

“Yes, indeed, Loki” you nodded. “So, what are your plans for today?”

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I would tell you, my darling” he grinned at you mischievously making you groan. You smiled silently after that and picked up your own cup of tea. As the two of you talked, sharing jokes and funny stories, the sun started warming up your surroundings. Your eyes landed on your husband yet again and your breath got caught in your throat. He was so handsome, jawline chiseled, thin lips pulled up at the corners, his blue-green eyes twinkling with mirth.

It was mesmerizing, to just admire his beauty and bask in the light of his mirth, his intelligent mind as he shared his thoughts. Your (e/c) eyes widened suddenly in realization: your chest was filled with warmth, your limbs didn’t feel numb anymore and your being felt light. Your heart thumped in your chest as you realized that the ice around your heart was melting slowly.

Loki got up from his place and offered his hand to you with a bright smile on his thin lips. As you accepted his outstretched hand, he pulled you to your feet and placed your hand in the crook of his elbow. The two of you fell into a leisurely pace as he led you through the gardens.

“Darling, will you wait for my surprise in the library?” he leaned down to whisper into your ear as he stopped in front of the entrance to the palace. You turned your head to look up into his blue-green eyes, search for the answers to your many questions but only found his mischievous gaze admiring you. You decided that you should be brave this time so you leaned up and pressed your plump lips to his thin ones in a chaste kiss. Careful but sweet, shy but brave.

“Let’s see if I can reach the end of a new book before we see each other next” you winked before you slinked away from his touch and disappeared down the corner. You knew he was staring after you and you tried your best to hide your blush that was creeping up from your chest to your neck to your cheeks. You wished Wanda would be there to talk to you, to vent your doubts and troubles to her and listen to her advice… but she left to live a happy life with Sir Vision and even if you were sad she left, you still felt happy that she found happiness in the end.

_**Time skip ~** _

The library was quiet, the chirping of the birds outside could be heard through the glass windows as you sat on the loveseat. You long finished your book yet Loki was nowhere to be seen. However, even if the book was over, you still occupied yourself with thinking. Back in Loki’s chambers, when you revealed your heritage to him… his question was: “How do you know all that?”

Your eyes narrowed as you stared into nothing. Why was he asking that? Instead of being bewildered or surprised… shocked… his eyes just widened but his face was not of surprise or shock. He was curious… almost greedy. No, it couldn’t be… he was the kind man you fell in love with for a second time, he was Loki, your husband. Would he use you? Would he try to…?

You leaned forward and chuckled darkly. You still haven’t learnt anything. You still told him anything and everything without thinking over any of what you were saying. You were still dumbly blind to all of it just because he was Loki Odinson. You clenched your jaw as you threw the book you were holding in your hand onto the coffee table and stood up as fast as lightning.

“My queen” a servant approached you quickly her head was bowed already sensing the tenseness of your shoulders. Her small voice quietly continuing: “The king requested your presence in his observatory.”

“Observatory?” your eyes narrowed at her, her small form trembling under your gaze. “Lead me to him.”

Your steps echoed through the empty library as you followed after the little mouse, her grey skirt swishing behind her, her steps light. You stared at the back of her head, her hair a light brown, dull and uncared for. You felt sorry for the servants, they looked tired and their clothes worn. You decided to have a talk about it with your husband once you had the chance.

The servant girl led you through hallways and corridors until you reached the northern section of the palace. You narrowed your eyes as you stared at the back of her head. You knew exactly which part of the palace was underneath your position. The entrance for the barracks where the imperial soldiers were living. You stopped in your tracks when she was about to enter a narrow stairway.

“Do you really think I have not noticed where you’re leading me?” your voice was cutting through the air right into her ears. She halted in surprise and turned to you in confusion.

“What are you talking about, your highness?” she asked.

“We’re right above the barracks, if anyone would want to get into the palace they would infiltrate it right here” you explained with your features hardened into ice. Her pale blue eyes widened in shock and fear, her chapped lips trembling as she took a step back.

“Y-Your Highness! I would never d-dare!” she gasped as tears welled in her eyes.

“Paranoid much, darling?” your husband’s voice reverberated through the stairway that led somewhere high above. Loki walked out from the doorway with an amused expression on his features. “Gertha, please do not take offense in the queen’s behavior. There are several hard days behind us all. Go and rest for the night, tell Lynträ that the king relieved you of your duties for the night.”

The servant girl quickly curtsied with trembling hands and hurried away just like a little mouse. You stared after her silently as you tried to shake off the cold feeling that filled your very being.

“I have waited for long, husband” you spoke up without looking at him.

“I sense a change in the mood lately” Loki furrowed his eyebrows, his blue-green eyes roaming your form as the two of you stood in the corridor. “You seem… riled up, darling.”

“Nowadays… we have to pick wisely when we trust in someone” you sighed before plastering a smile on your face and turning back to Loki. You could see his suspicion shine through his eyes but he said nothing, only opened his palm and beckoned you towards him. Loki led you up the stairs and you tried to find out how to coax his true intentions out of him. Were you again just a bargaining chip? A pawn in everyone else’s game? Were you just a puppet for your husband? If so… what would he want to use you for?

Loki led you up the stairs until he reached a wooden door. It was small, only one person could fit into the doorway at once. The wood wasn’t decorated like all of the others downstairs. He pulled a key out of his pocket and inserted it into the keyhole. As he turned the small metal piece in the lock, it clicked quietly and he pushed down on the handle.

“It is dusty in here, darling… I haven’t been here since a long time” your husband chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly while he let you inside. You looked around to take everything in. There was a large oval window to the left with a small platform where a telescope was standing on its thin legs.

“Is this where you came as a child… when you wanted to hide and be alone?” you asked as you walked further and further into the room. It was dusty and old but you could see small Loki curling up in the corner with a book or stare at the stars with wonder in his blue-green eyes. Why was he showing this to you?

“Even when I turned into my adolescent years” Loki replied as he walked up behind you. “Come, I wanted to show you the stars.”

“What is so interesting about them?” you asked while following him up to the podium. You noticed his slightly disappointed expression, the way his thin lips curled downward. You smiled back at him. “I mean, for you, Loki. Everyone finds things amusing for different reasons.”

“I learnt about them quite a lot after mother told me the stories of Yngrid.” he said. “The stories where the little maid who was treated badly and was beat to death got to explore the universe and find adventures everywhere, in the strangest places.”

“The one where she only found out that she was actually dead when her companion showed it to her and told her that she no longer needs to suffer?” you smiled sadly. “When Wanda gifted me that book… I couldn’t stop crying when I reached the end. She had to sleep with me for a week so I wouldn’t think about it and start crying again.”

“In order to prevent your parents from abusing you because you were annoying them” Loki added while he grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

Your eyes widened.

Did he remember? Did he actually read all the letters back then? You thought that he stopped replying to you because he didn’t even read any of them.

“Yes, (Name)” Loki chuckled while his eyes were searching yours. “I did read your letters only forgot to reply because Sygin was distracting me on purpose. She knew that you existed… that was her attempt at making my father break our engagement. But father knew well… he immediately kicked her out of court, took every possibility of her from getting any good opportunities.”

“But I thought that…”

“She did reject me but did so easily because she never felt anything for me. She only wanted to climb higher on the ladder of ranks. When she was cut off from becoming a lady of court, she easily turned around and found someone else she could use.” Loki shrugged before he continued. “But I’m glad she did and that I found love… not once but twice.”

“Do you still love Steve? Do you miss him?” you asked. Somewhere you knew that he was still loving Steve. If you were ready to fight for someone like the way your husband tried to fight for the blonde knight, you wouldn’t be able to just forget about that someone. You knew that it was true love between them and you had to admit now that if they would’ve chose to tell you, honestly you would’ve accepted it and allowed it.

The flinch in Loki’s body did not go unnoticed by you and you massaged his skin with your thumb.

“It is alright, many things have changed since then and I am no longer mad at you nor him” you said. “Do you want him back?”

“You know that is not our life, darling…” he sighed sadly. “But I have you and even if you do not believe me… I do love you.”

“I believe you, Loki” you smiled back at him. “Now, show me what you wanted to show! Before anyone tries to break the door down in search for us!”

His thin lips widened into a full grin as it was highly possible after the guards couldn’t find the two of you one night. Loki took you out on a ride and by a sudden thought told you to camp in the woods near the palace. The panicked look on everyone’s faces was hilarious even if you were aware of the reason behind their panic.

Loki adjusted the telescope so you could look into it without straining your back. His hand rested on the small of your back as he stood slightly behind you. He pointed out constellations in the sky.

“That is the Great Emperor, merchants used that constellation to guide them in the deserts down in the southern regions of our continent” he explained. You had no idea how anyone could name that constellation the Great Emperor, like all of it looked like two triangles joined by one of their edge.

“They should’ve named it the Unfinished Apple pie or something” you commented as you pulled away from the telescope. “How can anyone name it The Great Emperor?!”

“Well, astronomers think differently than you, darling” Loki chuckled. Only then did you notice how close your faces were. He was leaning over your shoulder, his arms circling around your waist as he leaned forward. His blue-green eyes looked up into your (e/c) ones as time seemed to slow down until it froze you in place.

You leaned forward experimentally, your eyelids sliding closed but his lips reached yours quicker than you thought the distance would be between your lips. His thin lips were gently brushing yours until he deepened it, leaning forward and you turned in his arms so your body was facing his. Your breath hitched in your throat and you gasped when he bit down on your lower lips.

However, your mind always got in the way of enjoying the moment as memories flashed through the back of your mind. He was not surprised as much as he was curious. He asked: _“How do you know all that?”_

You pulled away sharply, your chest heaving as you pushed on his with your palms flat against his tailored vest.

“Were you curious about the powers I possibly possess when I told you about it?” you asked. Loki looked at you confused but he didn’t pull away.

“What?”

“You asked: _How you know about all this?_... indicating that you knew about it or some of it” you replied. Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked back at him. “Did you know?”

“Some of it, yes… but I did not intend to know” Loki sighed heavily as he let go of you. “Father and mother… after we first met, they talked about you and our engagement in father’s study. Mother was riled up about the fact that father engaged us in hopes of taking the power from your parents and that he was trying to make plans for even after his grandchildren would be born. That is when I overheard them. By accident.”

“I only want to know… if all this…” you gestured around the two of you. Tears threatening to spill out of your eyes. “If this is real… if you really want to start over, if you really love me…”

“I cannot say anything that will convince you in this instant… I can only offer my heart to you and wait patiently for you to accept it even if you crush it first.” Loki’s words and tone made your heart thump hard in your chest. You cupped his face with your hand and shook your head.

“I wouldn’t want to hurt you, Loki… especially because I know so well how it feels” you smiled at him. “Besides, I have already given you my own heart such a long time ago. Even if I break yours, you have mine.”

His blue-green eyes widened before he kissed you passionately. He was pressing against you desperately, like he was afraid you would disappear into thin air if he let go. Maybe this was how these wounds could heal. Ripping up the wounds as they were healing in a bad way so they could heal properly. Maybe… you could finally move on from the past and start a new beginning.

_**To be continued…** _


End file.
